Does this relationship have a future?

[EchoElephant]

Last year I met someone online and we've been dating now for almost 10 months. I like him a lot, we get on well. After being single for about 5 years, it was lovely to meet someone I felt relaxed with. I've never had any doubts about how he feels about me.

However, in the last few months circumstances with work and children have changed for both of us, which means we rarely get any time together.
He was offered a promotion at work but it meant switching to nights. So he sleeps while I'm at work then goes to work when I'm free in the evening. He then has a week off but his kids stay with him during that week.
My kids go to their dad's alternative weekends only. Then, I'm child free from around 7pm on Friday til 5pm on Sunday. But those weekends coincide with his working weekends.

This means that for the last 3 months, we've been stuck with the occasional walk or drink in the pub and not much else. No opportunity for either of us to stay over and looking ahead there's no chance of weekends away or anything like that.

I think it's about a month since we've had sex. Which wasn't great because we had limited time.

I feel like he's just becoming a good friend and that I'm checking myself out of the relationship. But I can't see how it can get any better. It's going to be at least 3 years before our kids leave home.

My dilemma is do I stick it out and hope it gets better or do I end it now?

How old are his kids? Could you be introduced as a 'friend' so you get to see him as it seems your childfree times don't coincide? What is his view of the situation and relationship?

I agree - the only way to change things is if you can meet each other's kids. After 10 months that doesn't seem completely unreasonable?

We've met each others kids. But that doesn't help us have time alone together.
We both live in small houses, so the kids would have to go to their bedrooms to give all of us some space and privacy. Now the weather is better we sit in the garden.

But I can sit in the garden or go to the pub with any of my friends.

He thinks we should just be patient and in a few years, the kids will have left home. But he has a much more romantic view of the future than me.

OP is there any chance of you changing the weekend's that your children see their father? Otherwise it's going to be difficult. I'm not sure I would be happy about a future promise of things being easier once the kids are older. I want to live in the present!

@FlorencenotRatchet

Unfortunately I can't change weekends because of my ex's work. And even if I could my child free weekends would then coincide with the weekends he has his kids.

It would give us more time together but still be unable to stay overnight at either of our houses.

I want to live in the present too!!
I want to be able to go out for a meal, come back home, have mind-blowing sex all night, then wake up together in the morning
That's not going to happen for years

Do either of you get any annual leave?

He has two weeks off next month and he's taking his kids away for at least one of those weeks.
My kids will still be with me. Their dad only does alternative weekends and a couple of extra days at Christmas.

I don't have any time off until near the end of the year. It's our busiest time so very little opportunity to take time off.

Just to be clear, all our kids are teenagers. So neither of us wants a relationship that involves family days out etc.
We just want some grown up time together. We had that initially but now it seems there's little opportunity to see each other. And we're moving into the friend zone.

It is only going to work if you sit down and talk about how you will both make it work. Based only on the small information here, it is not clear if either of you are bothered enough to do that.

We have talked about it.
His view is that we should just be patient and the issues will resolve themselves in the next couple of years. In the meantime we should just be happy with any time we have together. Even if it's just having a walk for an hour.

As much as I like spending time with him, this is more like a friendship than a relationship. I feel we've lost something in the last couple of months since his job changed.

Even if you were living with him you wouldn't be able to live the sort of life you want, because he works nights and you work days. Will he be working nights for the foreseeable future?

A few people have given u suggestions which would be the normal options for anyone in your situation. It seems none of these can resolve ur issues.

It's only been 10m, it's not that much of an investment therefore I would cut my loses on the basis that logistics mean your needs aren't being met nor are likely to in the next few years.

@sunlight81

A few people have given u suggestions which would be the normal options for anyone in your situation. It seems none of these can resolve ur issues.

It's only been 10m, it's not that much of an investment therefore I would cut my loses on the basis that logistics mean your needs aren't being met nor are likely to in the next few years.

This

When he has the week off can he priortise a night with you or does he work nights and then look after his children? When is his "off time".

I think if you want to be together you will plan the time. Perhaps his job has just come around too quickly but surely you will be able to have a weekend away at some point? If he can't put anything in the diary perhaps you do have a friend only??

He works seven nights then has the next seven days off. His kids stay with him during those seven days off.

We always make sure we can see each other at least twice a week. But since his job changed our "dates" have just been walks, pub visits, coffee in the garden etc.

I'm really torn because when I see him, I want to spend more time with him. I miss being able to spend the night together. Or have a whole day together.

But in between I just wonder 'what is the point of this'.