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Is this fair?

12 replies

Blackjeans88 · 17/06/2021 10:34

I am a relatively new Mum (baby is 10 months) and I am also 4 months pregnant. My husband works full time in a demanding job. I work PT in a relaxed job (around 12 hours over 3 evenings, self employed from home).
When it comes to the everyday care of our baby I would say there is a 70/30 split in what we do-me being the 70! My husband thinks this is fair, I am not working most of the time and he is.
I get up at 6am everyday with our son in the week and he has another hour sleeping in bed, he says he feels this is fair as our son has naps that total around 3 hours a day, he says I can sleep then. At the weekend I always get a lie in and he tends to take the baby out. Housework I do the lions share but he does always does anything I ask (would be great if he had the initiative, but hey ho).
Does this seem fair? I do occasionally feel I am doing more than I should be and it makes me feel annoyed but I am very aware I am feeling hormonal. I had a very traditional upbringing...SAHM and dad that worked away and never changed a nappy so have no real model on if my situation sounds right, and the majority of my friends have very different situations than myself so have no one to ask. I should also add I am happy in my marriage, I just dont want any resentment sneaking in!

OP posts:
seensome · 17/06/2021 10:41

I can't see anything unfair, it was your choice to have a child and work part time so you can be home with the baby majority of the time, you do most of the chores because you're home, you get a lie in while he takes the baby out at the weekend, that sounds ideal to me.
I'm this is rest in comparison when the next baby arrives.

CHISistoast · 17/06/2021 10:43

Seems fair to me tbh.

Blackjeans88 · 17/06/2021 10:53

Thank you for your replies! Seems I may of been letting my cranky hormones and overthinking get the better of me Hmm

OP posts:
BumBurnerBum · 17/06/2021 10:55

Yes it doesn't seem too bad

Bluntness100 · 17/06/2021 10:58

Seems good to me too.

LindaEllen · 17/06/2021 10:59

It seems fair. You need to work on expectations of each other for when baby number 2 arrives though, as obviously that will make things harder.

I assume your husband looks after baby while you're doing your job?

It may feel like you're doing most of it, but unfortunately that's often the way it has to be when one of you is trying to hold down a job. At least you get a lie in at the weekend!

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/06/2021 11:00

What more would you like him to do? It sounds very fair to me. Why would you resent him?

Blackjeans88 · 17/06/2021 11:01

@LindaEllen I work when my baby has gone to sleep but if I work at the weekend, yes my husband will be having him.
Good point about baby number 2 arriving, I wonder actually if this is why I suddenly am worrying about fairness as I know its about to get a LOT more hectic Grin

OP posts:
Blackjeans88 · 17/06/2021 11:02

@AnneLovesGilbert I do not resent him whatsoever.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 17/06/2021 11:18

You said you didn’t want resentment sneaking in. So I was asking why it would.

Blackjeans88 · 17/06/2021 11:36

@AnneLovesGilbert i esentment more at my life, being a Mum of two under two etc, not really towards him.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 17/06/2021 11:39

Okay, that makes sense. Just keeping talking about how you both feel about your set up, if you’re both getting what you need and checking in.

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