My FWB is jealous of my ex

[Confusedandhot]

Hi, so I’ve got a FWB, he told me very early on he’s not ready for a relationship. We speak fairly often and see each other maybe once a week.

I did really like him but once he told me he didn’t want a relationship those feelings died down. We have spoken in the past about our exes etc. Anyway he knew my last ex I was in love with and it was circumstances that caused us to end.

Recently I had some great news, my ex must of heard and sent me flowers to congratulate me. Anyway my FWB saw the flowers asked me who they were from, I told him and his mood changed. He sent me a text message to say it upsets him that I was showing off my flowers on social media, he mentioned twice how I was in love with this man. And he’s a bit disappointed.

I just said I didn’t mean to upset him but they were really beautiful and I wanted to show them off. He then said I can do whatever I want that makes me happy. We’re okay now but I don’t know if this means he’s got deeper feelings, surely if he did we would be in a relationship? He asked me a few weeks ago if I was seeing anyone else. But we strictly have been sex, nothing else. I need to talk to him but how do I approach it?

FWB is always tricky territory because one is always guaranteed to get more attached than the other!

What do you want OP? do you want a relationship with this man or are you perfectly happy with the situation you have?

I think a conversation is definitely in order because it sounds as though he's getting a little mixed up and potentially developing feelings x

I think we have crossed the line a few times. I do like him, and I would like to explore a relationship with him. I’m a bit scared to say anything in case I got the wrong end of the stick...
it is a very tricky territory!

I'd tell him very clearly I found it odd that you thought you had the right to comment on the flowers ex sent me. We are not in a relationship, we are simply FWB and so it's not appropriate for you to express an opinion. I think we need to be very clear on drawing lines. If you are developing feelings for me and want an exclusive relationship then let me know. Otherwise we're just having fun together and you don't really get an opinion on my life, ok?

@MadMadMadamMim

I'd tell him very clearly I found it odd that you thought you had the right to comment on the flowers ex sent me. We are not in a relationship, we are simply FWB and so it's not appropriate for you to express an opinion. I think we need to be very clear on drawing lines. If you are developing feelings for me and want an exclusive relationship then let me know. Otherwise we're just having fun together and you don't really get an opinion on my life, ok?

This. He's either a FWB or it's a relationship. He doesn't get to have a foot in both camps. Nip this in the bud OP, it may be a forerunner to controlling behaviour.

ahh see that’s what I was worried about. I don’t want you but I don’t want anyone else to have you behaviour.

I don’t think he wants you but I think he doesn’t like the idea of anyone else having you sorry but this sounds unhealthy

I agree with pps - I think he wants control over the social situation more than he wants you. It's more about social power than love.

If he wanted to contact you and take you out on a date he could.

This seems quite common with casual situations - by "blurring the boundaries" a bit the guys know they get more social power.

If they create ambiguity then it's more likely the status quo will be maintained and the woman won't just get fed up or find someone else to date.

They want the woman to be "at their beck and call" and the thought that she might be thinking of them just as casually/dating others freaks them out.

They want to fantasise the woman is "desperate" for a committed relationship with them and wants no-one else after one sample of golden cock. It's internally often very misogynistic.

it's MUCH harder for guys to get casual sex - finding someone who will host/they are genuinely attracted to is not easy at all!

if the woman is multiple dating and meets someone to date and they're chucked they'll have to do it all again.

But that's tough luck - if a guy doesn't want the responsibility of a relationship he's less likely to have regular physical intimacy!

I agree that this is not necessarily a sign that he wants a relationship, but just good old fashioned male sexual jealousy. I wouldn’t get your hopes up too far if in fact you want a relationship - tread carefully.