Question for SAHM's - how much does your Husband do with kid/s?

[JC2021]

Hi All,

How much 1-2-1 and family time does your husband spend with your kid and/or family altogether?

We had a friend over yesterday and he said his wife works / so does he and they both share parenting - he has x2 sons (2 and 4) and has them both 2 full days per week 8-6pm whilst his wife works, she has them on the weekends whilst he does his shifts.

I do not have a job/work yet. So I do 90% childcare for our 2 year old son.

What do your partners contribute directly to childcare if you do not work?

Thanks.

When my husband gets home from work at 6pm, he takes over and will play/read with DC every evening. At weekends, he also takes care of bath time and bed time. During the week, it’s the only hour he gets to spend with DC so he says it’s his time.

Pre covid - DH gets the DC up dressed and gives them breakfast each day before going to work. Might occasionally be back for the last bit of bedtime but working long hours most eves. Around all weekend spending time with the DC, he doesn’t have “hobbies” that take him out of the house half the weekend except maybe a couple of times a year.

During covid - same as pre covid in the mornings and weekends, and also does bathtime/some of bedtime most nights. Much better!

what percentage would you say you split?

does it feel like he does enough/fair share?

DH works from home, generally pre 9am we will split 50/50 and the same when he finishes work. We have a 3 year old and a 6 month old, he will often take the toddler out for a walk or something after tea while I sort out the baby. Me and baby sleep in a separate room at the moment so he never has to deal with her overnight, but if the older child wakes up he has to sort him out. Weekends again are an even team effort unless theres something that needs to be done. He often pops through during the day and witnesses the carnage, so I think he appreciates I'm not on an easy number looking after them.

@JC2021

what percentage would you say you split?

does it feel like he does enough/fair share?

I would say DH does his fair share of hands on parenting, probably more than his fair share given he works in a demanding job and I don’t work.

However he does almost zero of the mental load/admin and organising side of things, including both child related and non child related stuff. I’m going back to work soon so am going to need to rebalance this a bit or it definitely won’t be fair.

Used to do close to nothing and we had to have some serious talks more than once. Morning still does nothing unless it's the weekend, but after work he more or less takes over. I make dinner, he cleans up and does just about everything with DC.
Since he's helped out more I've noticed him & DC become so much more close and it's more attractive when you're appreciated. He still needs the odd reminder but he understands a lot more.
I threatened him that I would go back to work if it meant I'd get help. It's hard being a SAHM, you don't get to come home from work, it's 24/7 and there's nothing worse when you feel undervalued.

My situation is we share/alternate mornings - getting up with our DS and take turns with that, also takes turns doing the bedtime routine. Husband takes him football most Saturday mornings and is out the house from 09:30-12:00 ish - that's it..

His job is working from home although i know full well it isn't too demanding and his schedule is quite flexible.. he often does gardening, has a bath during the day, might nap, pop out to get himself lunch, also makes music alongside his job as a hobby..

He does stuff around the house that helps, cooking/some tidying on occasion, washing on occasion.. but i guess our son doesn't go nursery and is with me full time, also covid hasn't helped as husband is at home all the time it seems.. he hasn't done a full day with our son yet which i find kind of shocking..

guess i need to get back to work and son in nursery, this will lighten the load (i hope)

What would your DH do if you were working full time and so was he?

When I was a sahm - nothing.
Now I work 30 hours a week - still nothing.

They don't sleep great yet so DH gets up with them alone and I sleep in a bit so say 6.30-7.30 then I have them alone from 8 until 6. I feed them, he helps with bed routine and has an hour with DS for bed. Twins just go to sleep.
So weekdays he has them 2 hours, 1 have them 10 and the rest is sleep.
Weekends he might have them for a few hours on the morning and bedtime but we normally spend the rest together.