Is my Aunt rude?

[Thisisthepoint]

DAunt is 83 years old and fit and healthy, still with it but slowing down as you would expect at that age. In the last few years she has said a few things that have really annoyed me, but I’m not a person who is easily annoyed either so I don’t know if I’m reading too much into this. For example:

My DF (her brother) and I are no longer in contact with each other due to his manipulative DW, and it’s been 12 years now. A couple of attempts have been made to mend the rift between us but I’ve made my peace with it that I’ve lost him. I don’t discuss this situation with any family members at all. My DAunt, unknown to me at the time, wrote him a letter when my DS was born 6 years ago telling him that the cause of this rift was due to my parents custody arrangements when they separated when I was 6, and that he must apologise to me for this or he will never see his grandchild. This is complete and utter rubbish- I have no issues with my parents custody arrangements (50:50) and have certainly never discussed these with her or anyone because they are a non-issue. It is also absolutely nothing to do with this rift. The first I heard of this was when my DF emailed a scanned copy of the letter to me with a furious message. I replied to him to ignore her letter, it was a complete fabrication etc but never heard back. DAunt would have been about 77 when she wrote it and more astute than she is now so she can’t blame her lack of judgement and interference on being old and dottery. I have never told her that I know what she did. The irony is that she is NC with her two sisters for years and would not appreciate anyone interfering.

Other things that have annoyed me are:

• driving 5 hours to visit her and her DD for 2 nights (we stayed in hotel) and after dinner in the restaurant her DD (my cousin) said let’s meet for dinner tomorrow. DAunt turns to me and said quietly “can’t you come without them,” gesturing to DH & DS (about 16 months at the time).

• both stayed with us for 3 nights and after dinner on the first night DAunt said “tomorrow for dinner we’d like something nice like salmon fillet.” I’d served up a buffet of two quiches, various salads, condiments, pickles, French bread, Vege pate etc plus apple crumble and custard for dessert.

They are Pescatarian. For reference meals given at their house are always plain salad and prawns, jacket spud and beans, mashed potato blended with cheese and grilled. The irony was that the following night I was going to serve up salmon, but I would never tell a host what I wanted for dinner!

• looked around my house when we first bought it and said “do you like living here?,” but with a disdainful look on her face.

Does anyone else think she’s a bit off? Sorry that was long.

Why are you so bothered?

She attempted to interfere in a relationship which already has no value to you.

She suggested you might like to spend one evening with just her and your cousin. Perhaps there was something the two of them wanted to say without your husband around. Whatever, it's hardly the crime of the century.

And she was tactless about a meal you prepared. Again, why not let her know you were annoyed at the time, and then just shrug it off. Aunts are human, like everyone else - she's not obliged to be perfect on every occasion.

Unless you are very emotionally or otherwise dependent on her - living in the same house, say, I don't see why you're hoarding up all these wrongs. The things you've related have absolutely no effect on your life.

Even if 100 people agree that your aunt was rude - what on Earth will you do with that Information?

@MayIDestroyYou it clearly sounds like the OP’s situation with her DF is far from actually being at peace with it. Also just because you can say you are at peace with a situation doesn’t necessarily mean it doesn’t cause you underlying hurt and distress at times. Plus who thinks they have the right to interfere in other people’s private business and tell a made up story? It has probably made a sorry situation a lot worse than it needed to be. I know I’d be furious if someone told lies in my name.

The aunt is tactless and it sometimes hurts when people are tactless- pretty much most of the threads on MN involves someone doing or saying something that has caused offence or distress. Based on what other people opinions are on here they might decide a course of action such as talking to or confronting someone, or even going LC/NC etc. Your username is certainly apt and your response unnecessarily gruff.

OP - you don’t seem to have made peace if this is bothering you with the situation with your DF. Only you know if you wish to speak to your aunt about it or let it lie. Do you feel you could make one last attempt to get in contact with your DF, if that indeed is what you would like?

Try and ignore her tactless comments - she’s possibly just not thinking in her old age. The comment saying to come to dinner without your DH and DD is off considering how far you had driven and you were only there for two nights. If you were there for five nights then perhaps you could have had a dinner with just them.

@MayIDestroyYou Give me the names and addresses of your boss, your MIL and best friend-I want to send a letter to them all about you-your sex life, bad habits, a floor plan of your house and maybe exact quotes about why you dislike your job-do you think that would bother you? That's pretty much what this interfering and intrusive Aunt did to the OP!

Yes she sounds quite rude and a bit of a PITA. Is she good to you in other ways?

Read this and it rang so true we must be cousins?
There's a reason she's fallen out with other relatives - she has no filter and they went NC. Suggest you do LC or NC to save your sanity!