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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Divorce rant

4 replies

Berry456 · 10/06/2021 11:06

Urrrggghh been seperated/divorced 3.5 years. Was brutal, sudden, the "script" to a t and not my decision. Ex went off with OW (an acquaintance but do know her) and has set up home with her after lies and lies and lies personally and legally.

After all this time, much therapy, I'm generally fine. Fine for weeks and weeks on end, got myself back on my feet, Kids doing well, nice new partner, i like my job, long spells without even thinking about it etc

Then bang. I just get a divorce cloud that plonks down. Angry at the complications that come with co parenting, the sucking up of things (daddy's new house is massive! Daddy says he's taking us on a huge holiday, daddy's bought xyz and worse all the OW stuff they do with her) and how time poor I am as a working single mother.

He seems to have moved up and beyond (I know a lot of it is fabrication in my head but a lot of what he has is what we talked about one day having).

Life seems peachy for him and he gets to be a very part time dad and all the freedom and income in a new life. OW is childless.

I'm not keen on setting up a full on blended family with my partner as it just feels so complicated (and I read too many posts on here about blended family issues and!!) and frankly don't want to start up all again. I don't want to leave my town/home and he can't leave his because of kids either. So even if I did it certainly isn't as simple as he's been able to move on.

I'm sick of the head space this takes up when the cloud comes. I know the blue sky is above it and I'll see it again but still.

It's galling. Not sure what I'm posting for other than to rant.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 10/06/2021 11:11

Do you want him to be a very part time Dad?

I'm wondering if you could equal it up a bit so that he gets to do more of the actual parenting and you get a bit more time to yourself.

And if not are you getting the right maintenance because if he's barely having them and has pots of money your maintenance should be higher Grin

Purplewithred · 10/06/2021 11:15

It is shit. Life can be bloody unfair. Ranting is healthy and normal, we all need a good rant from time to time. Flowers. Do something nice for yourself, I am quite sure you deserve it.

Berry456 · 10/06/2021 11:18

@LaurieFairyCake no I'm happy with the kids. He's pretty good when he has them and the kids are happy with the time split. I do the lions share of the parenting but did before, I wanted to be a mum. Maintenance is OK, my work is fine and we don't struggle but he is far better off than me going forward.

I can't put my finger on it. I suppose I get so pissed off he seems to be really living the good life, got everything he wanted and really doesn't deserve to!

I don't have a bad life, but is far more complicated and I can't ride off into the sunset like he seems to have.

OP posts:
Berry456 · 10/06/2021 11:20

@Purplewithred thank you. Just getting it out helps! It is unfair...I think that's all my feelings boil down to.

OP posts:
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