He threw his phone and pushed me

[Batizon]

I've name changed for this

Me and my partner have been together for 2 years. We have a 6 month old together.

Last night I went on his phone (he knew about this) but I noticed he had pictures of women screenshotted from google in his camera roll, they were all in underwear etc. I asked him why and he shouted that he didnt know and told me to stop accusing him of things (I didn't accuse him of anything). He then threw his phone and got up as pushed past me. He's been sulking since. This is also out of character, he's normally really kind and isn't a violent person at all

They aren't until challenged.

The mask has slipped and there's more to his story.

He is violent now. Get him to leave at least for now

He’s angry because you’ve discovered his grubby little secret. And yes - he is a violent man.

You've only been together two years. You don't know him yet.

Completely unacceptable behaviour. His mask has started to slip.

He's shouting to intimidate you and make you not ask anything else.

@Nonmaquillee

He’s angry because you’ve discovered his grubby little secret. And yes - he is a violent man.

Exactly this ⬆️

He’s showed you that he’s violent

2 years isn't that long at all. Think he's let the mask slip a bit.

You had only been together for 9 months when you got pregnant. You don't really know him at all. Now the real him is coming out, its not nice at all... Good men don't yell and throw things.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.
Abusive men tend to (but not always) show their true colours around the 18 month to two years mark. Now you are seeing who he really is.

He by his actions of shouting etc is he trying to exert power and control over you. And now by sulking further he is now emotionally abusing you.

This is no life for you or for that matter your child. I would start planning my exit from this relationship with due care.

I knew him for about 3 years before we got into a relationship. Our relationship is usually good and he's a good dad to DS

So why do YOU think he behaved in that way?

Dont many men enjoy looking at women in underwear? I'd not even ask my dh if I saw these pictures unless they were of people we knew!

His response is ridiculous at best and a red flag at worst.

I maintain that you have never known him as well as you thought.

How can he be a good dad to his son if he treats you, the mother of his child, like this?.

Women in poor relationships often write the good dad comment when they can think of nothing else positive to write about their man.

OP even if you have known him for years, people can change. People can especially change when they are confronted with a reflection of themselves they hate in the eyes of a partner. I suspect he is angry and ashamed and projecting it onto you.

The question is, now you now what he is capable of, what do you think you need to do?

He knew what he’d done was shady (sleazy photos) and his guilt made him violent and lash out at you physically.

I would say the relationship needs to be over. Which is shit because you have a young baby, I know but he’s just fallen into the category of No Going Back.

My ex used to do the same if he ever felt an ounce of shame. It was so weird because all I did was ask a question but he would take it as some affront and then have all the dramatics, "I don't know", Huff huff, aggression etc. It was actually terrifying because what I said hadn't been accusatory at all. How does he deal with shame generally? I never managed to get my ex to see what a dickhead he was being over nothing and the abuse escalated because how dare YOU make me feel something negative. I'll make you regret that kind of mentality. Do you ever feel like you have to walk on eggshells or censor yourself?

@Batizon, you think you know him.

You've had several posters say the same thing.

This is how it starts. He threw his phone because you made him do it.
He had photos on his phone, because you weren't giving him enough attention.
The next time, it will be something else that was your fault.
Then something else.
And one day, you'll be hearing him being arrested for assaulting you, and he'll twist it round to say that it was self defence.

He's shown you who he is. Kick him out.

He's a pervert and he's now escalated to physically abusing you when challenged-hardly a "good dad"

He's abusive, sorry. It will only get worse as behavioural boundaries blur and if you appear to tolerate it. Where was your dc at the time? Longer term is this the example you want set for them?

I would say - it's not the end of the world and if he is otherwise a good guy - let this one slide.
However - This is how it started in my marriage. An odd random anger burst - an odd smashed laptop an odd remote control flying my way. Not often - maybe once or twice a year. But we had a kid and he was otherwise a kind and gentle guy.

So I just let it slide - apparently all people lose it occasionally.

Years went by and, eventually, one day he pushed me so hard, I fell on the floor. I got up and he pushed me again. So I said - this is divorce. He then cried and apologised etc etc.

The last thing that happened - I saw on his phone that he was texting another woman. He then confessed they have been out a few times but nothing happened, because he loves me too much. And it is all over, anyway.
So I asked for his phone pin - giving he has nothing to hide.
He then went on yelling at me at the top of his voice - how dare I accuse him of anything. It's all my fault for neglecting him. He then smashed the door so hard - the door frame cracked and some bits fell off. I slept that night with my clothes on, with my and kids passports etc in case I'd have to just flee the house in the middle of the night.

The point of my story is - keep an eye on it. And make sure - if you ever have to leave him - you have a good job or savings. Look after yourself. .

This is not acceptable.