why does my mum keep going on about my lovely 5 month old dd saying shes gonna go off the rails when she a teenager

[robinredbreast]

posted this in parenting, but thought id ask you guys in here 2

had a bad relationship with my mum all my life but it was worse when i was in my teens and when a became pregnant she "started again"

i wasnt an angel but i really wasnt that bad either when i was a teenager
wasnt really helped by the fact
that mum used to tell me she hated me
and that iwas clean on the outside and dirty on the inside !
[after reading my secreat diary and finding i had a bf]
ignoring me for days
and being a bitch to me

now i am happily married and have a beautiful dd who is 5 months old and is very bright happy sleeps 12-13 hours a night she cant stand it
and seems to be willing me to fall

and keeps saying shes gonna give you hell when shes older, and just wait till shes a stroppy 14 year old

i want to say well you caused 80% of my problems when i was a teenager so hopefully me and dd will have abetter realationship

if it was said affectionatly in a joking way i really wouldnt mind
but its said in a snippey putting down kinda way
and she seems desperate fot me to fail,how sad is that

we cannot really talk about the past as she always denines whats happened and pretends that certain things didnt happen
she cannot face the truth

i was thinking of saying something along the lines of, now mum you know the past is something we can never talk about so stop bringing it up

this may embaress her, as she ALWAYS says these put downs in front of others and i feel if i say anything it would be like was making a big deal

ive ignored it three times now and its pissing me off more and more each time

am i crazy to think that teenage girls can have a good relationship with their mums?

i want us to have a great mother/daughter friendship im gonna try soooo hard

when we where at my cousins house to bid farewell to her baby daugher my 2nd cousin,she had a brain tumor and died at 19 months old ,god rest her soul,we went to say goodbye the day before she died. when i was about 34 weeks pg
mum started going on and on about what a terror i was
thats how much of a bitch she can be

yes right in front of my cousin whose baby girl was dying right in front of our eyes, fucking going on about what a nightmare girls are
that must of made things even worse for her
she must of been think my aunt x is going on about what hell it is having a daughter, on my daughters death bed

does this give you some idea about what shes like?

ttc thanks for sharing your story with me it really helps to not feel such a freak and alone
sounds like your well rid of her
sorry you had to go through all this

im sure this well make us strive harder to be great mums as we care so much about our dc

thanks for the insight as to why you think shes like this

my mum also told me my dad had no interest in me or time for me as a child when i was on the verge of havinga mc with dd
i replied well he never made me feel that way
she sais thats cuz i did a good job of hiding it

ive not told dad she said this, i think he would be shocked or maybe im scared he'll say yeah thats right

if i feel she is in anyway shape ir form causing problems for my dd thats it shes gone
im more worried about lossing my brothers i guess as even the other day i thought when she dies i dont think ill really care , bloody hell feel terrible for typing that

although id prob just feel messed up and confused when she dies

she tries to put me down then get me to agree with her

Hey RRB

My nan - my mum's mum - was a toxic parent. She hated my mother, used to lock her in cupboards, hit her, tell her she wished she had never been born.

This kind of treatment only made my mum more determined that she was never going to treat her children like that. And she never, never did.

There are five of us kids and we love her like no other. Just because you have a toxic parent doesn't mean you'll be one yourself. That's total bullshit. You just get on with loving your beautiful daughter and to hell with your mum.

Positive advice Krang

Just because your own parents were rubbish doesn't mean that you will be.

In fact it makes you even more determined to be a great parent.

RRB, I think you're already a great parent!

Read Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. Highly recommended.

I bought this on eBay a couple months back, and it's now like my bible. I cannot move forward until I beat my alcoholism first.

IMVHO, having a rubbish parent, makes you even more determined to not turn out like they did. Can only do your best RRB, and it sounds like you're doing a very fine job!

Try this thread for more people in your boat!

I faced same issues, mother was not nice (understatement) to me when I was a child/teenager. Became pg and married and suddenly the sun shone out of my a*se. I broke contact with her before she could start trying to devide me and my dd with the snippy put downs and sneers. Your allowed to be angry and your allowed to be sad. Don't bottle it up. You can also ask for a temporary separation from her by letter so you can get your thoughts together. A separation will probably go down like a lead balloon with her but its your life, your dd and your the parent now. You will be different because you've been there and realised where it went wrong.

Try also 'divorce a parent' beverley engel...that was my bible! And its not just about divorcing a parent...its about just separating and getting more of what you want from the relationship...don't be scared off by title!

gotta go, take care xxx