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Original poster

Please help me get over this total loser

29 replies

Daftat40 · 12/06/2021 01:34

I will try and be short.

I met a guy at work 3 years ago, we hit it off but were both in other relationships. Fast forward to Jan this year, we were both single, we got together, it was a bit mad and he dumped me for an on/off relationship.

Early may he returned, all over with the on /off rel. We got closer, had a fling, talked for 6 hrs a day on the phone, all seemed great until last week the on /off returned and he dumped me for her last Fri. Saturday he changed his mind and apparently told her he wanted a final end. (don't believe it) He called me every 5 min through the night, when i eventually answered at 8am he sobbed, he did so all day, called me 25 times, sobbing and apologising. We met, he was all over the place but things were tender.

2 days later he asked if we could just be friends because he should be single. I blocked him.

In the interim, i had mentioned a place I love and he said to keep the weekend free, we were going somewhere special.

So last weekend he went to the special place... With the other woman. I wish i wasn't feeling hurt but i am. Even tho she doesn't know he had booked it to take me, but clearly preferred her.

Meh.

I'm just confused how we can go to nothing from such closeness. He said he had never known any connection like ours. I accept he wants her more, but it seems like i just disappeared from his life, like i mean nothing.

Argh.

Some other background... He used to be very different. But now he's a liar, he tells lies about absolutely everything, little things. And he drinks alcohol in the mornings. He has been banned from driving, i don't know the details. Also he's bankrupt and living with his dad (but he told me he has 100k in the bank).

I'm having surgery next week and he is not bothered whatsoever. Plus he told me private details about his gf. I just want to get over this connection help!!

OP posts:
Ijustknowitstimetogo · 12/06/2021 01:43

(IMO) he has very serious mental health issues including emotional instability. Stay well clear.
I repeat stay well clear.
Take care of yourself! x

Mooda · 12/06/2021 01:47

Hopefully writing all that down will help you to see what a toxic situation this is and that you are well out of it. Try and treat the latest development as an opportunity to break free and leave this destructive person behind. Good luck.

Aquamarine1029 · 12/06/2021 01:54

He's a fucking lunatic. You should be dancing in the streets with joy to finally be rid of this fuckwit.

Have a good long think about why you would be attracted to such a world class loser. It's baffling, honestly.

GertietheGherkin · 12/06/2021 01:55

OP read again what you've written... When someone is showing you who they are, believe them.

Do you really want all that mind mulching crap in your life? Do you want the tit causing all that crap in your life?

You have more pressing surgery and such to focus on, let that be your priority. I hope it all goes well.

If this useless tit starts sniffing around again with his on'ing and off'ing... You tell him to do the off'ing with a fuck in front of it!

unwuthering · 12/06/2021 02:03

Oh, it's sad and painful. He's stirred up feelings in you - but none of it is real. What is real and actual is the messed up stuff you've listed. He lies, drinks in the mornings, lives with dad, is bankrupt, is fickle as fuck, and doesn't care about your upcoming surgery. I'm sure he's madly attractive to you, but he is so messed up he has no centre. Not. Good. For. You. At. All.

Original poster
Daftat40 · 12/06/2021 02:03

@Ijustknowitstimetogo

(IMO) he has very serious mental health issues including emotional instability. Stay well clear. I repeat stay well clear. Take care of yourself! x
Thank you so much, of course i do realise you're right. I hope he's okay but i need to stay away x
OP posts:
Original poster
Daftat40 · 12/06/2021 02:04

@Mooda

Hopefully writing all that down will help you to see what a toxic situation this is and that you are well out of it. Try and treat the latest development as an opportunity to break free and leave this destructive person behind. Good luck.
Thank you. Yes, i know you're right. It's over now, i will move on
OP posts:
Original poster
Daftat40 · 12/06/2021 02:07

@Aquamarine1029

He's a fucking lunatic. You should be dancing in the streets with joy to finally be rid of this fuckwit.

Have a good long think about why you would be attracted to such a world class loser. It's baffling, honestly.

Thank you. He is, and on more than one occasion i have wondered if i need to be scared of him. But i worked with him for a while and i guess people are different at work. I'm attracted to his work side, he's my senior, he knows more than i do. But that's it, and it's over. Thank you so much
OP posts:
Original poster
Daftat40 · 12/06/2021 02:09

@GertietheGherkin

OP read again what you've written... When someone is showing you who they are, believe them.

Do you really want all that mind mulching crap in your life? Do you want the tit causing all that crap in your life?

You have more pressing surgery and such to focus on, let that be your priority. I hope it all goes well.

If this useless tit starts sniffing around again with his on'ing and off'ing... You tell him to do the off'ing with a fuck in front of it!

