Last year, after my divorce I found myself in a relationship with a younger man. He’s 24, I’m 35.
We had been friends first, he was kind and attentive and what started as a bit of fun got serious quite quickly, or it did for me at least. Since Christmas, the relationship has become increasingly toxic. He is aggressive, gets angry at the slightest thing, he has thrown things at my walls and pulled the hand break up while I was driving last week. I suspect he was also sleeping with other women for the first few months we were together.
I ended the relationship, but we have been in this cycle before where it ends and then we get back together. I know he’s not right for me, I know this relationship is not safe and that I have done the right thing in leaving but I feel awful, it physically hurts today.
Time will heal I’m sure but I need to really look at myself and do some work around why I let myself be treated this way.
I miss him, the sex was amazing as it always is in a toxic relationship and there were so many times when it was so good. We would have one good week then one awful week and the cycle would start again. I know he’ll already be talking to other women, and I’m here thinking I’ll never get into another relationship again. I don’t even really want him, I just want him to want me I suppose. I know how awful that sounds.
I’m scared that if he contacts me I’ll be sucked back in. I have blocked him, but he has previously used other numbers to text me. I see how pathetic is written down I am an intelligent woman, I KNOW how fucked up this is but I need help staying away.
I can’t afford therapy, I’m going to do the freedom program, I’ve downloaded women who love too much…are there any podcasts or anything I could try? Please help me.