Am I in the wrong here?

[Moshiii]

My partner of 6 years and 3 small children under 4 has been out drinking watching football with friends this week already. He used to do things as a family but now it's all about his friends. He said to me every Saturday he's going to be training with his friends and drinking and every Sunday there going to have football matches and drinking. I said to him it's not fair when you don't plan anything as a family. He said he's doing it for his health and I can't have a say in it. We haven't done anything as a family in over a year. This Sunday is Father's Day so I said to him can he stay home and just go Saturday this week as Father's Day he should be spending it with his children (every year he usually spends with us). He said to me he has to go and won't be long although when he goes out he is out the entire day and not back till late night. He acts like he doesn't have a choice when he does. I don't think he would appreciate me going out with my friends on Mother's Day and leaving my children, it's not something I would be able to do. Am I in the wrong for feeling frustrated with him?

No you are not wrong, it sounds like he is checking out tbh.

That’s outrageous if he’s just booked every summer weekend for himself, is that correct? If it is I would definitely be taking off as soon as he gets in the Saturday after training, go and visit friends, go swimming, the gym? But absolutely make him take some of the burden, alone! But yes he’s incredibly selfish.

You’re not wrong at all.
No one is saying that parents can’t still enjoy their life aside from their children from time to time but it’s all about priorities and if you’re not making your kids or family time a priority then you need to look at yourself (said in the general term, not aimed at you as you seem to have yours perfectly in order).

I’d be wanting to talk to him and explain how you feel and find out if something else is going on.

The drinking is not for his health

Going out drinking is for his health? Yeah right. Pull the other one. Sounds like he's decided he doesn't want to be dad anymore.

Sounds like he has zero wish to be a part of a family with 3 children under 4.

I can't imagine how hard and intensive that must be for you.

He sounds like he would prefer to be a single man and is planning a summer of this.

Have you family to support you OP as you are in a very very vulnerable position with in effect, 3 babies to look after.

He sounds hideous. I would pack his bags as his father's day present or go out before him.

What a horrible man and another dead beat dad.

He’s a terrible dad. Have you asked him why he doesn’t want to know or spend time with his children?

They’ll grow up feeling like a complete inconvenience to him, that drink, friends and sport are more important to him than they are. They’ll be right.

You’ll get more and more resentful, exhausted, disappointed. If you don’t already loathe him then you will. I do and I’ve never met him or watched him neglect my children.

He’s a waste of space.

Get rid of him and at least you won’t keep expecting him to step up.

Why did you both have so many children when he doesn’t care about being a dad?

He's an arsehole OP. He has as much parental responsibility as you do.

It's yet another case of a man treating a woman as the default parent. I think it's quite short-sighted behaviour. If you split up (which is often the road this behaviour leads to) and he has them EOW he'd have to do more childcare than he does now.

Seems as though he's out the door and down the hall. That's an awful lot of time to be spending with "friends." Could there be another woman involved?

What a twat. Wonder what he will do with the kids when he has them on his own every other weekend.

This is so sad OP.

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

What a twat. Wonder what he will do with the kids when he has them on his own every other weekend.

This. The only way he’ll step up is if you leave him and that’s the only way he gets to see his kids. Useless dads like him often won’t even bother then, but you’d be no worse off on your own tbh. Bin him off.

How selfish of him. His priorities are all wrong.

Of course you're not. He's a selfish twat. You don't go out all weekend every weekend when you have kids.

Sounds like he doesn’t want to be with you all anymore

Unfortunately he sounds like a selfish pig that's running away from his responsibilities. Are the friends he goes out with all single or something? I would suggest he leaves if he doesn't want to step up.

His actions say that he enjoys his friends' company more than his own DP and children. If it's not that, it's that he enjoys drinking in the pub more than anything. Either way, he's acting like a single man. In a happy relationship, you look forward to your days off work so you can be with your loved ones. Why doesn't he feel like that? That's aside from the fact that he's leaving all the childcare to you, and presumably a good quantity of the workload at home. Does he care anything for your health?

I am sometimes bemused by some of what i read on here, how badly people treat one another. But I have to say this post has completely dumbfounded me. On what planet, in which universe, would a parent who lived with there children think it was acceptable to spend the whole weekend EVERY weekend doing what they want with their mates!! And why would he think it was your responsibility to look after 3 you g children on your own. Absolutely no, why are you even accepting this, its disgusting behaviour. Please take control of your life and stand up for yourself and say absolutely not. Big hugs

Drinking is for his health??

Honestly, do men really think we are this stupid??

My father basically 'resigned' as a family man when I was 9. The previous summer, he'd gone back to his home country to visit his mother, he was away for a month...my mother admitted to me recently that she wasn't actually sure he'd come back! After that he wasn't happy with anything to do with family life, and ended up getting a job working abroad. That was it, he more or less lived as a single man from that time on.

Looking back (and at the time) I really wish my mother had ended the marriage at that point. Myself and my two brothers wouldn't have had to go through many years of trailing around the world after my father, having our health and education badly affected in the process. My mother put her relationship ahead of her children and I doubt it's something I will ever forgive her for.

@Moshiii

You know that he's effectively given you an ultimatum, don't you ?

You either 'suck it up' and say nothing about him having every, and all weekend to himself (and probably holidays with his mates too), or he'll leave you.

Call his bluff, NOW, today, and tell him that you won't accept this new situation. Hi is a husband, and he is a father ! He can either grow up, and accept that his priorities are his wife and his children, or he can pack a bloody bag, and get the fuck out !

Is he really ready to lose everything ?

You deserve a billion times better. I hope you find that xx

You aren’t actually together anymore I’m afraid… you’re just living in the same house ( and he hasn’t bothered to tell you). I sincerely hope you’re working because I’m guessing you’re not married - I think you’re going to need some money.

Noirchat. That's the saddest thing I've read because you're still carrying that around. I hope you've managed to find someone unlike your father.