Long story but I really need good advice.
We were perfect, had an incredible relationship and were so happy that strangers in restaurants would come over and say we looked so in love and so perfect for eachother.
Friday night: both a little drunk. My partner said something mean to me which really upset me, I was then told "don't worry itll be fine on the morning", as if my hurt was being ignored and brushed to the side. Later when I lay in bed ready to sleep she calmly asked whats wrong? I responded with a lot of emotion and told her I won't accept how I'm being treated, its not right to be horrible to someone then tell them my feeling won't matter in the morning.. it turns out she was secretly recording me. She showed me the video and she was calmly speaking to me and I was so upset and shouting about how she can't do this to me/us. I then found out she was secretly recording me and lost it. I told her its unacceptable and does she realise what she did. I repeated myself for 2 hours as she seemingly was not getting it. I got louder and more upset the longer she 'didnt get what she did was wrong.' Eventually she called her mother who came at 4am to collect her, she left as she said she didn't feel safe as I was yelling for so long. (No threats of violence, no aggression, never laid hands on a woman in my life. Despite being physically abused myself in a previous relationship.)
Next day she pretty much is trying to break up with me. She realised she did something wrong and stayed over we talked hugged and made love.
Since this point I am walking on eggshells, I have been shouted at and "talked to" for hours about little things i say. After two hours of talking to me about how I need to think before I speak to her. She literally was the definition of hypocritical and spoke to me the way she was just telling me not to speak to her.
We made up and said we now both can empathise with eachother better. We can discuss things reasonably and are better overall for this.
This morning I woke up and hugged her, she shouted at me as it "disturbed her comfort". I got upset as I just tried to hug and walked off to get a shower. She then sat there fuming about my reaction and how could I not understand she needs her sleep for a job interview today. I apologised that I disturbed her and tried to be amicable and tell her it was a hug I was trying to comfort and love you.
I left for work, I was late.. I sent her video messages wishing her good luck and telling her I love her. She didn't reply, she then changed her social media pictures from us to her and her family.
Is this emotional abuse? I have never ever been so in love, been so compatible with someone on every single level as her. She is the same with me. I am 34, she is 21 and I thought was very mature. We always worked things out and were reasonable. This time its different. My whole family are putting pressure on me to break up with her, but they are bias as I was in a physical, emotional and financially abusive relationship before.
I need to know if it is abusive and if so
Could she see truth and stop it forever. Or is it a red flag and I should break it off before a child gets brought in or marriage occurs.
Help me please. I just started my dream job one day ago and its affecting me so badly its bleeding into my professional career. Thank you.