Have had enough. Or am I in the wrong?

[Deedee121]

DH went into the office today. He has been stressing about a work project so I told him to stay as late as he needed.

At 7pm I messaged him and said if he was on the train I'd pick him up but if not I was having a glass of Prosecco. He said go ahead. Got stuck into cleaning etc and before I knew it, it was 9pm and DH said his train was due in at 9.30pm. So I said I'll pick you up.

Picked him up and on the way back home he asked if I'd left the dogs food for tomorrow. Puppy is due to a boarding kennel for an introductory night tomorrow. He gets food delivered every 6 weeks and it ran out today. Last time they delivered on a Friday but they didn't today so he will be without this food tomorrow.

Previously during the week DH mentioned that he didn't know if we had enough food. The food is kept in the freezer and DH insists on taking them out one at a time to defrost for the next day. As one pack was there this morning I assumed there was enough left for tomorrow.

I said this to DH and he exploded saying I had to find an alternative food for tomorrow (I already had a perfectly fine alternative).

I'm just sick of his outbursts. He said I was blaming him and I wasn't. He makes such a big deal over stupid things. He has diagnosed ADHD and won't get treatment for the anger. I'm so fed up

And? What are you going to do about it? What binds you to him. His angry outbursts over nothing are unacceptable. He refuses to do anything about them. End of relationship, isn't it?

I suppose the fact we have 2 kids and my job isn't secure. I'm just so sick of the outbursts

I’d give him an ultimatum to either get help or you’re gone. I’ve had to do this with my husband this week who has also been having angry outbursts. I’ve never asked him to leave the home before and it did work...you’re definitely not in the wrong!

Tell him you need to have a serious talk with him about his outbursts and how it’s affecting relationship. Give him some notice so he gets time to to think about it.

Tell him how it make you feel and ask him what he’s going to do about it. He’s obviously stressed and this may be the cause but that’s not fair- he needs to sort out the issue rather than taking it out in you.

I’d went through all this with dh, I knew his outbursts were caused by a very shit childhood but I’d had enough of me being the brunt of his outbursts. I told him he either went and got therapy or we were separating. I really meant it.

Should add, my ultimatum worked too.

If he wants to change he will go and get help.

#Josie0900 - sorry you are going through it too.

I did give him an ultimatum about 3 yrs ago and we did split up temporarily. He promised to seek help but he does do things temporarily and then reverts back

LizzieSiddal - I have given the ultimatum before and he says he will seek help. But he genuinely thinks I'm to blame this evening and is now making remarks about me acting like a teenager and sulking because I told him I didn't want to talk to him

Any outburst by a reasonable person who is genuinely stressed and at the end of their rope should be quickly followed by an apology.

We all have hard times and take it out on those closest to us but enduring crap like this is not on.

What would he do if you left for a period of time?

@Deedee121 I’m sorry to here you’ve been through this before with him. Obviously I don’t know if mine has worked long term yet! The thing that seemed to really get through to my husband was I told him I’d you don’t get a handle on this it’s going to get worse and your daughter is going to become more aware and see how you speak to me / even worse you might end up doing it to her. I think unless he gets help he’s always going to revert back as the underlying problem won’t be fixed