Dilemma - Love being single but want kids

[Danielletracey]

So I divorced 3 years ago and the relationship was just really bad and he treated me terribly(we married so quick it was impulsive decision - yea I know I was stupid). Now I’m finding myself single and dating loads, but everytime the relationship starts progressing (we are talking 2months when he wants to be exclusive) I find myself not really wanting to date regularly and care for someone. I don’t like the idea of moving in with someone down the line (introvert I love my own company) and scared I will be left behind again. I’m 33 and want kids and can’t really afford being single mum (I work in nursery so not really well paid job and live in London). I’m not sure if I’m just not relationship type or if my last relationship traumatised me from relationships... I never really was in long term relationship before my marriage (i had loads of friends with benefits situations hoping I find soulmate like love). I always saw myself married with kids, but I feel kind of lost and not sure what I want. Anyone any views on my situation? I just needed to get it out of my chest...

I'm the same age as you and I feel the same about dating. Although I suppose I like the idea of finding mr right, i dont ever want to live with a guy and currently, I don't want the hastle of a relationship either. I'd rather just go on the odd nice date and snog the odd hottie.

And if I dont want the hastle of caring for a man then I can imagine kids would be three times the work. So if I started wanting kids, I'd be having a hard word with myself.

They really aren't relevant atm anyway. I'm single and I have no interest in raising a child alone. Not to mention no enough time, money or willingness to give up freedoms.

Basically, shake it off!
Kids are not something everyone has to do in life. Find another goal or dream and focus on that. I'm going to travel. Funds permitting.

@Umberellatheweatha has a point there are tonnes of worthwhile things to do with your life aside from having kids if that’s where you land.

Having said that if it really is a huge thing to you, I’d recommend some counselling to delve into the weeds of your past relationship trauma with a view to overcoming it.

Either way best of luck!

Thank you both for opinion. I was questioning myself a lot about the option of staying childless but working with kids I know how much I want one of my own! Wish I didn’t - life would be much easier.

Therapy is definitely something I’m considering

There are a number of things in your OP that make me think that you need to work on yourself before you enter a new relationship .

eg, you feel the need to acknowledge to a bunch of strangers on the internet that you were "stupid" for marrying quickly. Not only was that not necessary in the context of your story, but you did what you did, you don't need to justify it.

You reference FWB situations, which in itself is no problem, but it sounds like you entered those thinking that perhaps they'd turn into more?

You haven't done anything wrong, but I think you should really think about what you want from a relationship and how you go about getting it. You're clearly strong and practical as you're not letting yourself just fall into a relationship for the sake of it, which is brilliant. But I'd agree, some therapy might be helpful? Especially if your marriage was quite bad and has left some scars.

Good luck.