Would you say this is normal progress?

[Brabrabra11]

A few months in, see each other 2 nights a week usually, typically a Saturday and Sunday, sometimes a week night. Speak daily by text and couple of times a week on the phone. Said we love each other a few weeks ago but definitely don’t say it weekly..more just out of the blue every now and then.

We haven’t talked about moving in together. though we both speak in general terms about wanting a family/marriage.

He’s 39, I’m 32.

I’m pretty sure about him and want to be with him, he makes me laugh etc. I would like to go at high speed progressing it all but I have rushed in before and it’s not gone well. Is this normal progress would you say?

How many months?

Sounds too fast progress tbh if you are saying 'I love you' just 'a few months in'. I mean, if it's just a few months, you dont even really KNOW eachother yet.

Let alone thinking about things like living with him.

What's the rush?
If it really is just a few months then it should really still be just a bit of fun surely.

The contact sounds fine.
But seriously, chill.

There's a wide range of 'normal' but this sounds absolutely fine to me.

Thanks @Umberellatheweatha I’ve been dating so long that when I met him I was so relieved to have found someone I really clicked with. I don’t want to get ahead of myself though. We first spoke in December and met on Christmas Eve. So it’s not been that long. Guess I worry we should see each other more. I would like to

Nine months in, see each other 1 or 2 nights a week typically a Friday and Saturday. Never a week night. Speak daily by text and rarely on the phone. Have not said we love each other yet but I worry about that.

However I'm divorced and he's widowed and we have children so know from experience that slow is good. I'm a bit burnt but didn't realise my exH had huge issues until about three years in so just chill.

Thanks @leopardandspots xx

Ah 5 and a half months makes the I love you's a little bit more ok I suppose.

Hmm I'd be careful op, sounds like you were a little vulnerable when you first met him. There are certain sorts who look for that and specialise in 'clicking' with people. Might be wise to google narcissistic mirroring, love bombing and future faking. Just incase. Though theres nothing to suggest that he has done these things from your post. But just to be on the safe side.

If you want to see more of him then theres no harm in asking btw. Personally, twice per week would be more than enough for me for at least the first year... but I need my space lol.

@Umberellatheweatha thanks for replying. It’s interesting you say that about 2 nights a week for a year.. I know everyone is different but I think I’m in the minority when I want to leap in so much. I just want it all with him I don’t want to put too much pressure on it and im ok with two nights a week. Just wish I was living with someone and was very settled. Now I’ve met him I just want it to work, I’ve been dating so long.

Within the range of normal definitely.

DH and I de-facto moved in together around 5 months in (I mean, technically he lived at his mums but not really). I've never been one to hang about, life is too short.

To get personal, do you want children OP, if yes, I guess that stresses your timeline? I'd say it's not too soon to check your life goals are aligned before making further commitments.

Someone else will be along to say they would move in with anyone for five years, normal is a big range.

@Frlrlrubert yes I worry and panic about it all the time. We both say we want those things. It just seems heavy to start setting a timeline. We get closer all the time and it feels nice. I don’t know. I have form for rushing in.

If you have form for rushing in I think it's good that you are trying to be more cautious this time. Well done! It's still early days OP.

The dating and getting to know each properly stage is a great one - once you move in together, whilst that’s also nice, the humdrum of everyday domestic life takes over somewhat. If the relationship goes well, you’ve years of that ahead of you - why do you want to rush into it and lose what you have now so quickly?

If you’d like to spend a bit more time together, tell him so - or just start asking him out or to go places more frequently. I think two nights a week is perfectly normal at this stage, but you’ll only know whether you’re on the same page by asking.

Thanks @LeafBeetle

@ComtesseDeSpair I just want to settle down I think, so it makes me feel like I want to rush it. It’s nice as it is though. I did suggest more time but he’s very busy and to be honest, two nights means we see each other 3 days a week (one of those just a quick breakfast). But it feels like enough, by the time I’m home it’s almost time to meet again.

I'd say just try and enjoy it for what it is.

You don't want to be so caught up in the idea of what things could become that you fail to enjoy what they are.

I'd give it another 6 months. Then maybe you could tentatively start talking about future plans to move in together.

Hopefully he is a good'un (and the right one for you) but this forum is full of women who got caught up in the whirlwind of the early days and rushed into things they now regret.

Slow and steady wins the race! I can tell you’re an anxious person but isn’t the ultimate goal for something steady and secure? That’s what you’ve got! Don’t let your anxiety tell you otherwise (it’s self-fulfilling prophecy to prematurely push for more commitment and destabilise the relationship in the process).

11 months here. We typically see each other four nights a week, tho it was more during lockdown as he got furloughed and de facto moved in for a while. Text lots every day, never speak on the phone. We say I love you quite often but by no means daily. We have discussed living together, marriage, trying for a baby. But we are early 40s so have no time to waste! No firm plans as such tho.

There is no normal. Yours sounds fine from the outside OP, but it more depends how it feels to you……