DH making it difficult for me to self-isolate

[HusbandSelfIsolate]

I'm going into hospital for an operation in a week's time and have been trying to self-isolate for the past week, as per the hospital's request, but my DH keeps sabotaging my efforts and it's getting me down.

There have been lots of things, but to illustrate what I mean here's one example - I run a small business and have one employee. It's her day off today so I asked my DH if he would take one day off work to sit in the office to deal with any callers to the business whilst I work in the back room on my own, as I have been doing since the middle of last week. He agreed but, now the day has come he's refusing to do it so I have to meet members of the public which has rendered all my self-isolation up until this point null and void. I couldn't get anyone else in to cover the role because my back up staff member is on holiday and I can't simply stop doing my job because it involves a duty of care, although I can't say much more without making this post too outing.

How can I explain to DH that the company he works for would remain in business until tomorrow even if he took today off? He normally loses his annual leave allocation I should add, because he's far too important to the business to be absent for even a single day, apparently.

I explained exactly what help I needed several weeks ago and also reminded him the week before I was going to start self-isolating that there would be one single day when I would need him to sit in the front office and he agreed to do this but has now 'forgotten' the conversation that we had and is accusing me of micro-managing his time and of being lazy. I know it's inconvenient for him to sit somewhere other than his own office (he works from home) but, unless customers are on the premises he can still work on his laptop so it's not as though he can't do some work if he doesn't want to take a day off. I do appreciate that it's not the same as having a straight 8 uninterrupted time to work but it's literally one day of his life, unless the op doesn't go well I suppose but I don't want to think about that.

In the face of such arrogance and self- absorption I'm never going to make him understand am I?

He sounds a joy to be around.
Is he going to be any help once you have the op?

He’ll help as much as he feels able I suppose. He went away with work four years ago when I had a big op and I found that very tough and didn’t recover as quickly as I think I would have done if he’d been around to look after me a bit. I felt quite poorly and I couldn’t do much for myself but still he felt that work was more important than me. I think that was the first time I realised he didn’t actually love me. It would have been better if I’d left at that point 😢

Op I have read your ousts and it sounds iiie you don’t even like the man, let alone love him.
You seem utterly disappointed and plain annoyed with him, sickened even.

Clearly this is a horrible marriage. I doubt he’s in a good place either!

I’m glad that you have so much sympathy for him. He’d like that too 🤗 He’s always moaning about how much harder his life is than mine, despite me having a physical illness that is pretty miserable sometimes. None of his family speak to him and he has no friends, even amongst his work colleagues. It’s good that there are forgiving people out there though. I hope he finds one just like you when I finally get my act together and leave 😉

Bit sensitive OP!

Where do I say I have sympathy for him!

You clearly despise him.
He’s unwilling to help you out on any level

I mean it would indicate neither of you think much about the other wouldn’t it?

Gosh, a little…. Touchy there OP

The idea of a man like this makes me shudder
The idea of being in a marriage like this also makes me shudder

I’m divorced. But it never got as bad as I get the impression from your posts it is in your Marriage

Well I’m happy for you that you managed to get out but I haven’t managed it yet. I’m also divorced but, like a fool, got married again because my DH seemed like a lovely, caring man at first. Over the years he’s changed and believe me, it’s very hard to keep loving someone who doesn’t care about you. I did love him until my big op when the scales fell from my eyes. Not sure how I can force myself to keep loving him but all suggestions would be welcome, obviously.

You can’t force to love someone

You can force yourself to stay with someone

And that’s exactly what I’m doing i.e. forcing myself to stay. I’m ill and feeling vulnerable. If I get well I shall figure out how to leave but, right now, I’m having to put up with the situation and I’m sorry that I can’t keep up the pretence of being kind, even if that shows me in a bad light 🤷🏻‍♀️

Good luck OP

@HusbandSelfIsolate

I’m glad that you have so much sympathy for him. He’d like that too 🤗 He’s always moaning about how much harder his life is than mine, despite me having a physical illness that is pretty miserable sometimes. None of his family speak to him and he has no friends, even amongst his work colleagues. It’s good that there are forgiving people out there though. I hope he finds one just like you when I finally get my act together and leave 😉

Love this

OP I’m sorry your H is a selfish twat. He’s reaping what he sowed re the kitchen - he wanted it, he gets all that goes with it

Hope your op goes ok and that you’re soon up and about again. Maybe controversial but I don’t think I’d tell the hospital - you’ve taken every possible precaution given your circumstances - as a lone parent I’d have no option but to be in contact with my kids pre op, so to have people masked up and keeping their distance should be fine. I’m sure you’re following all the hygiene procedures you need to as well.

Thanks MRC :) I think I'm still within the guidelines and I spoke to the consultant last night who said not to worry but to wear a mask when I'm being driven to the hospital and have the car windows open if possible which I will definitely do. I would drive myself there but I won't be able to drive myself home so my car would end up marooned in the hospital car park 😬

Last time I went to hospital DH said he'd take me but changed his mind just before we were going to set off which was incredibly stressful. I managed to persuade him that I really needed a lift even though I was only having sedation because my insurance would be invalid for 24 hours afterwards.

Op, I remember you now.
I too have a fairly debilitating illness and DH has to do a lot for me. I can only imagine how miserable you must be stuck with this selfish, unkind man.
I hope your op will be successful and in the fullness of time you will recover and be able to leave him.

Thanks endoftheline and I'm really sorry that you also have an illness that robs you a lot of your independence too xx

@HusbandSelfIsolate

I’m glad that you have so much sympathy for him. He’d like that too 🤗 He’s always moaning about how much harder his life is than mine, despite me having a physical illness that is pretty miserable sometimes. None of his family speak to him and he has no friends, even amongst his work colleagues. It’s good that there are forgiving people out there though. I hope he finds one just like you when I finally get my act together and leave 😉

This could actually be my favourite ever post on the whole of MN! Excellent I hope your op goes well and I'm sorry you married such a cockwomble. What are his views on covid overall? Could it be he doesn't believe in the premise of self-isolation as he's a doubter?

Thanks StartingGrid :) He does seem to spend a long time tapping away on his phone and then explaining his political views/theories to me, none of which I agree with, ha ha. He does know that Covid is real so he's not completely taken leave of his senses!

Appalling behaviour by dh... Get rid ASAP.

I shall work on the getting rid part once I feel stronger, fingers crossed!

I can’t imagine not giving a friend a lift when sedation is involved, let alone a partner!
Hope you manage to finally leave when you are in the right headspace.

Oh and hope the op goes well.

Thank you Twoforthree :)

Good luck with your op.

Your husband sounds like a total prick, how uncaring can someone be? Ignore the PPs that are trying to turn it around on you, they're just here to make people feel worse than they already do!

Thanks denver :) It seems odd to me that there are posters who want to make people they don't know feel bad! I've decided to feel sorry for them because they are obviously struggling to voice their own problems 😯

Indeed. Just sad bastards with nothing better to do.

You've clearly done your best here and it would be the least you'd expect from your husband to support you. Good luck