Asking him for money.. help.

[squishyegg]

Hello!

So a quick background. Met my partner whilst at university. I've been living off the loans and grants etc.

I fell pregnant and currently 30 weeks. Uni has just finished.

I will not be entitled to maternity pay etc because I haven't worked- my course was full time with a full time placement!

We live together, and he pays for everything now I have no income for myself.

I really hate this. I hate asking for money for things- I have always been financially independent!

I won't be working now until next year due to obviously having the baby.

I don't really know what the point of this post is- I know there's no way out of this dilemma!

We aren't entitled to UC either as he earns too much. But- he isn't what I'd say a high earner! We get by.

I just want to get some baby things or get myself a nice maternity dress and feel bad asking him for money for these things! X

Congratulations!

You will be entitled to child benefit but that's only £20 a week. Have you got family that could help you out? Or could you get a temp job or work from home job? What about childminding? Otherwise, yeah, you're at his mercy really 😕. What are your thoughts on marriage?

I’m sorry if this comes across as rude but when you say you’ve ‘always been financially independent’- when? You say yourself before that it was loans and grants.

I don’t think you have a choice but to depend on him, it sounds very stressful.

You shouldn’t have ask for money: if he’s financially supporting you then open a joint bank account so you have access to cash. It’s demeaning to have to request every bit if money you spend. You don’t have freedom to pop for a coffee or anything.

@SmidgenofaPigeon I was working part time through university- until I went on full time placement.... quite different to work when I was on placement Monday-Friday 9-5 and have a son to look after too!

So yes, I have always been financially independent. Without bursary's etc I'd not be able to complete my degree which in turn will give me a better future!

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe yeah I'd marry him... but kinda waiting for him to ask 😬

Difficult *

@PassionfruitOrangeGuava I think I might ask him about a joint account!

If you’d been working are you entitled to maternity allowance instead?

Do you get any maintenance from your son’s father?

@MuchTooTired unfortunately I didn't work enough hours!!

@Howshouldibehave I do not, no. He doesn't see his biological dad.

I think you are really financially vulnerable. Both you and your son have to depend on this man. What would you do in the event of a relationship breakdown? Hopefully that’s not going to happen- but would there be family you could go to?

You need to apply for universal credit ASAP

You're having a baby together. You've both decided this, yet you're unable to ask for a £30 maternity dress?

Look at it a different way. You'll be bringing up his child, I'm sure he'll accept that you need some items to cover this.

You're in a partnership. Then when maternity leave is over, look for a job.

Have you applied for the maternity grant to see if that will help? Eligible from 24 weeks. You can do this online - best start grant

[quote squishyegg]@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe yeah I'd marry him... but kinda waiting for him to ask 😬[/quote]
Why? He’s not the boss of your relationship.

You’re having a baby together, you’re living together, you’ve got him supporting you and your son.

Why can’t you have a proper talk about your future like the adults you are?

Either you're in a partnership, and he supports you financially while you have his baby, or you're not in a partnership, and you claim UC on your own. Its got to be one or the other.

Can't you chase the father of your first child through CMS?

You can't get UC because you're living with your decently earning partner, because it's normal and expected for him to support you at this time. If you don't have that kind of relationship, you've gotta wonder why you're together and having a child.

You need to be clear with him that you have no money, and if you both want to be living as a family then you need a money arrangement which reflects that you are a family and you will be at home with his child until you find work, so that you don’t have to ask every time you need to buy baby things or things for your other child.

If he doesn’t want to treat you as equals then I think it’s pretty clear he doesn’t see the two of you plus your baby and some other man’s kid as a proper family, and isn’t likely to stick around once he realises all the financial responsibility falls to him.

You’re in a very insecure position. I’d be looking for a proper job of your own as soon as possible after your baby is born.

Did you not get any financial support with your first son before you met your parent? What are the living arrangements?

Are you sure you're not entitled to maternity allowance rather than maternity pay? If you were working part time before you started your full time placement you might have met the earnings criteria. You will need to have earned £30 a week, 13 times in any of the 66 weeks before the baby is due. If you're 30 weeks now that'd very roughly be mid May 2020 - end Aug 2021. Or you still have 10 weeks to top up those 13 weeks if you're a few short and could get some part time work?

Why can’t you have a proper talk about your future like the adults you are?

Exactly.

Can you get a job for the summer? Even a part-time one or one you can do with your son.