Need a vent

[DaisyDukes2]

Just need to get this off my chest. Got my 2nd jag on Wednesday and hit by awful fatigue yesterday (Friday). Managed to scrape myself out of bed and drove 2/3 kids to school(normally a 10min walk). Back home and into bed - slept for 4 hours only to be woken by DC1 age 11 (her class are isolating) wanting to know when we we going to check on something for her birthday party. At about 2 I went to hang out some washing needed for DS's bed last night and I got a 5 min rant from DH (WFH) about work stuff and he got all huffy when I stopped him so I could hang out washing and lie back down. He never came near me all day to see how I was, offer a cup of tea, nothing. The only things he said to me was to ask if I'd fixed the stairgate yet and then later to say he'd pick the other 2 kids up if I made dinner. I've come downstairs cause the heat has woken me up and the kitchen is like a bombsite, he couldn't be bothered to tidy up after dinner. So guess who's going to have to do that today. I'm feeling so uncared for.

He's WFH. I'm sure he wouldn't talk to his work colleagues like that so why on earth does he think he can get away with it at home.

I have no idea. I spend so much time listening to how he has built up a great team at work despite the challenges of WFH, how the all look out for eachother and feel empowered to do do their jobs well, how they all really love their jobs and how it's down to how good he is at reading people and understanding them and yet he can't seem to take on board things that I tell him directly.

Shocking, sounds like he has his head in the clouds.

His team are all getting around each other which is great, but it shouldn't be at the expense of his wife and kids. If i play devils advocate and give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe you can nudge him to step back and look at the big picture. He's not in the office, the kids and you shouldn't be an inconvenience to him.

Which may be far nicer than he deserves but it's an idea...

However he certainly should be cleaning his shit up, and the house! Since he has moved his work life into the living space

We certainly do need to have a proper conversation. I know this is a difficult time for everyone but I really don't feel like I'm asking for much. Like many women I've fallen into the SAHM role - which was one thing while I was a SAHM. But I'm not anymore and things don't seem to have changed. I keep feeling like things are coming to a head but then I back down. I'm tired in so many ways.

Get dressed, leave a note to say you've gone out and he needs to clean up the kitchen. Go and do whatever you want today and come home when you're good and ready - it sounds like you need some 'you time' and it won't be offered on a plate to you. Have a conversation with your DH when you come back and outline what you want from him, and dare I say it, get the kids involved with helping to clear up!

The cleaning and chores are one thing... but I’d also be concerned by the lack of caring. Even the smallest gestures, like making tea, reveal how much you mean to a person - even in the midst of muck and mire.

Yup that's what hurt the most.