Why do I get irritated?

[WhyMrsRobinson]

Dp is sleeping in a separate room as we keep each other awake. I asked him how it was, and he asked me in, then asked if I’d straighten the picture.
I don’t know why but this really grated. I think something to do with thinking we’d have a chat, but then feeling like the maid. He didn’t understand my attempts at explaining, just kept saying,’oh my GOD’ as if I was being mad. Maybe I was. I stupidly said ‘ oh my god’ in a mocking way and he told me to F off. At some point he asked if I was going downstairs, ie to get something, and I can’t remember, but I know this irritated me as well!
I know it’s not a big thing, but it feels it. Suspect I’ve overreacted. I did take him tea as a peace offering but he still ignored me when I said goodnight.
Sorry, vapid rant. Been a long lockdown.

Also we’d got on quite well today, so why, if we’re getting on, do I then start getting irritated and picking a fight?

Maybe you don't actually want to get on so you are destructive as there's underlying resentment? Usually the little things that irritate are part if a much bigger picture.

Did he manage to eat the tea while ignoring you?

In which case, no wonder you feel like the maid.

Or drink the tea, depending on area

Does he have a habit of asking you to do little things for him? Mine can be a lazy arse and I find myself irritated when he is behaving that way.

This situation alone wouldn't bother me. He's asked you the same question back, then asked you to do something minor.
this really grated. I think something to do with thinking we’d have a chat
At that point he's maybe not realised you wanted to talk more.
He didn’t understand my attempts at explaining
It depends how the explaining was done. If you kept your cool then he's overreacted. If not then he's probably responded to the tone more than the words being said.

Is there a bigger picture of there being a lack of communication? If you're always the person taking care of the other and you're not getting much back then you'll feel underappreciated.

At some point he asked if I was going downstairs, ie to get something, and I can’t remember, but I know this irritated me as well!
Again, isolated this wouldn't bother me. Me & DP do this all the time. This has happened after an unresolved argument so has probably made you feel worse.

Did he thank you when you took the tea up?
I don't like going to bed on an argument. He shouldn't have ignored you after doing something nice.

Thanks everyone for answering what seems ridiculous in the cold light of day. I think we are just together too much atm. He has been through a lot and hates his job regales me hourly with how awful it/ everyone is and threatens to resign, which stresses me out. On top of other family stresses. Running a family just seems so hard and endless and thankless atm. Sorry, moan over!

You over reacted based on the information you have given. There may be a back story you have not really told it.

Very good to hear your povs. Thank you.

Cross posted. Sounds like you have s lot on your plate sorry for your trouble. Most people would be irritable in those circumstances.

Thanks gallowayan there is a back story, you are v perceptive. I think it’s to do with he told me his dad and sis are narcissistic according to a therapist he saw for a while. I’m probably on high alert for red flags and don’t know what is ‘ normal’ behaviour for him or for me. Actually need to do some research into sons of narcissistic dads.

Hm. Didn’t think that was to do with it!

Actually need to do some research into sons of narcissistic dads.

My data samples of one... they are a bit needy, take criticism extremely poorly, work hard but always hate their jobs. They struggle with other people's fairly normal work ethic. And they value their father's opinion and values too much considering who their father is.

As I say, data set of one.

Omg do you know him?! That’s him to a tee, he works so hard, always feels he’s not working hard enough . Thanks. That’s very succinct.
He did say he’d meant it as a joke cos he thought it was funny to entice me down the corridor then ask me to straighten the picture. I suppose it could be, but I didn’t realise he was joking. He often quotes Alan partridge but without the context I don’t realise!
Ah well, sorry to trouble. Seems a bit silly now. Suspect am just tired , been a long few months. But thank you all ,

always feels he’s not working hard enough

Poor little damaged boys.

And 'jokes'. I have to say "a joke is when the other person laughs" every now and then!

Ha! You’d be right there! Poor lambs.
like your user name, I love me a bit of granny weatherwax and co. On a cold snuggly night 😀

Well if you like Granny Weatherwax you can't possibly be unreasonable about anything.