How do I get husband to leave?

[southeastlady]

Hi all
First post on Mumnet, I apologise for the essay!

Bit of background;

My husband is a big drinker, on a work night he will have around 6 cans of lager, more on a Friday & Saturday night (around 10 cans) he also does drugs at the weekend

If I didnt control all the money he would quite easily spend £150+ a week on himself

I'm just so worn down by it all and am thinking I want out to be honest.

I saw a solicitor a while ago who advised that as long as he pays his half of the mortgage he's perfectly entitled to live here.

I'm worried that in 10 years I'll still be in the same rubbish life as I am now.

If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it.

If relevant we own our house as tenants in common with un-equal shares.
We also have a trust deed where I get back the money I put in (I owned a flat on my own that I sold to fund house purchase)

How much equity in the house? What about pensions? I am not sure the deed of trust will apply if your marriage is a deemed long term and you have a child. Did you discuss this with the solicitor?

Have you broached getting him to leave and discussed a settlement? If you could remortgage to release some equity you might he able to shape a deal he will accept. Have you seen a mortgage provider?

Upshot is, it won't get better and not sure the financial situation will get easier (unless you think you might be able to have an inheritance). The best time is now, especially whilst your dc is quite young.

With a younger child and assuming you have residency then you can propose a larger share of the equity. If he refuses to engage with you then just start divorce proceedings...it's a process that leads to you being divorced and he can't avoid it forever. A financial settlement never feels possible at the outset but over time solutions get clearer.

1. Sell the house, rent and buy a cheaper place as btl.
2. Stay and remortgage
3. Move to a cheaper area if your job allows

Trust that solutions will be there...everyone can get away from a bad marriage.

I may be wrong but I think au pairs can only be asked to work 3 hrs a day?

They can't be childcare option, only fill in gaps .

I would only need the au pair to take to school and pick up if I wasnt there. The 2 days i'm on nights I would need them to be in but son will be in bed

I asked the solicitor if our trust deed is still valid if married and she said yes as we are not joint tenants but tenants in common with un equal shares

On what the house is worth today I would need to give him £29,000 to buy him out

Ok that's great, an au pair could be perfect for you

How much would it cost to buy him out? Could you not get a loan, pay him off and turf him out

But even if you buy him out you'll still need the mortgage company to give you a mortgage on just your salary. You can't keep his name on the mortgage.

If you won't get a mortgage then you'll have to sell

Could you lengthen the term of the mortgage to release equity but reduce monthly payment?

I would need £29,000 to buy him out

Remaining term is 27 years when I'll be 64

I spoke to the provider and on paper they would let me have the current amount outstanding on my salary alone, but they said if I can prove I can pay it alone for 6 - 12 months they would let me have it in just my name

*sorry on paper wouldn't let me not would :)

You need proper legal advice. I couldn't get my ex to move out because he was on the mortgage. We ended up living together but separated for two years until my family helped buy him out. If buying out isn't an option, then you need to talk to a solicitor about what is realistic.

If you want to leave him, tell him. Start the divorce. Decide where your DS is going to live. You usually have to agree what is happening about childcare before you can negotiate the financial side of things. But I don't see that you have anything to lose by starting the process.

Good luck.