Am I wrong?

[Beth1408]

So me and my partner have been together for almost 8 years now, we're 22 and are expecting our first child together in October. His family are very close strung, and very involved in each others lives which I've always thought was really nice. But my family isn't that way, and are even less so since my mum passed away 2 years ago.

Anyway to get to the point, throughout our entire time together we have never had Christmas dinner together, and have always had it with our own families and then I've gone to his family in the evenings. It has been the same since we were teenagers. Last year I did say that I would have dinner with his family, but then he agreed to work all day! So I had to try and juggle my time with both families, and in turn I barely saw anything of my own.

I mentioned to him how I barely saw my family last year, it was the first time ever that I hadn't even seen my grandparents and how this year I wanted to have dinner with my family, but would be happy to go round to his families house in the evening. He suggested that he would still be going to his families house for dinner, but I really thought that things would be different now. Especially since we will have a baby together by that time. I would just suggest we had dinner with his family and then went to see mine in the evening, but I know that will never happen and isn't even worth mentioning. I tried that a few years ago when we'd first moved out but his family kicked up a fuss and said that "they always spend Christmas evening together" and that it wasn't fair to ruin tradition.

Am I wrong for being annoyed by this? Does anybody else not spend Christmas together with their partner and their children?

I cant really work out from your post whether you are trying to please dp or his family. Either way, you, dp and the baby are a family in it's own right. That means you both need to pick the best solution for the two of you and the subsequent families will just have to get over themselves.

If dp is proving difficult to please, then impress upon him that he has his own family now and that the wants of his and your wider family are secondary.

Compromise somewhere, whether that's Christmas Day at 1, Boxing Day at the the other then swap next year or Christmas Morning til noon at 1 then Christmas Afternoon at the other each year.

Alternatively spend Christmas Day together just the three of you at home and invite the grandparents to pop on for drinks and nibbles on Boxing Day

Oh, and its all well and good trying not to ruin others traditions, but not when it comes to being able to establish some traditions of your own!

By Christmas you'll be your own little family, just spend the day with the three of you at home making your own traditions.

but I really thought that things would be different now.

Sorry OP, the above was just wishful thinking on your part, especially given past experiences.

It sounds like you’re going to find out through bitter experience that his life won’t be changing that much and the overwhelming majority of the parenting responsibilities, will fall to you.

Maturity wise, he’s a child having a child. You’ll be expected to be the adult in the relationship, until his family decides that they’ll should have a say and then he’ll parrot anything they say.

You’ve been with this man since you were 14?

@Chikapu

By Christmas you'll be your own little family, just spend the day with the three of you at home making your own traditions.

When I sat down with him and actually talked it through with him and let him know how I felt that was the agreement we came to😊. That way out families can come to us if they want to, but it stops us feeling guilty about not going to spend the day with our separate sides of the family.

Also I think people are being a bit harsh here, I didn't post this thread to bad mouth my OH or his family. I just simply wanted yo know if anybody else had experienced something similar or if they thought I was in the wrong. Certainly myself nor my partner are "children having children" or "immature" by any measure. He's a great partner, and he (and his family might I add) have been rocks to myself and my family, especially since my mothers passing.

This was simply a conflict of interest, that we have since talked over and resolved since this post. Perhaps it was me being more immature by not talking to him about it this time around before posting about it online. But either way, thank you everybody for your advice/input. It's appreciated.