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Relationships

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Original poster

Can we talk about finding casual sex on the internet?

28 replies

likeamother · 10/06/2021 21:50

I saw a brilliant reply on another thread about the beauty of doing your own thing and then popping online and finding a man for sex in 10 minutes should you desire

I do not want a relationship right now but I think I do want me some of that. But how does it work?! Are we talking Tinder I presume? Are people saying in their profile 'just looking for fun' type thing or is it a case of going for a drink and then saying let's get it on??!!

Please educate me. All experiences welcome. I didn't even have a smart phone when I was last single and it's been sooo long since I've had some good and different sex!

OP posts:

dewisant2020 · 10/06/2021 21:53

I do indulge in casual sex sometimes, I tend to meet people on tinder or POF, I'm honest from the start and tell men I'm only looking for some. casual fun.
It's worked well for me I get all the fun and none of the rubbish

cakecakecheese · 10/06/2021 21:57

There's a website called fabswingers. It's as sleazy as it sounds but not just for swingers, there's lots of people looking for casual sex. As a single woman you would pretty much have your pick of hundreds of men. Not for the fainthearted though!

Original poster

likeamother · 10/06/2021 22:00

Thanks @dewisant2020 all fun and none of the crap sounds awesome. I’ve heard lots of negatives about OLD but flipping it round it’s been about relationship stuff and ghosting, which isn’t an issue in this scenario!

Do you mind me asking how it works in terms of set up? Eg would you let a friend know where you were or to check in with you, would you go to his or yours? I know not very stranger is dangerous or anything and I’ve had one night stands in the distant past when I’ve met people out but I suppose this feels a bit different.

OP posts:

Original poster

likeamother · 10/06/2021 22:03

@cakecakecheese

Yeah it sounds a bit terrifying

for now at least! But I’m also feeling fascinated by this whole potential world of opportunity that I hadn’t thought about. Perfect sweet spot between getting to live my way but with the occasional sess thrown in!

OP posts:

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 10/06/2021 22:03

You can try tinder or pof and you'll definitely find someone up for a ONS but if you're serious, fabswingers is the easiest! You'll get hundreds of messages within half an hour of being online even without photos (assuming you're looking for a man) and you can browse likes/dislikes/reviews even.
Definitely tell someone where you are going, or if you are having someone round, and check in after.

dewisant2020 · 10/06/2021 22:05

It's definitely easier than a proper relationship, I'm in a point in my life where I don't want a full time man just the good bits.
I have been cat fished before but that's the risk you take going online.
I tend to talk to people for a little while and get to know them a bit before inviting them around.
I always let my friend know when I'm meeting someone new, and make sure I send there address etc

H0Tcarrots · 10/06/2021 22:06

The thing is in 10 minutes you will probably have found over a hundred men. You’ve then got to spend the next few days narrowing it down to the top 2-3. The admin is immense.

You need to have fairly good boundaries and a willingness to talk openly about sex. There are a lot of people who are just there for the pictures and the chat so if that’s not so interesting for you don’t waste your time with anyone who isn’t going to progress things.

If you are looking for something in between tinder and fabswingers try Feeld. You may spend most of your evenings googling acronyms though.

Original poster

likeamother · 10/06/2021 22:06

@Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep Reviews??!! I’m dying with laughter! The thought of how minimal effort it could be is so tempting. Really couldn’t summon the energy to date even if I did want a relationship

OP posts:

Original poster

likeamother · 10/06/2021 22:15

@H0Tcarrots just had a quick look, thanks. Too scared to sign up to any at the mo but am fast getting hooked on the idea! The admin sounds less appealing though

@dewisant2020 sorry to hear about the cat fishing. You’re right that I guess it’s a risk you take meeting anyone, as rubbish as it is

OP posts:

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 10/06/2021 22:17

Yes reviews!! They are hilarious
I've been on it but never actually got round to meeting anyone. My boyfriend and I are open but frankly I'm not that fussed about casual sex that I'll spend much effort looking for it. I did meet a ONS on feeld which is a less scary app but targeted at people wanting casual or poly or whatever

Bellbottomstovetop · 10/06/2021 22:21

I want to join that site now purely to read the reviews

H0Tcarrots · 10/06/2021 22:26

Remember you can just look!

Or you can just talk!

You don’t have to do anything ever.

Because I am the sort of person who does ridiculous things I signed up for fabswingers after the end of my marriage, having never done OLD, (or had sex in 8 years). My god, MY EYES! It took me almost a year to go back to it. Two years on, I’ve got some new and regular, something long term and occasional and something a bit specialist. It works for me. And it will take a little while for it to work for you. A lot of these dudes will not be single, a lot of them will be incapable of even meeting you to have sex, a lot of them will be in to things that you won’t like.

I think the main thing to remember is that although you don’t want a relationship, these are relationships too and that’s going to involve putting some work in if it’s going to feel safe and fun.

