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Original poster

Was I wrong to end it?

13 replies

WildflowerWildfire · 15/06/2021 13:02

I just can’t let myself be happy in my relationship. We had a rough start and he did a lot of shit things that hurt me but I agreed to move past them and to give it another go.

But then thoughts pop into my head and I have to confront him. Today, for example, I felt sick at the thought of him using porn after he told me he had no interest in looking at other women (previous issues of him ogling naked women on Instagram and “liking” lots of pics). So today I asked him if he’d watched any and he said he had indeed looked at porn since we’ve been “good”. We have a very healthy sex life so why?! I’ve ended it and I don’t know whether it’s me or him. Am I just incapable of relationships?

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 15/06/2021 13:11

It isn’t ever wrong to end a relationship because you’re unhappy. (And relationships that start out with rough times and involve one person behaving poorly right from the start are rarely ever going to end up happy.) On the porn, “it” isn’t either of you, per se. You just don’t agree on a particular issue which is going to affect your relationship, which makes you incompatible. You need to find somebody who doesn’t watch porn or look at pictures of other people; he needs to find somebody who isn’t especially bothered by it. It’s better for you both that you’ve ended things.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/06/2021 13:13

We had a rough start and he did a lot of shit things that hurt me but I agreed to move past them and to give it another go.

That was clearly a huge mistake. The relationship should have ended back then, so be glad it's over now. You're well rid of him.

Peach01 · 15/06/2021 13:15

Did the shit things he done involve other women?
You weren't wrong to end it. If he's doing things that make you feel insecure or hive you doubts then of course you're not wrong to end it.
You don't ever have to accept and put up with behaviours you're not happy with.

tenlittlecygnets · 15/06/2021 13:16

@Aquamarine1029

We had a rough start and he did a lot of shit things that hurt me but I agreed to move past them and to give it another go.

That was clearly a huge mistake. The relationship should have ended back then, so be glad it's over now. You're well rid of him.

This. He's supposed to be on his best behaviour at the start of a relationship. Sounds like you have him too many chances.
Original poster
WildflowerWildfire · 15/06/2021 13:16

It was a mistake looking back yes. He’s done a lot of things to make up for it since but I think this porn thing is just the final straw. If it wasn’t for the way we started out and his obsession with perfect bodied insta women then I could probably ignore it, but it makes me sick that he still watches it after how much he’s put me through. I just feel as though he doesn’t have the right to. Is that controlling on my part?

OP posts:
Original poster
WildflowerWildfire · 15/06/2021 13:18

@Peach01 he basically couldn’t decide whether he wanted his ex or me. So he left me to go back to her. His excuse was that they were together for 10 years and his head was a mess. I took him back Sad

OP posts:
Peach01 · 15/06/2021 13:24

You're well shot of him. If he couldn't decide, he should've remained single instead of dragging you through that mess only to let you down time & time again.
You've made the right decision.

Original poster
WildflowerWildfire · 15/06/2021 13:27

Thank you. The prospect of being alone again is horrible but ultimately I’ll never get over the past.

OP posts:
Original poster
WildflowerWildfire · 15/06/2021 17:45

I’m doubting everything 😩 can anyone help me stay strong?

OP posts:
BuddleiaBlooming · 15/06/2021 20:10

@WildflowerWildfire

It was a mistake looking back yes. He’s done a lot of things to make up for it since but I think this porn thing is just the final straw. If it wasn’t for the way we started out and his obsession with perfect bodied insta women then I could probably ignore it, but it makes me sick that he still watches it after how much he’s put me through. I just feel as though he doesn’t have the right to. Is that controlling on my part?
It isn't controlling to have boundaries.

It would be controlling to police what he does and issue him with ultimatums but deciding something isn't for you amd ending it - that's normal and healthy.

BuddleiaBlooming · 15/06/2021 20:11

[quote WildflowerWildfire]@Peach01 he basically couldn’t decide whether he wanted his ex or me. So he left me to go back to her. His excuse was that they were together for 10 years and his head was a mess. I took him back Sad[/quote]
Oh God, you should have laughed in his face when he asked you to take him back!

Monsteraobliqua · 16/06/2021 15:59

You've 100% done the right thing. A wandering eye (and this would include on Instagram for me, grown men don't need to be publically admiring other women, it's indiscreet and disrespectful) or interest elsewhere, is not something I would find acceptable. It isn't going to get better as the relationship progresses. Porn sounds like it is deal breaker for you in which case, fine. Stick to your boundaries on it.

Sandra15 · 16/06/2021 16:04

You have definitely done the right thing. Porn is a dealbreaker for me, I hate it. It's exploitative and disgraceful (IMO) and I wouldn't touch anyone with a bargepole who was involved with it.

But it's more than that. He is a headmesser. He went off to his ex, and then came back. Why did it not work with the ex the second time around?

You are well rid of him. And being on your own is preferable to being with a complete chump like this one. He's pathetic!

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