Thank you so much. Yes i will focus on my surgery. He's had his chance, he's not the slightest bit bothered about my surgery, there's no way i can let him come back later on. He can stay 'off'
OP posts:
Frownette · 12/06/2021 02:10

You don't need the chaos of his mind Confused

Plesse spend time with people who love you instead, you will move on, best wishes

Original poster
Daftat40 · 12/06/2021 02:11

@unwuthering

Oh, it's sad and painful. He's stirred up feelings in you - but none of it is real. What is real and actual is the messed up stuff you've listed. He lies, drinks in the mornings, lives with dad, is bankrupt, is fickle as fuck, and doesn't care about your upcoming surgery. I'm sure he's madly attractive to you, but he is so messed up he has no centre. Not. Good. For. You. At. All.
Thank you so much. You're right, absolutely right. It's hard because when we worked together he wasn't like this, but now he is, i have to take the truth he's showing me! Thank you, really helpful post
OP posts:
Original poster
Daftat40 · 12/06/2021 02:25

@Frownette

You don't need the chaos of his mind Confused

Plesse spend time with people who love you instead, you will move on, best wishes

Thank you so much, you're right!
OP posts:
TenShortStories · 12/06/2021 02:37

This is you're lucky break because it sounds like you would perhaps have stuck with him given half the chance.

Picture yourself 5-10 years down road with his constant crap, craziness and drinking. Really imagine it, how bloody exhausted and fed up you'd feel. The massive waste of your time. Let it horrify you.

Thankfully none of that has to happen because he was so flaky he couldn't even figure out what he wanted. You actually win (massively) by him not picking you. Flowers

Topseyt · 12/06/2021 02:44

He is chaotic and unreliable. He is a compulsive liar and it sounds like he is also very possibly an alcoholic to boot.

I'd say that you have had a lucky escape really. Why on earth would you want to be with someone like that?

FlowerArranger · 12/06/2021 03:04

Glad to hear you are finally rid of him.
But you need to spend some time getting to tell bottom of WHY you let this lowlife treat you so abominably.
Two books you may find useful:

  • Women who love too much
  • The six pillars of self-esteem.
Bottom line: you are worth more than this!
Rainbowqueeen · 12/06/2021 03:15

Make sure you’ve deleted as well as blocked. On every single platform where he could get in touch with you.
Make a list of things that you enjoy and that are good for you
Every time he comes into your mind say firmly “ I deserve better than that headfuck” and go do something that makes you feel great
Expect good days and bad days. But keep at it. Things will get better.

Rmka · 12/06/2021 05:32

He doesn't deserve you (or the other woman for that matter). You need time to recover, but once you do, you'll feel so happy to be rid of him. Be kind to yourself, try doing at least one fun thing a day, it can be small. That helped me through my break ups. You'll learn to smile again soon.

This didn't work for me, but one of my friends after each break up wanted to meet me and laugh at the guy. It's not immediately after the break up, but she says it helped her a lot. I, on the other hand, just want to forget.

Wishing you lots of love Flowers

Cherries590 · 12/06/2021 06:30

He’s a ghastly little man, pure toxicity. Stay well away. It’s not ‘him’ that you’re struggling to get over, it’s the hopes and wants you projected onto him. These men can be very charismatic, but they are a void of nothing who will leach you of everything and leave you broken. I know this type. I have come out the other side and I’m stronger and so much wiser. You’re in the foothills of this potentially catastrophic life-changing event. Move on NOW. There’s nothing good for you here.

Cherries590 · 12/06/2021 06:38

He’ll be back, by the way. I don’t know if you still work with him, but if you do seriously consider changing jobs. And you say he used to be different, you’re wrong, he hasn’t changed, he has always been like this. What you thought he was is the bluff. Be strong and good luck

Blueskytoday06 · 12/06/2021 06:41

Do not even let him back in your life. Sorry to say but he's used you. Don't let him do it anymore.

SleepyPartyTime · 12/06/2021 06:43

@Ijustknowitstimetogo

(IMO) he has very serious mental health issues including emotional instability. Stay well clear. I repeat stay well clear. Take care of yourself! x
Basically this. He's either mentally ill or he's deliberately enjoying toying with you like this. Either way you need to steer very well clear. Keep him blocked and throw yourself a little party to celebrate your lucky escape.
LolitaIsNotRomantic · 12/06/2021 10:04

He's an immature loser. Maybe one day he'll grow a spine and a conscience but right now he has neither.
It's a blessing in disguise. And that 'connection' was just manipulation- sorry.

Royalbloo · 12/06/2021 10:07

Is he called Aaron by any chance?

DotsandCo · 12/06/2021 10:13

Oh dear lord! Why on earth do you think 'he didn't used to be like this'? You're deluding yourself OP...seriously, you are.
He's always been like this, you just didn't see it.

People don't change. The only thing that's changed is that you're now less tolerant of it, or his mask is slipping more often...he's always been a dick (at the very least!!). At worst...he's very unstable and you need to run for the hills and not look back!

Mellonsprite · 12/06/2021 10:21

Tell yourself well done You’ve dodged this bullet now!
Tell him to never contact you again, and block him on everything.
If he’s drinking in the mornings then it’s quite likely he will be sacked very soon and the work situation will sort itself out too.

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