I keep dreaming about him. Why??

[XChocolate1cheesecake]

I've always been a dreamer. I can remember dreams from years ago. I've just ditched someone 12 days ago now that was emotionally abusive and draining the life out of me.

I had one dream about him when we were together. It was normal.

When we temporarily stopped speaking I had a dream where I was rocking him and kissing his head. Then we were sat laughing and talking in the garden in the dark. I figured this was due to me wanted to communicate (he was a bully and cutting communication was how he controlled)

I kept dreaming about being in public toilets that were filthy and I was freaking out about catching something. I'd always end up on an aeroplane afterwards.

Then in real life he came back. I got control this time and I've ended it and blocked him. I actually feel really good and I've been so busy keeping myself occupied and making plans. I've never felt so positive since meeting him.

But the last five nights I dream about him. We keep ending up in cars together. Or places at the same time. There's always other people and I can't get him to talk .or look at me. Or explain.

It's really annoying me that I keep dreaming of him because I'm not particularly thinking of him now in the day and have lost all feelings. But dreams affect how you feel when you wake sometimes and I hate that this keeps happening.

Aghh why is it happening.

It's probably because you are thinking about him during the day more than you realise - obviously you are doing it now while worrying about why you are dreaming about him. But dreams are just our brains replaying memories and making sense of things we have thought about recently. Nothing more than that. I often have dreams about my ex from 15 years ago. Dh and I have been together for 12 years and I in no way want to be with my long ago ex or even think about him all that much, but for some reason, he does appear in my dreams. Who knows!

I dunno, I have the most inappropriate person featuring in sex dreams sometimes, but I'm absolutely sure I don't want that in reality. Brains do weird things.

The filthy toilet dream ending with you catching a plain seems symbolic of you getting away from his toxicity.

And the being in places where he is but refuses to talk to you could be symbolic of you looking for closure for how he treated you but never getting it from him.

You need to make your own closure. Maybe write a letter telling him how he hurt you and how you will never, ever let him back into your life. That you are over him and his bs. And then burn it.

It can take time to recover from toxic ppl. Its almost as if their poison is still around even though they are gone. Sometimes what is hurting us can show up in our dreams. As can our deepest needs.

Finally a way to close the chapter in your life. Decide it is over. And, forgive yourself for whatever you are angry at yourself for. Eg: not running sooner. You couldn't have known and none of this is your fault.

Then hopefully the dreams will stop bothering you.

*plane
Lol

*find a way

Oh and try not to focus on the dreams too much. The less headspace you give them, the less likely they will come back.

Maybe watch an interesting film right before bed or something.

Thank you. I was thinking of him constantly when we were together and when he cut me off for seven weeks I was in emotional pain and thinking of him constantly. Towards the last three weeks before he came back I started feeling myself at least 50% the time. I feel like I'm completely over him and the only reason I let him come back for a few weeks ago was this weird part of me wanted to see how far I could push him and what he was prepared to say or do. But I never liked him and was constantly thinking you are going to slip up but style soon. I found out he had met a woman from a dating app and had sex with her several times. That was the moment I got my closure and I felt the door close if you get me.

Within 48 hours of not having to deal with him daily I was alot lighter. But now apparently he is in all my dreams.

One of the things I've had to deal with is there are never going to be any answers as he lies about absolutely everything. He is extremely dishonest. I remember at one point thinking I hope one day he can explain to me. But now I know it's not possible. So perhaps you are right I'm processing that when my mind's clear.

Hopefully he goes away soon. I do still think of him in the day. You are right. But it's more like a second to think what a (choose swearword) then he goes again. Before I was very much going over everything constantly. There was alot of stuff going on. Lies. Cheating. Faking his future and his plans with me. Name calling. Put downs wrapped in humour. Triangulation. Gaslighting. He had me on an emotional rollercoaster for ages.

Thanks for the replies. I'm sure they will pass. I just don't like how for a few minutes when I wake up the dreams affect my moods.

It's normal to dream of someone who has featured prominently in your life. And dreams are full of random shit. Just don't make the mistake of thinking the dreams are telling you something important that you should act on IRL.

It's very early days. Not surprisingly you'd be dreaming of him.
Could you try nightnurse.