Is anybody finding it hard to re-start their social life?

[somethinghastogive46]

.... or is it just me?
I have friends, I see a fair bit of my family, I haven't fallen out with anybody but somehow despite months of craving adult company and looking forward to being let out, I can't get going again.
I feel like I'm doing all the work in a few friendships and have lost the will to try now. Plus I'm just tired and when push comes to shove I can't actually be bothered to get out there and start making plans.
Is anybody else struggling with this or am I just odd?

Yup. It seems as if my friends have just got used to keeping in touch via WhatsApp , and aren’t in a rush to actually meet up. I’m sad and bored, but also tired and drained by it all so can’t summon up the energy to fight it.

I am in the same boat - I have net a couple of friends for a walk which is what we did in the lockdown - no one seems to want to go for a drink or are keeping in touch but I have lost the motivation to suggest anything. I have been working from home for a year now and no plans to go back to the office so I can go days without seeing or speaking to anyone plus relationship ended recently!
A friend suggested meeting for a meal but I had no motivation to go and actually did not enjoy being out in a pub - think I have become a recluse or lost my confidence

I'm suffering from a general feeling of hopelessness about making plans; I'm happy to do something at short notice, but I've just had too many experiences now of making a plan a few weeks ahead only to find it has to be cancelled. It's bloody exhausting and I hate having nothing to look forward to.

I think the lock down has conditioned us not to make plans and has left us with a sense of loss of what we used to have - we have also had the time to re evaluate how we want to live - it has affected friendships and relationships and I am sure there are many feeling the same as us

Yes. Not helped by us having had a second DC in lockdown - many of our friends are a bit of a distance away and can't/won't put 4 of us up overnight. Similarly DC2 means we now have less space to have guests stay with us so we're being drained by working out the logistics. And no-one except me actually ever seems to know what the rules are for socialising!
Agree with PP about things having to be cancelled as well - for us 2 small DC in nursery means there is an ever-present threat of having to self isolate and get a test because one or other gets a cough/fever.

I have found the same. Round here, you can book a table somewhere for an hour and a half. What then? I don’t think people can be bothered. I’m not sure you can go on a proper night out any more.

I can’t be bothered anymore. I think also it’s about having nothing to talk about. I have a good friend who I haven’t seen since August in person. She won’t go anywhere indoors or even sit outside in a cafe so it’s just meet for a walk or nothing. We have nothing of interest to say as we have said it all on WhatsApp. She is asking me to meet but I can’t find the motivation. Also she is scared of Covid and I don’t want to see someone who is jumping when anyone passes her and neurotic. It’s draining.

Yes, because it all feels like such a hassle. We and all our friends have young children - we can't or don't feel comfortable hanging out in each others' houses like we used to, so we have to go somewhere, but that needs to be booked in advance, the weather might be rubbish, inevitably someone gets sick or is told to isolate - it's easier to just not bother.

Also I think everyone is prioritising seeing close friends and family at the moment - a lot of my friends have gone to visit family in other parts of the country, or gone on holiday themselves, and everyone is finding socialising quite tiring. I think it'll be a while before we get back to the norm of a rainy Saturday afternoon with a house full of kids running around.

@Bimblybomeyelash

Yup. It seems as if my friends have just got used to keeping in touch via WhatsApp , and aren’t in a rush to actually meet up. I’m sad and bored, but also tired and drained by it all so can’t summon up the energy to fight it.

This is exactly what has happened to me.

Nope!

I thought I would struggle because I felt like I’d just got used to not doing anything. But in reality my friends seem very keen to get back out there and I’ve just made a point of saying yes to everything and I am now so busy. I don’t have a free Saturday night from now until September.

I'm waiting to see how things pan out after July 19th. I can't bear going to have a meal, visit museums etc; under the present controlled conditions. I'm more like......"ooh, I fancy going to Blah today" rather than booking in advance when I may not feel like it then, pissy weather etc; so I'll wait.

We seem to be doing lots of meeting up in friends gardens ,getting take away instead of going to a restaurant.

Glad it's not just me then!!
Yes I agree having to plan in advance, knowing that any moment we could be asked to shelve those plans again makes it quite unappealing.... you're frightened to look forward to anything aren't you?
Sigh!
Oh well, hopefully July 19th will improve things

I seem to have been dropped by a couple of friends. I was going through a bit of an upsetting time and I suppose they shouldn't have to put up with me being miserable. I only told one friend about it but I guess I am sending out miserable vibes or something.

