Help me understand the change please

[cripplingheat]

I'll try not to drip feed but please bear with me ..
My partner has an eleven year old daughter.
He lives quite a distance away from her as he needed to move for work, approx 100 miles. He sought work for six months before accepting job as there was nothing suitable in his area .
He and his exw with whom he has a good and healthy relationship , revised their visitation weekends / days etc.
All was going well until
Covid arrived . She didn't want him seeing her dad due to infection risk and herseeing her maternal grandparents . He understood but it really upset him . He still drove most weekends to see her and stayed in his car to chat to heroutside car.
So restrictions lifted and daughter returned to dad eow and dad visited her on alternative weekends to do an activity or just spend some time together for an afternoon for example..
Their daughter hates the journey , it makes her sick and she hates leaving her friends which he understands . Her Mum then said it want fair on her to have to travel so he said he would travel each week to see her instead . This worked well
However, and this is my question .. her mother is now insisting that she travels to her father eow again . Their daughter hates it and is upsetting her . The Mum is insistent .
The goalposts keep changing . Help me understand this . It's causing a lot of stress all round .

Although his exw sounds reasonable and fair… the situation you have described sounds as though she had got used to having eow to herself (or with her new partner/ children if that’s applicable). It sounded like a good idea for your Dh to travel every week (to make things easier on his daughter) but then the reality of how it would impact on her own life has hit home…?

I agree with ViaRia; Mum is probably missing her downtime. Lone parenting can be tough and weekend breaks give, often, much needed relief. If exw has a new partner they are probably missing that little bit of alone time when they can do something as a couple.
I feel sorry for the child if she hates travelling and feels sick. I don't have a solution, maybe daughter could come once a month and your Dp travels to her the rest of the time. Good Luck

Thanks. It is a hard one to call. I totally understand the Mum missing downtime. I am also a single parent so am very empathetic . It seems so unstructured now and the relationship between dad and daughter is beginning to strain

Would an Air b&b or hotel for him and his DD be doable EOW? If he drove down early Saturday morning and back late Sunday night he would only need 1 night and it would mean mum could have her downtime and DD wouldn't have to travel. He would presumably save 200 miles worth of petrol not having to drive there and back twice so that could go towards the b&b and he probably wouldn't be that much worse off. I agree mum may be missing her downtime although it seems rough that it's DD who suffers by having to travel. If I was him I'd be looking around for somewhere they could stay EOW and use as a sort of base, there may well be a local Air b&b host who would welcome this sort of arrangement.

It certainly is an option but the truth is that she would much rather stay around with her friends than hang out with her dad. It is painful but understandable I guess .
The only thing I can imagine working is if he moves to that area to a hotel and is available to her when she decides or her mother decides although at the moment her mother is insistent that she spends that time with her father even when she wants to stay at home and hang out with friends . At what stage does the child decide . My own daughter never went to her dads from age 16 as she doesn't want to be in his company and was distressed at throught of it so I didn't insist naturally .

Really hard for your DP as this is basically a difference of opinion between DD and her mum then, DD wants to be at home and mum doesn't want her there/feels she should see her dad. How much discussion has there been between DP and his ex about this? Would a sit down discussion between them and DD where they can all say what they want/need and try to reach a compromise be an idea?