Bad idea to write letter to ex?

[helpme057]

I’m thinking about writing a letter to my ex. We split after 6 lovely years because we drifted apart as a couple, though in many ways he was my best friend. We split about 9 months ago and we haven’t really been in contact since although I know it’d be civil. My mental health did suffer for our last year though and after some time away to reflect and some therapy, I realised I didn’t treat him how he deserved, looked to him to solve all my internal problems and I really took him for granted.

He is such a lovely guy and I’m thinking of writing a letter to let him know what I’ve realised and to apologise. I want to write a letter so that he doesn’t feel a pressure to respond if he doesn’t want to - I just want him to know and my intentions aren’t for him to respond to it.

Is this a terrible idea?

Hi OP

I think it depends on why you want to write to him.

By that I mean that if you think your ex had difficulties with your split, is in a bad place and was blaming himself, then it might be a good idea. Do you have a mutual friend you could ask how your ex is doing now? If your ex has now moved on and is happy, I don’t think writing to him is a good idea.

If the purpose of the letter would be to alleviate your own feelings of guilt at the relationship ending, then I think writing it (to get your feelings out) but NOT sending it would be the way to go.

Good luck

I think it’s wonderful and could be very healing for both of you... except if he’s in another relationship, in which case I’d leave well enough alone.

Bad idea, the relationship didn't work, even if you don't expect a response, it will put pressure on him. I think you are looking back with rose tinted glasses and while I'm sure you did have good times and that easier to than to accept the sadness of it.
Be kind to yourself, you are aware of your mh but don't blame it solely on that, not getting on and arguing is a sign that you are not compatible.

Also beware of a can of worms re opening, let's say he is forgiving and hasn't found anyone else and wants to try again, you will find all the old wounds re opening before long, end up at square one wishing you hadn't let him back in your life.

Write down how you feel but don't send it and move your feelings on to the next stage in your life.

I think it's a great idea. I've a lot of respect for people who can admit they were in the wrong.

Write it, don't send it. Make peace with yourself and give yourself permission to move on knowing that you have committed to becoming a better person.

@Blueskytoday06

Write it, don't send it. Make peace with yourself and give yourself permission to move on knowing that you have committed to becoming a better person.

This. I think you would expect some rekindled spark or response when you both know by now the rights and wrongs of your relationship.

Another write it but don’t send it.

It’s been a long time and stirring up emotions in someone who has moved on is not kind.

Bad idea. It sounds as if you're looking to be absolved, to make you feel better. That's not for him to do.

I think you could but only if you know he is still single.

My ex seemed to have a mental health issue which lead to the relationship breaking down. A lot of the behaviour was needless, hurtful and unfathomable. I often think a letter from my ex either apologising or at least explaining would help with some level of closure. Whilst I have moved on and over it, there is a part of me that will never know was it all down to mental health issue or was it just who they were and I didn't realise. So personally speaking, I would appreciate a letter such as one you are suggesting but everyone is different.

Write it but don’t send it ?Whats the point in that .It doesn’t help your ex in any way

I know this is an old thread - but I'm just wondering if you sent the letter?

And what happened?