Is it usually women who end marriages/long-term relationships

[Earlgrey19]

So I went on a first date from OLD yesterday and the guy said “Let me guess, it was you who ended the marriage”. He said he’d been on many dates and it’s always the woman who ends a (heterosexual) marriage/long-term relationship because men like to stay comfortable and secure, and even if they have affairs they tend to want to keep their wife. It’s true I ended my marriage. Obvs he’s making a generalisation, but do you think there’s something in it or is it BS?

My SIL is a divorce lawyer, in her experience it’s about 50/50 (we’ve talked about this, in general terms).

I’d be gently cautious about a man who makes generalisation statements about women on a first date. Not a red flag, necessarily, but something to keep an eye on in case one unfurls.

I think it’s bs from reading on here. Men tend to only leave though when they have someone else to go to.

I think women are more likely than men to end it without someone else already lined up.

I’d say women are generally more likely to leave and that men are very unlikely to leave if they don’t have another woman lined up. However, a man from OLD saying that on a first date is trouble.

Second all the other comments. I was in an awful relationship for 8 years (well, went awful when I was pregnant with DD) I would have never left because I was estranged from my dad growing up and I never wanted that for DD. He eventually left me once he had "the girl he told me not to worry about" lined up.

Data from the Office for National Statistics showed women have been more likely to initiate divorce proceedings against men in England and Wales since 1949 – with some 62 per cent of divorces between men and women in 2019 requested by the wife.

It actually hit its peak at 72% (divorces requested by women) in 1994. However men filing for divorce has steadily been increasing.

In Australia 70 % divorces are initiated by the woman I believe

He ended it, I left.

I remember when I was younger, seeing a couple who were friends of my parents. The husband had gone to play golf with my dad, and the wife was chatting in our kitchen with mum.

She spoke so rudely and dismissively of her husband. She spoke of how they spent no time together at all. And when my mother questioned if she thought they would divorce, her response was to laugh and say "heavens, he can't afford to divorce me"

They had a lovely house. Pool. Brand new Range Rovers and Bentleys. And they'd lose that if they separated, as neither could maintain it individually through a divorce settlement. Her, no income for mortgage repayments. Him, would be crippled with spousal maintenance on top of mortgage, etc.

Whilst it may not be on that scale, I think more people than would be honest enough to admit, stay in something that sort of isn't good enough to stay, but isn't awful enough to leave, because of big step down in lifestyle if a separation occured.

I think loads more women would leave, if they had the income to maintain the life (that they've often given up to raise the children) without their husband.

I ended my first marriage after 31 years, no real abuse, we were both just nasty to each other in the end. Got married too young to the wrong person really, but we didn’t really argue much - too busy working and bringing up two children.

But, eventually, the kids had flown the nest, ex and I had nothing left between us, I have serious health problems, so I decided life was too short for all the crap, and I walked away from the lot. My ex took it badly, but I never relented.

I paid him off to give me a quick divorce, and I was free. Shortly afterwards, I met a man who’d also got divorced, also with health problems, after a long marriage. His ex was, as his kids agree, an emotionally abusive woman.

Anyway, we dated, fell in love, and got wed 16 years ago. We’ve both, finally, got the type of relationship we always wanted. We do both still have to grapple with health, but we’ve got a great life.

I’m glad I hung on in there, in my first marriage, to give the kids a happy, stable home to grow up in, but walking out was the best thing I ever did, although it was daunting to start with..

It's a pretty verifiable statistic. Something like 70% of divorces are female-initiated. Female same-sex couples are also more likely to divorce than male same-sex couples.

@Holowiwi

Data from the Office for National Statistics showed women have been more likely to initiate divorce proceedings against men in England and Wales since 1949 – with some 62 per cent of divorces between men and women in 2019 requested by the wife.

It actually hit its peak at 72% (divorces requested by women) in 1994. However men filing for divorce has steadily been increasing.

This is interesting!!! I wonder how representative a woman filing for divorce is that they actually ended the relationship.

For instance my sister filed because her husband cheated on her, then left her, then had got a new woman pregnant.

Clearly he ended the marriage (he left!) but she was the person who filed because he was the adulterer / unreasonable behaviour-er (and she could claim costs that way).

I would have thought that there are lots of cases where the person who files is not necessarily the person who ended the relationship and so if the data skews?

I think the statistics show that the majority of divorces (65%-70%) are initiated by women. That of course doesn’t man they CAUSED the reasons for divorce, just initiated proceedings.

Twinsntrifle
I agree. Though as you have stated some couples are living a far more modest life than the one you have shared. For many, separating/divorcing would mean moving from a standard 3 bed to rooms in a shared house or at a push a 1 bed flat each which does not accommodate dc. This is why many women (including me) are stuck in miserable marriages. This is why the wealthy do not hesitate to move on. Look at the likes of Hale Berry, Jennifer Lopez and other wealthy women who move on once they want out of their marriages. They do not have the worry of how they will re-house their dc, how they will afford divorce, how they will live from month to month.
Financial independence gives choice. So important for women to have the freedom to leave without heading for a life of poverty.

I've never been dumped by a man. What they tend to do instead is behave in an abhorrent way so that you eventually have no choice but to leave. This has happened to me several times. I don't know why they do it...maybe so they feel better and can act like they were dumped and get pity from people instead of being blamed?

He left, asked to come back. I said no and divorced him

@Rozziie

I've never been dumped by a man. What they tend to do instead is behave in an abhorrent way so that you eventually have no choice but to leave. This has happened to me several times. I don't know why they do it...maybe so they feel better and can act like they were dumped and get pity from people instead of being blamed?

I’ve absolutely experienced this too And yes I think it pays to note that just because woman initiate most divorces that doesn’t mean they are causing them Many many men cheat , are addicted to porn , prostitutes etc or abuse their wives yet would never dream of leaving Yet when the women leave men will still play the victim

@OnceUponAThread I agree. My 'D'H filed against me but it was to save face after I left him.

From talking to people IRL life I'd say it's women who initiate divorces almost every single time, with barely any exceptions. When I've asked a lawyer about it, they've suggested it a bit more mixed - perhaps that's because whilst there will be lots of cases where the woman initially leaves, the man might visit a lawyer and get their petition issued first, so on paper it looks a bit more 50/50 in who files for divorce.