Utter mess. Pregnancy and long distance relationship

[DontWatchThat]

I just want to talk through with someone.

I'm in shock really.

I've been seeing someone for about four months. He was always upfront that he was thinking about moving abroad as he has a house elsewhere. But we liked each other and just went with it. His place isn't a million miles away so (if there was no lockdown and restrictions) it is feasible to still see each other.

He left last week. It's been tough but we speak every day. The last day I saw him I wasn't feeling well. Period was late this weekend. I'm pregnant. I don't know what to even think.

We've had a brief chat. He's busy working and said he'd call later. But that he was in shock and shaking.

I'm just sitting here in shock. We both already have kids. His are older and adults. It just wasn't on the cards obviously.

On paper god this is a mess and no way to bring a child into it. But emotionally I feel torn.

Hugs and for your shock.
It's OK just to cope with the physical effects of the shock atm.
I'm such you're more than capable of sitting down and working out options and deciding what's right for you. Though I would say a trained counsellor might be a help - I know a wonderful one if you want me to pm the details.
You're allowed to shout about the curveball life throws you.

Assuming that you are a few weeks pregnant and not a few months, you have time on your side as regards making a decision about whether or not to continue with the pregnancy.

Only you can decide, but counselling could help.

You can talk through your pregnancy options with Bpas or MSI .. they are not there to encourage you to have an abortion , they are there to help you think through what's the best choice for you moving forward .. I'm a Bpas nurse

Thank you everyone.

I didn't sleep well. We had a long chat last night. Basically he wants me to abort. He was fine and happy when I was on board but the minute I raised doubts he was trying to persuade me it was a terrible idea

I don't think he's wrong. I know what he means. But I'm not sure I can live with it. I had a horrific missed miscarriage years ago and it's bringing back all sorts of stuff.

I'll look into bpas thank you.

Sorry to hear what you're going through, I would dump him quite honestly, he doesn't want to stick by you to raise your child and he's abroad a lot, he just wants fun when he's in this country nothing serious.
Do what's best for you

I don't think he is necessarily being an arse, there are many reasons to not continue with the pregnancy, such as you hardly know him and what effect will it have on your family but ultimately, it is your decision.

You need to get the pregnancy confirmed and talk it through with a counsellor.

I think it's fine for him to express his thoughts and preferences on it but it is your decision, not his. Just expect little no no financial or emotional support from him if you go ahead.

Unfortunately, having sex risks a chance of a pregnancy more often than not, even if contraception is used, so he does have to take some responsibility (I'm assuming contraception was being used) but it's all too easy as the man to walk away.

He isn’t wrong for preferring an abortion and in a relationship of 16 weeks it shouldn’t be a surprise. I think if you decide to continue with the pregnancy, the decision should be made with the probability that you’d be doing it alone.

Thank you

No I know. I don't think he's wrong or being an arse at all. Logically he's right. He doesn't even live in the same country! I don't blame him at all and he's been really supportive through things.

I just think if it hadn't been for the missed miscarriage etc it wouldn't be so traumatic.

In an ideal world at least he would be here with me going to the appointment etc. I'm just scared.

Is there a more appropriate board for that here?! Sorry I tend to loiter on the same old boards and I didn't think pregnancy was appropriate. It'd be good to get more of an idea what's going to happen. The idea of going through it alone terrifies me

Do you have a friend or relative who could support you ?

Pregnancy choices board is great for advice.

There's a pregnancy choices board op.

Thank goodness that abortion is free and legal and you're not obliged to continue a pregnancy a few months into a relationship that already has significant challenges.

Good luck whatever you decide. Lots of us here who have aborted at various stages for various reasons and live to tell the tale and are happy with our choices. And im sure we can answer your questions too.

I'd call Marie Stopes and book an appointment once you've decided. They're very nice.

I've had a missed miscarriage and there really isn't a comparison between the emotional fall out after you lose a wanted baby versus aborting a pregnancy you don't want. Don't beat yourself up and expect to feel guilty or anything