Breastfeeding and dh feeling 'left out'

[Eachpeachpears]

DH and I have been married 5 years, 2dc ages 2.5yrs and 5 months.

Last night we had an almighty upset because dh keeps bringing up sex, saying he feels unwanted and left out.

I am breastfeeding dc2, and feel very touched out at times. I have no desire for sex at all right now. DC is in our room so location is an issue but mostly the massive long list of things I have to prioritise at the moment. DD will only settle for me. I love feeding her and will not stop because dh wants to touch me instead. I then want time with DS when DD is happy on her play mat or asleep etc. Then there is managing Ds behaviour at nursery which has been challenging recently, figuring out reducing nap times because DS gets up at 5.30 every day. DH moaned about that so I had to sort and introduce a gro clock.
Throw in the washing, meal planning, shopping, cleaning, changing bed sheets, bathing, etc I barely have time for a wee!! Plus there is planning activities for DS to keep him entertained and trying to get DD to sleep in her cot, as well as maintaining relationships with family etc.
I'm burnt out. I'm trying my best but I feel the least bit sexy.

DH has a bad knee which gets bad every 6 weeks or so. He will not look after it when it's bad because he 'gets bored' and it apparently doesn't help anyway. it means he can't get down on the floor with DC and change nappies etc.

Last night, after him asking if I still love him because he doesn't feel it, lack of affection is getting to him, I told him I'm unhappy and wonder if I would be better off alone with DC. He told me he refuses to believe that and I just need more support from him, which is true. But it doesn't take away the way he's put pressure on re being close.

I really don't know what to do. I feel really unhappy and like we are only still together because of how we used to be. But DH refuses to acknowledge that splitting is on the horizon. His attitude and negativity is overwhelming in the house.

What do I do? I don't even know what I want from this really. Do I just stick it out? I wonder if it's because the kids are at challenging ages

Tell him he needs to take some of the jobs off you, then you might have more time for him.
He can sort DS's sleep/get up with him at 5.30am.
He can do changing bedding, meal planning and food shopping and cooking.
He can change nappies on a table.

he sounds like he's being a bit of a knob. Point this out to him.

Tell him he's being bloody selfish! Whining when you're breastfeeding and doing everything else. What's the point of him??

When I was breastfeeding my baby, DH and I didn't have sex till he was nearly 5 months old. He didn't pressure or complain. He knew ds was basically on my chest all day.

How much affection do you give each other?

Don't prioritise your wider family, cleaning, bed changing etc over your marriage. Explain about the touched out thing, and work together to build closeness in other ways instead of straight to sex (chatting, cuddling). Divide up the jobs, but avoid bargaining (you do X and I'll have energy for sex). Nappies on table/washing machine. I have been you and actually I feel a bit frightened how close I came to losing my marriage because my priority list was in the wrong order. Your DHs is too so its not just you. You both need to play the long game but try and build some closeness in ASAP.

I agree with @Dahlia444

I agree with @Dahlia444 as well. A marriage has to be nurtured so some things can be let go temporarily.