Help me not be so angry?

[EShellstrop]

Abusive ex, 2 years since we split. He does the Disney dad thing - fine. Young DC has fun. Adores him, actually. But DC has complex special needs requiring daily medication, hospital appointments, surgical procedures, and most recently, received an asd diagnosis (this was not a surprise).

Ex has completely ignored all communication regarding DC's health and diagnosis. Just blank. Meanwhile, he showers DC with gifts gifts treats and fun days out, DC adores him, misses him, writes him cards and draws pictures, etc etc.

It enrages me. He doesn't deserve our child's affection. He doesn't care about our child's health in any meaningful way, he just uses the relationship to prop up his own ego. I hate him for it. I hate that my innocent, sweet child is going to be crushed by his indifference one day.

I am filled with rage over it and I'm losing sleep even. I feel myself getting flooded with adrenaline and then get jittery and can't calm down.

I need to disengage. I must. I refuse to allow this disgusting person hold any power over me. What can I do to calm myself?

Try Magnesium supplement and kickboxing.
Does anger getting worse during PMS?

@tropicalwaterdiver

Try Magnesium supplement and kickboxing. Does anger getting worse during PMS?

What an unhelpful comment. Sorry OP, no advice, but hopefully someone with experience of this will be along soon.

Lol, I have concrete reasons for being angry, but thanks for your time I guess

Remember your child needs you and anger and stress can affect our physical and mental health... is he worth all that? Distractions are a lifeline, enjoy this beautiful weather with your child, whether in the garden or parks, or preparing lovely healthy food to eat outside, watching uplifting documentaries in the evenings... whichever floats your boat. Be kind to yourself and treat yourself, redirect that anger to love of you and your child. That will be the absolute best “reaction” to him, none at all, total indifference, he’s not worth any emotions.

Just tell yourself that you are doing what actually needs to be done for your child. The disney dad act won't be enough for ever and your child will know who was there for them through thick and thin. He has to bribe your child for their affection, that's quite pathetic.