husband moved out this week- handhold please

[MadgeMidgerson]

i have posted before about this. we have grown apart over the last 10 years, no sex or kissing in all that time at all, we have barely spoken in the last 6months except about the kids, he wasn’t working or looking for work until i insisted and now he only contributes to groceries, i pay everything else, and do all house stuff/organize the kids. he will happily get home from work now and sit and watch me do everything.

i am in my 40s so it’s not like i will ever find another partner - why does it bother me then that we are only flat mates? it’s not like i am leaving to be with a lover. it will just be more life alone.

when i write it all out it sounds like i am making a good choice in separating but i can’t help but feel i should try harder to live with it, for the sake of everyone.

happiness is stupid reason to do anything isn’t it?

i wish i were a man, they seem to have no qualms about putting themselves first, and not doing anything that is counter to their own best interests.

why is this so hard? if i were doing the right thing, wouldn’t i feel great doing it?

can anyone help?

Please I beg of you. Stop having a downer on yourself. You are very important and you deserve to live a happier life. Never expect so little for yourself.
Your children will thank you when you find yourself less burdened and finding enjoyment with normal things like feeling free at your own house.
Do not feel like you are done. You may only be half way there in life.

Wtf is this . You paid for his deposit and rent? Why couldn't he do this with his 1500 extra. Are you his mom? Did you go there and clean too? Wtf he is a leech. If you don't care that you are being taken advantage of, at least get a cocklodger. Find a good one, you get sex and sometimes they do the house work too.

He sounds absolutely despicable. Stop supporting him please, that's money that you can save for your children, you know, like he told you to.

What on earth are you thinking OP? He's not your responsibility.

i paid the deposit and first months rent on his new flat, i am going to have to buy him furniture too i expect, if nothing else beds for the kids, he won’t be able to otherwise. why am i so petty that i resent this?

But he has £1500 left once he’s paid for groceries? Why on earth do you have to pay for a flat deposit/furniture? I don’t get it?

Don't be a sucker OP, you don't have to furnish his flat. There are lots of places to buy furniture - kids beds are very cheap- and there is freecycle, Gumtree etc. He doesnt have to have brand new.

You have to stop letting him take advantage of you, work out what you owe him for child support if he is going to have 50:50 care and stick with that.

he says the money all goes on us, the family but he pays for nothing. i have no idea, he has always been v opaque with money, even when we earned the same - got us into £50k credit card debt once.

if it means my kids don’t have to sleep on a floor, i’ll buy them beds.

Oh God op, do your real life friends or family know what's going on. You're being taken for a ride. Don't buy the beds! They can start having overnights when HE buys the beds.

Christ on a bike, I can't believe what I'm reading here.

In the nicest possible way, cop on!!

This is the way I see it with men like this who do not contribute to a marriage. One day your children will leave home and you will still be stuck with someone you do not like who still takes and dives nothing back and then it will be too late for you to have had a decent life.

You are behaving irrationally because is an abuser. You need to toughen up OP

Fucking hell, you're lucky he left willingly.
He sounds fucking useless.
I'd rather be single forever than live with a loser like him.

You need to get a solicitor sorted ASAP. If things haven’t been great for years, crack on. Don’t support him financially in this. The stingey bastard only paid for grocery, he’ll be sitting pretty on his cash which you need for your dc.
The kids can’t stay overnight until HE buys them beds.
I can’t believe you’ve been with this loser so long.

My dad remarried in his 40s. Me too.

When my dad died in his 70’s my lovely step-mum was coupled back up within a year.

There's no age limit on being part of a happy couple..