How do you seduce a guy? Without being really obvious?

[mummyvontummy]

Posted last night about a mature student that I'm studying with, we both really like each other, electricity everywhere, hurrah! After three sad long years of singledom here comes mr Sexy!
Well, at least that's what I thought. We've seen each other nearly every day in classes and the library and studied together every evening after dd has gone to bed for two months, and it all came to a head on Friday. I spent the whole weekend on cloud 9, until he comes over on Sun night and says that it was a mistake and he really appreciates my friendship (hmmmm) more than having a relationship with me.
Then yesterday he starts talking about how wonderful he thinks I am and how he admires me and then he turns the conversation to marriage, proposals etc and what I consider to be romantic (not talking about marrying me in it obviously, but surely men don't talk about that kind of thing in every day conversation) and how lovely it is being at my house and how he loves being with me, and then today he admits he has strong feelings for me but wants to supress them-noooooo! I am crazy about him, I don't want him to surpress them-what can I do!!! I don't want to lose him to someone else!

You need to find out why he is suppressing them. This will be the key to it all.

do you think its possible that he's worried about taking you on board because you have a child. He obviously really likes you otherwise it wouldn't have come to a head (as you say) - maybe afterwards in the cold light of day he thought differently.

Mckenzie

i agree w/KerryMum.

run fast and far.

Yes agree with kerrymum, nice men don't do that

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Although I agree with MotherFunk that generally bad men would sleep with you first before starting the stuff about supressing feelings, there are some really manipulative men out there who do the whole confused thing before persuading you that you have seduced them against their better judgement. So then you end up feeling that the emotional fall out is all your fault becuase they told you they weren't 'in the right place' for a relationship (or whatever reason they give) but you seduced them anyway.

If you can I would take a big step back. All this hot/cold stuff is very manipulative. I don't buy the whole 'likes you too much' thing. In my experience if men like you they like you. They may be a bit shy, but their reasons and motives are rarely as complicated as we like to imagine!

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agree with millie

also definitely think you need some answers about why he feels the need to supress his feelings. his response to that will be the key.

past relationships affecting him / fear of getting hurt etc - all ok to deal with

but if it's because he cannot cope with the responsibility of a child / doesn't want the same things as you / won't commit etc - run for the hills!

Maybe he isn't really that interested and tells you all that 'I have strong feelings but want to suppress them', 'you're wonderful' stuff because he's trying to let you down gently.

I'm sorry, but it sounds to me like he's telling you that he doesn't want to have a relationship.

blimey starlight - and impressed

By 'coming to a head' I assumed she had slept with him?

I would run a mile. How old is he? I am so sick of 40 something single men and their bloody ishoos.

My advice would be listening to what he is actually saying, don't try and work out what he's not saying. He says he doesn't want a relationship, simple.

Men don't ususally send mixed messages like that. Very odd.

I agree with the others. Take a BIG step back. Don't be too eager, it can be a turn off for some men. Play hard to get and he will soon come running, panting like a little puppy ....

Is it possible he is a virgin, seriously? unless you saying things came to a head means you slept with him.

oh and pmsl at startlight

What about suggesting you both have a breather for a couple of weeks? Say you are not in any hurry, and don't want to put him under any pressure.
My guess will be that this break will reaffirm his emotional/sexual desire and will bring him banging on your door! [hopefully, with his pants in his hands]