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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help! Can I get the sexual connection back?

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Soph32 · 15/06/2021 14:01

I left my husband 9 months ago, it was a shock for everyone as we had a great relationship, he’s a great husband and father and would do anything for me/us. Over the previous year or two I found myself not interested in sex at all, I would make excuses, and when I decided I should probably do it that night I would dread it all day. I cringed if he tried to touch me because he’s not affectionate towards me at all until he is wanting sex. I found myself wondering if he even loved me and if he would be bothered if I left. Since the separation we have both been in another relationship. It doesn’t bother me at all- the thought of my husband with someone else. I know it should make me feel sick with anxiety but it doesn’t. Being in a new relationship has made me realise that I wasn’t emotionally or sexually connected to my husband anymore and this is the first time that I have come to any conclusion about what was wrong with our marriage. About a month ago he told me he wanted me to give it another chance and see if we could get the connection back- the first time since I left that he has made his feelings clear. I ended things with the guy I had been seeing so I could invest some time in my marriage. We’ve spent more time together with our 6 year old and we have had a date night. We’ve slept together once but again I wasn’t turned on, and it just felt off. Has anyone any advice on how to get a connection back? Or perhaps someone has had a similar experience, how did it pan out for you? I have really strong feelings for the guy I was seeing and I have been really upset about ending things with him but I feel that after 10 mostly happy years, a child and a good life with my husband I owe it another shot to get back what was missing I just don’t know how to get the sex life back on track.

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