GappyValley · 10/06/2021 22:28

There was a website a few years ago called something like ‘skip the dinner’ or something along those lines, which was for hookups
The idea being that you don’t have to sit through dinner pretending it’s a date when you both just want to have sex

I have no idea if it’s still going or if Tinder stole the market for it

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 10/06/2021 22:31

Ooh I just remembered a drawback of fabswingers
I got a message from a dad of a kid in my DS's year who lives about 3 roads down from me and whose wife goes to my gym
I didn't have any identifying pics so he didn't know who I was but he had his whole face there the prick

JudyGemstone · 10/06/2021 22:34

I would say tinder as with pof any old munter can message you so you end up with loads of chaff to sift through. With tinder you have to match with them before they can message you.

When I was single I had a cracking 6 months or so on there. I am not a great beauty by anyone’s standards but I met several very hot younger men. They were all lovely, very respectful and we had some really fun times.

I wouldn’t necessarily put on your profile that you’re looking for casual fun, but if you match with someone and start chatting pretty soon you’ll have the ‘so what are you looking for’ conversation. I would always say I was open minded but not really bothered about finding a serious relationship.

This was music to their ears and if you give them the green light to not have to do weeks worth of ground work to get a shag they’ll be all over you and you’ll have your pick!

me4real · 10/06/2021 23:47

Fabswingers. People just message you or you can message them and arrange to meet for a shag that night or whenever.

It's best if you meet them in a public place beforehand though, as supposedly that helps wean out really dodgy ones- or ones you don't find attractive at all I suppose.

I don't do it nowadays, but I got off with a few guys through it (some pleasant and some not-so-pleasant experiences.)

Fetlife is probably also good if you have any kinks you want to act on.

me4real · 11/06/2021 00:14

I’ve heard lots of negatives about OLD but flipping it round it’s been about relationship stuff and ghosting, which isn’t an issue in this scenario!

@likeamother You can still get people you've liked or enjoyed shagging randomly not getting back to you, or blocking you. Or making it clear they don't really fancy you IRL, which can be a bit of an ego dent.

StarlightLady · 11/06/2021 04:58

It may not be a popular view on MN, but do you have any single good friends?

Sex with a good friend needn’t destroy a friendship, avoids trust and respect issues and can be good fun. You don’t need to repeat if you choose not to. It really can work.

PicaK · 11/06/2021 08:05

If you join fabswingers the first thing to do is put very minimal stuff on your profile and immediately switch on your privacy. That way you can't be seen by others.
Then you can explore, read the profiles etc.
When you're ready, expand your profile, switch off privacy and the requests will flood in.
The good thing about fab is that you can see if people have been verified by the Admin (they have to send in a photo of themselves with their username on a piece of paper) to prove they are the sex they claim to avoid catfishing.
And the reviews of course.
There's a whole range of desires etc on there. There's also a forum - which is exactly like Mumsnet at times.
There are proper swinging couples too who are very sniffy about single people.
You will see a lot of cock shots - but there are some real gentlemen on there.

Original poster

likeamother · 11/06/2021 09:43

I signed up for fabswingers after the end of my marriage, having never done OLD, (or had sex in 8 years). My god, MY EYES!

Hahaha @H0Tcarrots I think this would be me completely, have woken up curious still but thinking it might be a bit hardcore for me. My sex life with my ex was very vanilla, when it happened, and it and his many hang upss have left me a bit low on confidence. So thank you for sharing all of this and I'm delighted to see you have this fulfiling balance going on, right down to a niche!

@JudyGemstone thank you - I have no clue how the apps work as they don't let you nosey without signing up. This is good advice. I think Tinder might be a gentler option for me than the others for the moment too. Do you know though if others can see you even if you don't match? Basically I'm a bit nervous about my ex seeing me on there! I know it's none of his biz but for various reasons he'd be difficult and also I just wouldn't want him to know. If he was on there and my age range was in his preferences but HIS age range wasn't in mine, would I not appear?

@me4real That's a good point, thank you. It would undoubtedly sting me right now being blocked straight after sleeping with someone!

@StarlightLady I don't, they're all partners of my friends! I did have a near skirmish with the one single I'm friendly with through work but he turned out to be a dickhead and I didn't even get a shag out of it. I like this idea in theory but my brief reality of it was just being left feeling a tad awkward around him

@PicaK Ooh ok, I could potentially do this then just for a nosey. I'm a bit scared! Thanks for the inside info -- and the cock shot warnings!

@Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep Ugh how grim of him I wouldn't be able to make eye contact again!

OP posts:

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 11/06/2021 09:46

I do see him around sometimes and he makes me want to puke
If you were on tinder and you were in your ex's age range then yes he might see you. There isn't really a way of avoiding that. I can't remember if you can block people on tinder, I think not.
You could always post a non face pic and very little identifying info and send face pics in private chat.

Original poster

likeamother · 11/06/2021 09:53

Thanks @Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep! That's very helpful. He may not even be on there but I can imagine him partly to meet someone (fine) and partly to check if I am

OP posts:

suggestionsplease1 · 11/06/2021 10:19

You can opt to block contacts on Tinder, so if your ex's number is still on your phone you can do that.

Original poster

likeamother · 11/06/2021 10:28

@suggestionsplease1 amazing! Thank you, that’s that bad boy solved then

OP posts:

Hollypeters · 27/10/2023 18:11

Tried fab swingers as someone has mentioned with my partner as a couple, i wanted some fun on my own so i went on fabshag yes both sleazy but brilliant if you are after some casual attention

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