Chance of meeting someone without OLD

[Pancakemixx]

I am 32. My relationship with my children's dad didn't work out so last year we had the talk. I dated someone for many months who I met through my neighbour. But he turned out to be a compulsive liar. A cheat. Messed up and had an addictive personality. I got rid of him Monday.

Sitting her today. I'm not in a mega rush. But I like to think eventually I will find someone again and actually enjoy their company and click. But it seems like to meet anyone these days you need to be out in nightclubs or online dating.

Has anyone got any stories of how they met someone without having to go on tinder and stuff? Or am I doomed now. I go out walking along. Take my kids out. Me and my friend are starting to think about getting out more for a drink or meal as she's also single. I do go places in the day with friends for food. Shopping etc. But I'm guessing I won't meet someone on a dog walk in the local park lol?

The thought of online dating fills me with so much dread. I'm not overly confident. I am very happy chatting etc but the thought of getting dressed up and doing all the first impressions in a bar or restaurant makes me a bag of nerves. I'd like to have seen them in some shape or form first.

Help!

Marking place as I’m in the same situation, also 32 too. I’ve got a toddler whose 2 so I wonder if that would put someone off too.

Any meet up groups in your local area? www.meetup.com/

Start a hobby, learn a language, take up a sport, join local clubs.

Of course you could meet someone whilst on a dog walk!

See I'm not a gym or sports girl. I don't drive either. So I feel my options are limited there. I'm not sure about the local meet ups I will look. The things I like doing are.

Cinema.
Walks.
Beaches.
Weekends away somewhere nice like the coast or a forest.
Animal places.
Enjoy a bottle of wine and a film night.
Evenings in the garden with food and a drink or whatever.

Do I sound abit dull?

• learn to drive
• join a walking group
• do your own supper club in your garden (lots of tips and groups online)

@Pancakemixx

See I'm not a gym or sports girl. I don't drive either. So I feel my options are limited there. I'm not sure about the local meet ups I will look. The things I like doing are.

Cinema.
Walks.
Beaches.
Weekends away somewhere nice like the coast or a forest.
Animal places.
Enjoy a bottle of wine and a film night.
Evenings in the garden with food and a drink or whatever.

Do I sound abit dull?

No you sound normal.

Sounds fine to me :)

Recon you could maybe meet someone at a beach too. Slap on the suntan and your most flattering beach wear and hit it whenever possible with a good book maybe?
Lunches in bars might turn something up too.

Though tbf, meeting anyone out with online dating is nigh on impossible.

I read other people experiences online or listen to friends and it just sounds like hard work. Everyone messaging more than one person etc. I don't think I have the energy. But to meet someone more naturally would be amazing.
I can't learn to drive at the moment as I just don't have the funds. But my son starts school next year and I hope then to start earning a little money and stuff will start to take off.
I definitely need to find something fun to do with my friend to hopefully get us out and into places to meet new faces. I'm so clueless to it all. I never expected to be alone at my age. I do get lads from school on Facebook trying it on. but again I really want to meet new people and it to be something fresh and new. Just worry I'm dreaming abit.

Id like to meet someone aged 35-44ish. Someone with similar values who also doesnt use dating apps.

@Umberellatheweatha

Good ideas. thank you. What did you mean by the last sentence? X

You won't meet anyone out eating in a restaurant - what are the chances of someone coming over ? I know someone who met her fiancé on a walking group but everyone else ( who was looking ) is by online dating myself included and they have lovely partners . You do need to make an effort if this is important in life to you . I have a friend who sits on her backside , makes no effort and then moans about not doing anything . As they say " no one will come and knock on your door ". Get out there 😀

I think in most places if you were to approach a person in public they would think you were crazy. Or would just assume you were being friendly or actually needed help with something.

Funnily enough I actually tried to strike up convo with a man in a bookshop a few months back but he didn't bite. Not to say he couldn't just have been not interested or in a relationship of course. But youd think a bookshop would be a easy place to talk to ppl because theres loads to talk about.

That's the things as well though, how to know if they are even single before approaching them (not to say they arent just lying about it online of course). Suppose you could just 'smise' at them and hope they approach you of course.

Basically I think if you want to do it out with online dating, you need to be prepared to be the person doing the approaching. And be ok with rejections.

Yes I guess you would look nuts. I suppose you can meet in pubs and things. It's definitely difficult.
It's just the thought of how many cocky players you will find online. Or you will finally like somebody and they have two others they are checking out too so you'd loose them due to that before it even works lol. It's hard isn't it.
I wonder if Facebook is an option lol.

