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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I doing the right thing? Please help

4 replies

RentalCar · 18/06/2021 08:32

I finally ended things this week with my partner. We have one DC together.

We have had good times but for the most part they have been bad. We have a toxic relationship whereby I'm mostly held accountable for all the shit that there is in the world. Or at least that's how it feels. He has been emotionally abusive towards me at times and sometimes acknowledges how crap he has treated me but then changes his tune and it is my fault again.

Well I assumed I'd feel huge relief finally making a decision. I don't. I feel horrendous. I'm about to lose my house and now he wants 50% custody of our child who he barely puts any effort into when I'm around. I'm lost and I'm scared I'm making a massive mistake.

What is the answer here?

OP posts:
TheWaif · 18/06/2021 08:35

You're not making a mistake. All this circumstantial stuff will work itself out on the end, you're feeling like this because it's a sudden big change.

The relationship was toxic, that's the truth of the matter this is the right thing to do.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 18/06/2021 08:42

He remains abusive and will continue to be so going forward too. You have NOT made a massive mistake in leaving this man. You state yourself that the relationship was toxic.

He is demanding 50% simply as a means of getting back at you for having the utter cheek in his eyes to leave him, this most perfect of specimens in his head. He wants to use his child here to further control you (and this child) post separation and as a stick to beat you with.

I presume you have already sought legal advice re the property, your child etc. Have you also contacted both Womens Aid and the Rights of Women here?.

Original poster
RentalCar · 18/06/2021 08:54

I'm seeking legal advice today. Luckily I have quite a few good friends who work in the sector and I trust them to give me good advice. I just wanted things to be amicable so we can all be happy. It's a huge upheaval but I don't think I can do years more feeling how I currently feel. I just want to feel free again. But I'm scared that I won't and I'll feel worse off.

OP posts:
Original poster
RentalCar · 18/06/2021 08:55

Advice will be done properly and paid for. I wouldn't expect free advice.

OP posts:
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