They won’t just let me move at my own pace

[Jojo88888]

Does anyone else find their close family/friends just want them to be over the relationship ending already and be this happy, bubbly person?
My DH shattered my world, cheating on me, it really knocked me for sick and I already struggled with depression and anxiety. I gained a good few stone from stress eating too. This all happened at the start of this year but I can tell people wish I just moved on already. Comments are made about me staying in all weekend when kids are with the ex, why I don’t want to go out partying, why I no longer drink lots of alcohol (I stopped this as it made my depression worse), why I can’t immediately lose all the weight I gained etc etc
I feel that I’m doing good, I’m making small steps each week and I’m happy at the pace I am going out. I am slowly starting to lose weight, I’m feeling happier, the alcohol seems to be a big one too, apparently I’m boring now without it 🤔

Does anyone else get this from their family/friends?

No but it sounds shit.

How much weight have you lost?

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale

No but it sounds shit.

How much weight have you lost?

I start to feel better about myself and then one family member in particular comes in and makes me feel like I’m right back at the start and I end of feeling really shitty about myself. Constant digs and criticism. I don’t think they know how to emphasise with people and view everything in a very black and white way.

About 10lbs

Well you sound like you are developing a good self esteem. Believe in what you said hate and see their comments for what they are, ill-informed, unhelpful and just plain wrong. Your emotions are yours!

Hate=here

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale

No but it sounds shit.

How much weight have you lost?

I am guessing about 13 stone?

I am sorry that your life has been turned upside down and inside out. I am impressed that you have started to adapt to healthy new behaviours of self care so soon.

You take as long as YOU need to soothe, heal, restore and recover. Do it at your pace for you - not to keep others from their own personal discomfort.

Do you have any friends or family who are compassionate, kind and gentle with you?

10lbs is bloody good!

I know mn always says to say did you mean to sound so rude but that can lead to a confrontation and it doesnt sound as if youre ready for that just yet.

Is avoiding this person possible?

I’d be concerned the person is trying to keep you in that limbo state of stress and anxiousness rather than actually helping you grow

Fwiw as a single mother I bloody love staying inside my hone without the DC about. It’s pure luxury to have a bath and a nap without being yelled at for various things so you’re not weird for staying home (also pandemic. Not much to do tbf.

@pog100 thank you, normally it would really set me back but I’m trying my hardest to ignore the comments

@Sssloou haha yes! it officially happened a while ago but ex dangled me for a long time. Thankfully I do have close friends that emphasise and happy to see me go at my own pace and not critique my choices.

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale not really possible to avoid and they would most definitely get irate if I said anything and try and twist it around on me. They would never see my side in all of this.

@EveningOverRooftops I have my children 70% of the time so on the times I don’t have them
I’m quite content to just chill out at home, resting up for their return and with the weight gain I don’t really want to be going out socialising, plus I’m not drinking so it seems a bit pointless. I do go to friends houses and go out for tea etc so I’m not a full on hermit ! I think they just want me to be upbeat, getting pissed with them etc

I get this from nearly my whole family. DH finally left after hanging around the house when Covud hit because of no job. But I was made to feel like I was a bad person because I wanted him to leave. And that was because he was a cheater and a liar . It would suit everybody fir me to have " forgive and forget " , not throw away my marriage and Move On. They just dont understand.
I also did the emotional eating and gained almost a stone. Losing 10lb is brilliant ! You should be proud.
Not very supportive friends if they dont realise that forcing you beyond your own pace only upsets you more. Suppose telling them to Bugger Off is out of the question?