Ex making up lies about phone

[Violetconfuse]

I work with my ex. When we split a year ago, he didn’t block me on social video but hid his active status. Fair enough.
So, we had a chat a few weeks ago about our past relationship and I said I still cared about him and would like to be friends. He said if I wanna talk just reach out.
So we’ve been chatting casually about our day at work.
He came up to me at work and said I’m not ghosting you my phone is broken and I need to get a new one. I said I hadn’t sent him any messages but thanks for letting me know.
Next day I went in and said he could borrow my old phone if he wanted, just had to put the SIM card in. He went beetroot in the face and said actually I’m having an internet break just now. I don’t wanna be on the internet…..which means he lied about the phone being broken
Then he changed it to my kids have top of the range phones I’m not going to bother getting a phone because it won’t be as good as there’s.
What the actual fuck?
Is he giving me the run around? Does he not want to be in touch with me and putting me off messaging him? I’m confused and none of it makes sense.
I’m thinking about blocking him. I still have feelings for him and I sensed he had feelings for me but if he wanted to chat with me online then he would wouldn’t he? It sounds like he’s just avoiding me.
I’m upset because he’s lied to me.

You can’t be friends with him whilst you still have feelings for him. It’s not going to work, you will always be hoping he’ll decide he wants more.

He’s you ex for a reason, there are all kinds of reasons he may have lied (if indeed he did); including that he knows you still have feelings for him and is giving you the brush off / doesn’t want you inundating him with messages so is just easier to say his phone is broken.

Leave him be, communicate only where the DC are concerned, try and move in with your life.

He is an ex. So he has a right to privacy and whatever it is he is going through.

Even if you still have feelings for him - you really need to figure out a way to move on and not spend so much energy on analysing this ‘relationship’. It’s not easy to get over someone while working with them, so I am sorry, it must be hard.

Can I ask - was he the one who initiated the split? Because it sounds like he felt sorry for you and said you can continue chatting because of some guilt.
And then he was having second thoughts about it.

In you want be able for both of you to function well at work - you need to stop dramatising. There is no need to ‘block’ him or escalate anything. He hasn’t ‘lied’ - he isn’t in a relationship with you. Let him be. It’s not your business what he does with his phone.
You can always talk to him in person at work.

I initiated the break up, he was emotionally unavailable and hot and cold. We were so close though, I miss him. I want him in my life but not romantically.
He used to obsess over me and my social media, used to check my page a lot more than he should, he told me this when we were on and off.
I just found it strange how he said he wasn’t ghosting me when I hadn’t actually sent any messages. It was like he was reassuring me that he wants to talk but his phone is buggered.
But then today the story changed and it was clear that his phone isn’t actually broken.
None of it made any sense. I haven’t been sending him any messages.
I really hope he’s not just appeasing me and feels guilty for hurting me. I just don’t want to accept him not being in contact then boom when he feels like it, picks me up again.
Think I should give him a wide berth actually after this.

Absolutely block him and absolutely give him a wide birth.

As pp said, you cannot be friends with someone you have feelings for anyway.

Block him and avoid him. He is a dick.

Probably has a gf or something and realised actually it was no ok for you to stay in contact with him. Or she read him the riot act when he mentioned it. And rightly so.

If he realised he didn’t want to be in contact, it doesn’t make any sense to say he’s not ghosting me. I don’t understand why you would say your phone is broken, when I hadn’t actually sent anything to him.
If he wanted to avoid me, surely reassuring me that he’s not avoiding me is the opposite way to do things.
I really don’t get it. I just know I feel off about it and he’s lieing for a reason I don’t know about. He actually said he needs to stop spending money on eBay….which is total shit. Either the phone is broken or he’s taking an internet break not both.
I guess I’m just gonna let him go, if he wants to be friends he knows where I am, I can’t be arsed with all this bullshit. He never makes sense to me and I’m fed up of trying to work him out.

He maybe wanted you to be in contact with him in order to stroke his ego. And when you told him you hadn't actually messaged him, his ego took a hit.

Either way he sounds like a lot of unnecessary drama in your life you dont need.

It's similar, I suspect, to when someone says: "I'm not [X], but..." - and suddenly you realise that, actually, they are whatever 'X' might be. So your ex has essentially said to you: "I'm not ghosting you, but... I'm ghosting you!"

I'd also wonder, if I were you, if he'd met someone new and they'd discovered him still talking to his ex (you) and kicked off. But either way, OP, you're better off without this in your life. You deserve more than he is capable of giving you, and his feeble attempts to cover up what he'd said (broken phone, Internet break, spending too much on Ebay and not wanting to compete with his kids 'phones... I mean seriously ?!) simply go to prove this, I'm afraid.

