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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

No luck

1 reply

Jess9693 · 13/06/2021 21:43

Hi guys,

I don't really know where to start with this, I just need to vent.
I've had the worst luck with men over the last few years and I'm just hoping for some reassurance I guess that it'll all be okay. Just a brief summary:
When I was 21 I was in a relationship for 3 years with a man who I found out had a horrific gambling addiction because he stole a large amount of money from my family. I was single for around two years and then got with my ex. It wasn't the best of relationships from the start really and I broke up with him. I then found out that he cheated and was playing happy families with another girlfriend and her children.
I've now been single for just over a year and I'm really struggling to have any faith or trust in anyone. I've been on a few dates, most of which fizzle out after a few dates.
From October - February time I was talking to a guy. We met up just once because he lived around an hour away and both worked full time with different routines, we spoke constantly. I'd arranged to meet with him again and when I got there he didn't answer his phone and ignored my messages.
Around 2 months ago I started dating a guy, we'd had a few weekends away and would meet up a few times a week. He told me that he liked how things were going etc and could see something happening with us. One day last week he slept over, everything was fine when he left. Then he completely ignored me for the rest of the day. When I text asking if everything was ok he replied the day after, saying that he didn't want to talk anymore. That day was my birthday. I've since been blocked from all social media. I've no idea what I actually did wrong.
At this point as awful as it is I'm just questioning my worth. What is it that I'm doing wrong? Or am I just that unlucky? I suffer with anxiety too and now whenever I start speaking to someone new my anxiety gets worse because I just assume they'll hurt me or something will happen which is probably a contributing factor to things going wrong.
Does anyone have any tips on how to stop this getting to me so much?
Thank you.

OP posts:
updownroundandround · 14/06/2021 13:02

OP, I can assure you that you have done nothing 'wrong' at all !

Yes, you have had a series of 'non' relationships, which have 'fizzled out', but that's not unusual at all.

The important thing to remember is that most 'relationships' gradually develop naturally. The fact that some of yours haven't doesn't mean anything other than you were not the right 'fit' for each other, that's all.

You could perhaps look at how fast you allow potential relationships to move forward, and whether you'd feel better if things moved at a slower pace ?
e.g You don't have sex with anyone until you've been seeing them for 2 months or that you don't take anyone to your home until you've known them for 3 months etc etc. But set a scale that you are comfortable with.

You could perhaps also 'weed out' the guys just looking for a 'fling' by discussing what you want out of a relationship, and not being 'shy' or 'awkward' about asking them what they are looking for too.

You shouldn't ever feel that you can't be open and honest about what you think, what you want, what you expect and what you need.

You'll find someone like minded, who will be worthy of your love, but in the meantime, just enjoy your dates, and never be afraid of being 'clingy' or 'needy'. You do have needs ! And if they can't meet them, then ''Next please !''

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