Can I save this?

[mycatchichi]

I have been with DP for 12 years and we have two DC who are 5 and 2.

He was literally the love of my life, my best friend, amazing sex, always affectionate towards eachother, fun etc.

The last year and half I just don't feel that way anymore. All the stuff he did in the past and the way he has spoken to me before has me thinking why did I accept that? (He was married and I didn't know). He is bad with money and puts me down sometimes.

I work full time and do all the house work and cooking. He works full time but is self employed. He gets up about an hour earlier than me and sees to our 2 year old and assists with bathtime and sometimes empty's the dishwasher.

He has been amazing throughout an illness I have and he is a good person.

But I don't fancy him, not so much physically but sometime I find him lazy with home stuff but then I think he has a harder job than me and works hard with that. I just don't feel connected to him anymore.

I really want to save this relationship because I do love him and he is great with our daughters.

We don't own our house, no chance of buying due to his bad history with money. I couldn't afford to stay here on my wage alone or buy anywhere.

Any advice or stories on how you saved a relationship worth saving world be good, I feel sad we have got to this point - we have not had sex for a year and I can't see how to turn it around. I am at a loss.

I am on sertraline for anxiety and that has killed my sex drive, which doesn't help.

The only thing I would say is you can't save it.

One person can't save a relationship, but from your post you don't seem to have any feelings left for him and he appears oblivious to the fact that there are any issues.

I think your first step is to sit down and have an honest talk with him about how you both feel and whether you think the relationship is dead.

Is he older than you?

So when you first got together he lied about being single?

Yes he did lie.

And do love him and have feelings for him, just not like it was, stuff I just accepted about him before, now annoy me. They are only small things, stuff like he will sit down and watch me do jobs and not even offer to help. He will do the kids bath sometimes, but leaves the bathroom in a state. He will get annoyed if I occasionally say that I would like Sunday to spend just us and not have his mum round.

But there are good parts to him as well.

I think you are right that I need to talk to him and it takes two.

He's only a year older.

Not sure I could ever get over the big lie tbh.

The lie was such a long time ago, if hurt me for a long time but I don't really think about it now.