I’m just going to lay low and keep quiet and if he asks why I’m off with him, which I don’t think he will do I will just tell him he’s a bad liar and the phone story was bullshit.
I wasn’t going to message him, actually I think if he wants me in his life he can prove it to me rather than me chase him, I never intended on messaging him.
But I think he will realise I’m not that stupid, because now I’m just going to avoid him instead. I can’t believe he thinks I’m that stupid. Leads me on with I’m not ghosting you, my phones broken then shuts me down when I offer him a phone to tide him over and feeds me a load of bullshit.
I feel so shit right now.

he was emotionally unavailable and hot and cold. We were so close though,

Contradictory statements.

Leave him well alone now or he'll be messing you about again.

He doesn't want you but doesn't want anyone else to have you. He's deliberately messing with you and probably seeing other people.

He is no friend and never will be.

I think he’s giving you the hint that he actually doesn’t want to chat with you. It would have been easier if he had said that in the first place.

Had something similar happen to me before. Made a Facebook page and ex kept making up weird excuses not to accept my friend request, e.g. “I want to hear news from you directly, not from Facebook” while having everyone else he knows on there and me now living abroad. Stopped messaging him and he did the same to me.

Anyway, sometimes people are annoying and think that giving pathetic excuses and expecting you to mind read is easier that just telling you what they really think.

I bumped into him whilst getting coffee, he said hi and I muttered a hi back, wasn’t smiley and like oh hey! And I walked right past him after that. I think he could tell I wasn’t buying this bullshit.
I really don’t understand why he would go out of his way to say he’s not ghosting me and make up a lie about the phone being broken, when I hadn’t even sent him a message. If anything it had reassured me that he did want to talk! But today has opened my eyes. The lies, pathetic ways of putting me off.
I was going to confront him, in my head but when he was right there infront of me I thought nah keep your dignity. He knows I’m not that stupid anyway.
Guess I will go back to ignoring his existence.
I’m really upset and hurt I wish I wasn’t but I am.

Just an update
The next day he approached me again, said he is getting a new charger for his phone, went into detail what’s wrong with it etc.

I still felt off about the situation, managed to find out he was on fb liking posts on groups he likes…so not taking an internet break then.
Decided to block him and ignore him at work, I won’t even look at him and he’s not asked me what’s wrong. He knows I know he’s lieing.
Think it’s a first that I’ve been lead on and blown off at the same time!

I just don’t want to accept him not being in contact then boom when he feels like it, picks me up again.

Yes.
You had good reasons for finishing this relationship ... & it's entirely possible that he will be no better for you as a friend than he was as a boyfriend.
I don't think it's healthy for you to even be entertaining worrries about his ability to pick you up / drop you at whim. It sounds like a mismatched power balance, & you might feel a lot better if you simply choose not to expose yourself to it.
No need to analyse it & certainly not to discuss it with him.
Just block on all socials, & keep it professional from now on.
Better for your mental health, & much better for your work life.

Think I should give him a wide berth actually after this.

You certainly should - he's a flake. While I agree with PP above that he doesn't owe you anything, all the dramatics about his phone/the internet/his kids phones is shady & unnecessary.
Cut his dramatics out of your life, & you won't need to waste any time wondering about him, his motives, or his flakey behaviours.
No need for any drama from your end - just quietly block him on all socials, & stay breezily professional at work.

If, following his on/off shenanigans, he notices he is blocked & has the temerity to question why, tell him you have decided that it's better if you keep all interactions on a work footing from now on. No need to explain or justify - it's not a debate.
You simply didn't enjoy his nonsense about social media comms, & prefer not to engage any further.

You are still way too emotionally involved with this. You need to spend less time with him and move on. Nothing has changed. He is still blowing hot and cold even out of a relationship

I really don’t get it. I just know I feel off about it and he’s lieing for a reason I don’t know about.

it's very simple, & I am not meaning to be harsh to you, which you absolutely do not deserve.
He's mucking you about with his phone lies - as a friend - in exactly the same way he mucked you about with his blowing hot & cold when he was your boyfriend.

It's either flakiness, or he enjoys manipulating you.

He never makes sense to me and I’m fed up of trying to work him out.

He sounds worse with every update, & I suspect he loves knowing how much headspace his confusing behaviours costs you. Please do yourself a huge favour & just STOP. Take control, & block the gameplaying twit.
He isn't worth your time, energy or thought. Invest all that time into thinking about yourself instead, & making a great life without him in it :)

actually I think if he wants me in his life he can prove it to me rather than me chase him

Violet my dear, this is an admirable sentiment in many ways but ...
for the love of all that's sacred, why leave it up to him?
You will feel so much better when you make the best decision for yourself, which is to cut this nonsense out of your life with a few simple social media blocks.

Anything else is leaving yourself open to him continuing to amuse himself with his ridiculous hot & cold routine, & I am concerned that you are already too invested in analysing his actions & wondering if he will message you.

He's playing cat & mouse with you. Close the mousehole, & concentrate on living your life for you, not at the whim of some random work colleague you are no longer in a relationship with.