My DM has zero interest in me or my life.

[VeganFishFingers]

Today I’ve had a terrible day at work. Something happened that has left me feeling so shit about myself and has left my confidence in tatters, I called at my parents on the way home and told DM what had happened and how it has left me feeling really down, her response was to tell me to ‘forget about it’. Without going into detail it’s something pretty hard to just forget about. She then starts prattling on about something else entirely, so I mention it again and she tells me to ‘stop going on about it’ then proceeds to waffle on about how stressful her day had been! FFS sake she no longer works and is retired!!!

This isn’t the first time it’s happened, and on reflection she’s never asked how I am, how my days been or how I’m feeling. Ever in my life. She lacks empathy towards other people in general, and can be horribly unkind about others (behind their backs). She will ask how other people are, but it’s very superficial and because she’ thinks she should. She is only interested in herself and her own thoughts, feelings and needs. She will often tell me what she thinks I should do, but gets offended if I do the same to her.

I don’t know what advice I’m looking for, but it hurts to realise how useless she is. Does anyone else have a mother like this and can they offer tips for handling her?

Hi OP, my mother has always been the same as yours. I have learned over the years to expect very little from her. She is never going to change. I stopped sharing my life with her and I suspect that she never even noticed.
I learned to nurture meaningful mutually supportive friendships and this helped me a lot.
I hope work is kinder to you tomorrow.

It’s annoying isn’t it.
I’ve stopped sharing anything about myself or my kids with both parents.
Neither ever ask anything about my kids or me.
It’s all of the trivial crap that dominates their lives.

So I smile and nod. That’s it.

Your mother is a narcissist, and there is no handling her. I'm sorry she isn't the mother you need, but it would be healthy for you to acknowledge that this is who she is and there is absolutely no changing it. She simply isn't capable of caring about other people.

I hope you're not my sister, because your mum sounds a LOT like mine. If you are my sister (or even if you're not, tbh), I hope you can sit and calm down, and take care of yourself, and try to process the unsettling thing that happened.

Tips for handling her? None really, her behaviour will always be a bit upsetting, but all you can do is surround yourself with good people to support you, and swear blind that you'll be a better mum to your own kids.

A few years ago I had a breast cancer scare and can honestly I say I had more support from work colleagues I’d only known a few months than from her. She was constantly dismissive and kept telling me I was being ridiculous and it was unlikely to be cancer at my age, Yeah unlikely but not impossible and it really didn’t help at all. But if she has so much as a cold I hear nothing else..

Yep, completely understand. I dont know why I even bother but I still tell her things sometimes only to be even more upset when she's not interested and turns the convo back to herself. Sorry for your bad news, sometimes writing it all out can help, sort of getting it out of your system. Ive always felt bad burdening anyone with anything and I know its because my mum always cut me off if I had anything negative to say. xx