@Pancakemixx

Yes I guess you would look nuts. I suppose you can meet in pubs and things. It's definitely difficult. It's just the thought of how many cocky players you will find online. Or you will finally like somebody and they have two others they are checking out too so you'd loose them due to that before it even works lol. It's hard isn't it. I wonder if Facebook is an option lol.

the cocky gits are out there too ...they are checking out the other women in the nightclub as well . It's really not a lot different except you can control very much how it goes.

None of the things you do sound boring , just ordinary every day stuff that most of us do , but really what you are describing is a list of things you would like to do with a partner or alone not particularly things that would bring you into contact with new potential partners , however if you having lunch with a girlfriend a single man is unlikely to come to your table and chat you up , ( personally I would consider them to be pretty rude to do this anyway ) likewise a single man isn't going to walk into your garden when you are home enjoying food and drink , ditto film night in
You need to get out and about into a group situation that has men of the right age and background so you have something to chat about and get to know them
Chose activities that have men but remember lots of other women may have the same idea
Volunteer- do something with animals, Wildlife, conservation ? Meet a rugged type
Ask girlfriends to suggest suitable single male friends ?
Part time work with lots of men involved where you could meet someone ?
Evening classes that may have men ?

There are cocky players everywhere. I actually had the best luck on tinder believe it or not. The trick is just to chat for like ten minutes to see you aren't getting serial killer vibes and then arrange a date. If they dont seem up for that or try to stall, consider them a timewaster and move on. I hear that women don't tend to reply often on tinder so if you actually want to go on dates, it's a buyers market for us.

Think of online dating as just a place to make an introduction. And treat the initial date as just a bit of fun and to get you out of the house. Chances are there will be nothing more too it so it's really not a big deal.

The last 3 I've met on there in the past year (back to back) have been lovely men and all turned out to want relationships (shown through actions not just words). I agreed one was the one for me. We did split after maybe 6 months but it was a nice 6 months and I still consider him a mate.

I'd give it a go personally. Once you practice going on a few dates you find it less nerve racking.

But id probably stick to tinder or bumble rather than paid sites as I found there were more...odditues on those.

I met someone last week in real life without old. Was stood outside a bar and we briefly spoke and exchanged numbers. I don't think it lead anywhere but it's given me faith that I don't need to use OlD

*oddities

Facebook is OLD as well though. Not everyone doing OLD is a player or a chancer, there are a lot of nice normal people as well.

What about friends of friends? If your friends know you're open to meeting people, they might set you up with someone. Tbh, I had a lot of fun OLD, but met my DP when a colleague played cupid and set us up.

Best of luck, it is not easy.

Form a number of years ago house parties may be the answer. We are still strong after nearly 40 years. It is amore relaxed atmosphere rather that Tinder and the the apps that are available are you are talking and mixing rather than one to one.

Good luck OP you managed to ditch someone unsuitable now

I haven't read the full thread yet but I feel so crap when people say it's 'nigh on impossible' to meet someone without online dating. How did people manage in the days before OLD? I don't like the idea of chosing someone based on a profile... Likewise I don't want to be chosen based on a profile! I usually meet people at work or at a hobby or through mutual friends. I'd rather meet someone naturally and let feelings develop if there are any. None of that making yourself look 'appropriate' or effort for a first date. You know then that they like you for you.

Don't give up hope OP

Before OLD was much of a thing, a friend of mine in your situation just kept asking everyone she knew if they knew anyone eligible in their wider circle of friends or amongst work colleagues. She did it in the nicest and most humorous way, not in desperation really, just that her work didn't being her into contact with many men. It worked reasonably well in that she had a few 'blind' dates out of those connections, though nothing lasting. People like to help if they can but might need to be asked about it.

Yes very true that FB is online.its kind of a more one on on experience if it's a Facebook connection if that makes sense. If someone local noticed you over being on an app where people are actively chatting to several others.
Absolutely people used to meet before all this didn't they. It's definitely a confidence thing with me. I just like being face to face. Then you know what they look like. They have seen you. Pictures can be abit misleading as we only show the best ones and it's all funny angles and filters.
I'll see how I go getting out and about abit more. I guess I can always try things online at a later date. I'm just hoping for a nice random meet.

Thanks for all the tips.

Sport. Either take it up yourself or sign your children up if you have them.

I play football, a women's team attached to a predominantly male club, of course it's teeming with men and there is a lot of social activity. I actually met my partner through my kids' sport, though.

I don't know. I joined a band. I was assured men would be falling over themselves to date a "sexy female bassist"...

It didn't work 🤣

Honestly, I don't know how you do it but hobbies and just being outside doing stuff is your best bet. Put it this way, you definitely won't meet anyone if you don't 😉