I've got nothing planned for the weekend. It's really lonely. I don't feel it is the right time to go on dating sites as covid cases are rising. I do hobbies via Zoom and go to places on my own, see family. That's it.

Reading this back I sound like a barrel of laughs

One of my closest friends had a double bereavement during lockdown so is understandably not all that enthusiastic to go and paint the town. In fact they’re taking it very hard and will be a long time processing what’s happened I suspect.

I also had to really distance myself from another friend because they fell down the QAnon anti vax conspiracy hole and spending time with them became an exhausting exercise in treading on eggshells trying not to set her off on a rant.

My other two closest friends live in European cities. Pre-pandemic and pre-Brexit it was a doddle to hop on a Ryanair or the Eurostar to go and see them for the weekend. Feels impossible now.

I only have one good friend nearby and she works crazy hours.

My social life definitely looks a lot different to 18 months ago.

@OrchestraOfWankery

I'm waiting to see how things pan out after July 19th. I can't bear going to have a meal, visit museums etc; under the present controlled conditions. I'm more like......"ooh, I fancy going to Blah today" rather than booking in advance when I may not feel like it then, pissy weather etc; so I'll wait.

Yes it’s so soulless and devoid of joy.

Yep, same as everyone else, it just all seems like too much hassle with the restrictions atm, especially with a small child. We're just taking it slow and enjoying some of the new freedoms, e.g. visiting family and sitting outside cafés on occasion. Nobody I know is chomping at the bit to socialise either.
So I think it's partly due to the hassle of the restrictions, but also think I've changed a bit? I just don't seem that bothered with personal relationships anymore. Even the ones that I am keeping up with, I'm less emotionally engaged with. Can't decide if it's a good thing or not!

@lotsofcakeandchocolate

I seem to have been dropped by a couple of friends. I was going through a bit of an upsetting time and I suppose they shouldn't have to put up with me being miserable. I only told one friend about it but I guess I am sending out miserable vibes or something.

I've got nothing planned for the weekend. It's really lonely. I don't feel it is the right time to go on dating sites as covid cases are rising. I do hobbies via Zoom and go to places on my own, see family. That's it.

Reading this back I sound like a barrel of laughs

Sorry to hear that, I know logically not every friend is up for the emotional support role but you do hope that your friends will be there for you

@lotsofcakeandchocolate
You are allowed to be miserable and if they were true friends they would have supported you through a difficult time.
I have nothing planned either apart from a nice take away
You are stronger than you think the lock down has given us resilience to be on our own

Can relate. Agree with pp there's not much to talk about! Also compassion fatigue - I realised early on no one was going to be there for me to express my fear and sorrow over CV19 stuff, because we were all in the same boat. I got sick of listening to other people's feelings after a few months and shut myself down. Not exactly keen to open up again especially when I feel like no one is interested in how I'm feeling or coping at all. Chicken and egg perhaps?

I'm in a similar boat, the inertia of staying at rest/home if far harder to overcome than I was expecting.

I've also a few rough years before COVID with multiple losses, ill health, and friends I've lost for other reasons. I've generally understood that with restrictions I'm going to be a lower social priority over people's family and closer friends with the rule of 6 and things, but I've been looking forward to restarting once we moved and as things opened up, making my social life more of a priority -- but it's far more awkward and draining than I had expected.

Been in my home nearly a month and I still haven't met the neighbours yet and when a couple (parents of my kids' friends who my spouse used to see regularly at the kids things, but I mostly only see online) helped a few times during the move after really bad movers left us in the lurch (helped us move some furniture left behind and clean up some of the mess), and I've enjoyed talking with them but felt like I've lost how to socially talk in a normal way, as pp said it was like I've seen it all online so what's there to say now.

My spouse keeps talking about when things fully reopen having a belated house warming party and I'm like rabbit in headlights in trying to figure out how to do the things and getting the will to think on it. Maybe it's because he's worked out of the home the whole time and not really had the same drop in people contact and talking with people I have.

@starsigns28 - thank you. I am resilient but have down days as I am sure everyone does. I love a takeaway. Hope you enjoy yours.

@lotsofcakeandchocolate
You treat yourself to a take away too !
Funnily enough the friends/work colleagues that I thought would stay in touch haven't. Still working from home but if we do go back to the office / meet up it will be awkward

I have found that too. I think perhaps people are tired of Zoom meetings.