How do you tell them?

[TheIblisHasspoken]

Hoping to get advice from those who have had to tell younger children about divorce.

Children are 10, 6, just turned 4

I have started the process with a solicitor, husband is an alcoholic and has been pretty difficult so far about splitting up etc... still won't move out or even sleep in separate room. So although I'm not naive and understand that they will be picking up on the discord (especially my oldest) things are fairly similar to what they've always known.

Do you tell them separately, in age appropriate ways? Or together?

H is very concerned we don't tell them the 'real reason' mainly because the addict mentality can't cope with anything being their fault etc.

Also it's going to be down to me to communicate all this as I know he will just sit there silently.

Am I starting off on the right foot if I go along the lines of... 'mummy and daddy don't want to live in the same house anymore as it's making us unhappy/ we can't be friends living together'

Following that up with reassurance that they are loved and this isn't to do with them blah blah blah???

Feel sick just thinking about it if I'm honest.

Any advise would be appreciated.

When I told my children I went along the lines of " You know when you have a school friend & you decide that you don't want to be friends anymore because you like different things ". I didn't tell my children the real reason until they were teens & started to ask & then it was the diluted version. At the end of the day, they still love their Dad & telling them the whole gory truth wouldn't be beneficial to anyone.
Good luck

Yes. Hard facts that you won’t be living in the same house anymore and you won’t be a couple, but soften it with it’s because you cant be friends if you continue living together. You both love them immensely and because of that you want to be able to remain friends so it’s the only way. If they have friends who have separated parents that work amicably together then compare to that. If you’ve been fighting lots then use that as an example of why it’s best you don’t live in the same house. Tell them all at the same time. My therapist said not to say you still love each other because that can lead to an expectation you may get back together and that If they ask if you still love each other the you say not the way a husband and wife/mummy and daddy should to be able to stay living together. (Mine was little so never asked thankfully)
Good luck