Should I message my ex?

[Luby34]

I'm 37 and single. I went out with a guy when I was 17 who I fell in love with - we have a lot in common. Sadly my mum made me dump him because she didnt want me to have sex, wanted me to get an education etc - which on reflection I can understand, parental instinct and all that. My ex was married and I was happy for him and he now has two kids - and respectfully I left him alone for all that period. He is now divorced and I have seen him on dating websites...but I feel he hates me because he blocked me from the dating app (I deleted my account and set up a new one so that's why I saw him again on there). Thing is, he thinks I dumped him so I'm that bitchy bad ex... which I know I'm not because I loved him and it wasnt my choice to dump him...I didnt want to dump him. Now that he is single, do I grow a backbone and message him or leave him alone? I cannot tell you how much I think about him...literally everyday, always has been and other relationships have been only platonic. If you think I should message him, what would i say? I want to be honest with him, no bs, but not be that crazy ex girlfriend! A few of my exes talk to me, and I think that's because I'm a nice person...if I was a crazy ex I dont think any of them would talk to me! We havent spoken much since we split, all those 20 years ago but saw each other a lot on nights out but when I had a boyfriend he was single and when he had a girlfriend I was single haha. He used to stand and stare at me on nights out and I got left a voicemail, about 7 years after we split up saying that he fancied me and we should get together... I would like to simply go for a walk with him, no pressure, just a catch up and laughs. I dont want to say things like, I think we should get back together, or I really like you and want you back...I dont want to come across as desperate... even though I secretly am for him Haha. You all know how much I want this, so please be nice!

The thing is that he will have completely changed over all this time and you really have no idea what he's like now. And he blocked you - that's not a nice thing to do if you didn't fall out with him.

I'd look elsewhere, tbh. You're looking at this through rose-tinted glasses. And good for your mum - I hope you appreciate her looking out for you. Having said that, it's interesting that you went along with it - maybe your feelings weren't that strong after all.

I’d be wary that he blocked you, that suggests he doesn’t want contact. If it was me though I’d message him anyway to find out for definite either way. Otherwise you could spend the rest of your life thinking about him.

If he hadn't blocked you, then I would have probably said there's no harm in a friendly hello message.

However, he has blocked you which means he clearly doesn't want to hear from you. I doubt he blocked you because you dumped him when you were 17 (as you said he sent you a message 7 years later saying he fancied you and you should get together... so no hard feelings there)

I think you need to let this one go.

This is all in your head. You’re romanticising the connection you had with him. The truth is, even if your mum didn’t make you break up with him your relationship probably would have broken down at some point.

This is limerence. Don’t contact him, life goes on.

Just give it a go and message him. No harm done, then at least you won't be wondering what if all the time.

I agree but maybe he blocked me because he thinks I am the mean ex who dumped him...he doesn't know the truth. He didn't block me from messaging him, he blocked me on the dating app (you cannot message if you don't match) .... maybe if message him casually and not like a desperate housewife, telling him the truth, he might consider replying...and if he doesnt then at least I'll know.

I say go for it...otherwise you will always wonder....be prepared for whatever answer though...If its a no thanks then leave it at that and dont pester...least he knows how you feel and he could always change mind once hes thought about it. If its a yes lets give it a go then good! Good Luck.xx

I say go for it, but don't expect too much. If you don't you will never know and will always wonder. You never know, the connection may still be there. However much you have both changed you are still the same people.

I think you should message him, because I don’t think you are going to get past this if you don’t, not because I think anything will come of it.

I think you are dreaming up an explanation for him blocking you rather than facing the obvious one, that he doesn’t want to be in touch with you. Somebody dumped me when I was 18, broke my heart, but I am connected to him on Facebook now and we take a very mild passing interest in each other.

Why don’t you contact him and get it out of your system.

Message him. Get this out of your system. But keep your expectations low for a response or for him to be the guy you've built up in your imagination from 20 years ago. Who knows why he blocked you but if you speak and he appears to still hold your actions as a 17 year old against you, I'd take that as a red flag.

I'd send a message. I lived with if only's for such a long time and if made me ill.

I got the chance to speak and while it took a really long time to get to where I am now I have no regrets.

Message him.