Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is it me?

14 replies

Everdene76 · 12/06/2021 11:48

Hi, I have never posted here before but I need to talk to someone and I have no one around me.
My partner and I moved in together almost a year ago. When we met I had 4 children (now aged 22,17,15 & 11) and my dad (77) living with us as we’d just lost my mum to cancer.
He wanted us to buy a house together knowing what my responsibilities were. My dad gave us the £30000 deposit to buy the house and we found a a beautiful big house and all moved in together.
Since then everything will be going along fine until he has what I can only describe as an outburst where he is kicking off at me telling me how I don’t compromise on anything and that the compromise is all his by him living with all of us. He is telling me that my eldest daughter who is now 22 needs to move out as does my dad and he even wants me to get rid of the family pets (one is an elderly dog called Ellie who belonged to my mum, who he wants to have put to sleep, so you can imagine the feelings there). He says it’s unreasonable of me when I say these are things I can’t compromise on! He knew what our situation was when we moved in together.
He also walks around saying he’s supporting everyone just for us to take the piss. He makes me feel so small, he pays the mortgage, I pay all of the bills (which equate to the same as the mortgage, even though he earns 4 times what i do) and my dad buys all of the groceries.
He is so adamant that this is me and he’s the one who puts in all of the effort but surely it isn’t just me who thinks he’s being unreasonable? This is my family we’re talking about. 😞

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 12/06/2021 11:54

He's a cunt. Can you buy him out? Please tell me your dad ringfenced the deposit money?

Everdene76 · 12/06/2021 12:32

@pinkyredrose it is ring fenced yes.
I’m just sat here gobsmacked at the one he’s just come up with. My previous partner and father of youngest children died 5 years ago, aged 49. Every anniversary we raise a glass to Andy/daddy in his memory. He has had a go at me today about that. Saying it’s wrong, it’s been 5 years, blah blah…

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 12/06/2021 12:39

I really hope you've protected yourself financially from this complete bastard and that you leave him as soon as possible.

Daleksatemyshed · 12/06/2021 12:42

This is not a good man Op, do yourself a favour and get rid. Why should your DD or Dad leave, it's their home, your Dad paid the deposit, you love the dog, the only person not happy is him. Pack his bags for him and get on with your life

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 12/06/2021 13:03

He is the one that needs to go sorry. Utterly despicable to suggest throwing your dad and daughter out and killing your dog. And your poor kids suggesting they are not even allowed to remember their dad on the anniversary of his death. Find a way out this will only get worse.

Everdene76 · 12/06/2021 13:22

I think sometimes you just need to hear it? I know if this were one of my friends or my sister and they were telling me some of the things he says and does I’d be screaming at them to leave!

OP posts:
Peace43 · 12/06/2021 13:43

If he’s not happy he knows where the door is….

Bananalanacake · 12/06/2021 13:49

He can't tell you to get rid of your pets. Does he have a legal claim on your property.

Aprilx · 12/06/2021 14:17

Whose name are the house deeds in?

JamieLeeBee · 12/06/2021 14:21

[quote Everdene76]@pinkyredrose it is ring fenced yes.
I’m just sat here gobsmacked at the one he’s just come up with. My previous partner and father of youngest children died 5 years ago, aged 49. Every anniversary we raise a glass to Andy/daddy in his memory. He has had a go at me today about that. Saying it’s wrong, it’s been 5 years, blah blah…[/quote]
I think it is DISGUSTING he would say that it is wrong. I'd be very hurt to hear that and I really hope the kids didn't hear him say it. (not having a go at you by the way, I'm sure it isn't easy on the anniversary as it is without him having a go)

Daleksatemyshed · 12/06/2021 14:36

Sorry to post again but he's getting worse by the minute! He thinks your DC shouldn't remember their DF on his anniversary? I'm not usually so hardcore but this guy is a total,total twat. Everything is about him, what he wants, he wants to be considered first, how dare your family be in his way, how could your DC miss their DF when they have him....make my day, I'll come round with some binbags @Everdene76 and help you pack up his stuff Grin

Everdene76 · 12/06/2021 15:57

No @Daleksatemyshed I wanted peoples honest opinion. It all sounds so real and really bad when you say/type it out loud for others to hear. I have really been questioning myself and tying myself in knots but i haven’t done anything wrong.

OP posts:
Daleksatemyshed · 12/06/2021 16:22

No, you haven't done anything wrong, you've given the benefit of the doubt to someone who doesn't really deserve it. It's very sad but he's taken advantage of your good nature and now he's showing you his true colours, someone who wants it all his own way. It's easy for me to say chuck him out but this is your life, can you see a happy future or are your eyes open now to his shortcomings? So many good women on MN who don't see the truth until they put it into words. I'll keep the binbsgs just in case....

punkylaroux · 13/06/2021 21:39

You need to do the following, and do it sooner rather than later. Get some legal advice re: the house, take your children, dog and dad and get out of there. This is not for you and he is not a good man.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page