Family members who bombard you with calls and texts?

[PigBiscuit]

I have a family member who will call and text me constantly every day. It's exhausting. I fell asleep pretty early tonight as I was shattered from work and she has just woken me up with a load of calls and texts demanding that I call her to discuss something. When she can't get hold of me she starts ringing the kids. I don't intend to call her back as I am going back to sleep but it's driving me bonkers.

It's got to the point where I have to switch my phone off on an evening (I forgot tonight) just to be able to relax without her calling me with pointless shite. I worry if my mum needed to call me with a genuine emergency then she wouldn't be able to get hold of me. Half the time it's "X text me this, how should I reply"

My favourite was today when she complained that someone is driving her nuts by bombarding her with texts........I thought it was rich that she was moaning about it. I've told her in the past it's too much. She stops for about a week then starts again. W

eEventually I end upplosing my shit and telling at her and then she acts like a wounded animal. I am at a ppoint where I don't want to live like this anymore , it's not normal to harass people that much but she won't listen! Excuse the weird typos, my computer is being weird.

I have a friend like this who just doesn't understand boundaries. She's paranoid schizophrenic. Are there any similar issues? In think you need to block her as you know her calls are never urgent.

I think there is probably something underlying, not paranoid schizophrenic but I don't think she would ever get anything diagnosed. She is really ignorant when it comes to other peoples mental health problems, she can't understand why people with depression can't just make themselves get out of bed or will say "they have nothing to be depressed about"

I literally wince every time my phone rings. She hates being on her own. Often its when she is driving somewhere she will call me and I can't hear her properly then she gets angry with me. Or when she is clanging about in the kitchen cooking dinner. It never feels like a 2 way conversation, I am happy to chat on the phone but only if the other person actually wants to hear about my life and not just talk about theirs. It's also the moaning. The moment anything goes wrong, she is on the phone moaning and offloading it on to me. If there is a problem she will call me, ask my opinion on what she should do and then move on to the next family member to ask them exactly the same thing. Often we are all in the same room and one by one we receive the call! Half the time she doesn't even take the advice!
She wants everything her own way and I am not the most assertive person so I really have to dig deep to stand up to her. Its exhausting! I don't want to cut her out of my life, I just want her to respect my right to chose if I answer my phone or not, not call over and over until I pick up!

It's also the phrase dropping. Every conversation contains, "I work full time" "I'm just so busy" and "It's so hard being a single parent and doing everything yourself"

I should add, I work full time and I am a single parent, although my boyfriend is about to move in so now I obviously don't have a clue how hard her life is.

Any way you can mute her communications until you have time and energy to deal with her?

Can't you block their number

I can't block her, I don't mind the odd phone call but today there have been 5 and multiple texts. She has moaned in every single one.
We are quite a close family, spend a lot of time together which is fine. It's just the constant calls. The lack if respect for my job and that I'm wfh. She seems to think this = watching Netflix all day. My workload is huge at the mo. She gets cross if I don't answer. She gets cross if I don't ring her back. Then the repetitive calls and ringing the kids start.

Can you put her in 'do not disturb' if you have an iPhone?

Maybe suggest a therapist? Tell her to call Samaritans? Suggest that she is on her own because she spends her life moaning at you on the phone instead of getting out and about?

I had a relative like this. She even used to regularly ring 11.30 am when she knew I was working 12 hr night shifts. It was as if once she'd decided to ring me she was determined to make me answer. Then she'd claim to be worried to death because I wasn't answering. I suspect she just wasn't used to not getting her own way.
I would suggest unplugging the landline during working hours and setting your mobile to Do Not Disturb apart from partner kids mum etc - my Samsung does this. Be firm and stick to it ie you're at work and that is that. Ringing your kids is disgraceful and I suggest you block her from their phones until she's learnt not to use them to emotionally blackmail you.

I don't understand why you are entertaining her. You have complete control over this. Just block her. Or if you really don't want to, then tell her that you will only answer 2 calls a week from her. Block her from your kids phone, surely you have control over that as a parent?
I can't imagine someone telling me to stop bloody bothering them and i turn around and do exactly that. Does she not feel embarrassed. Just stop entertaining her.

My mother was like this too. I lived in Europe and she was in Australia. No attention to time difference was ever paid. We ended up using our landline for internet only because of her. Then she found out mobile numbers and it started again. (Fortunately kids were too little to have phones or she would have thought nothing about waking them up.) Her desire for instant gratification rivaled that of a toddler…

My parents expect i call every single day without fail. If I don't call by late afternoon They will automatically think I've died. Get angry and upset with me for not calling earlier.
Also I must call couple times a day at least.
If they call and I get back to them late. I can hear how annoyed they are with me for the delay. No excuse is valid, Bdw it's never an emergency. It's just a call to rant or ask me to do something which could of waited. No urgency.
Even when I'm unwell or extremely busy, I have to call and see how they are. Our daily conversation has to be a hour long minimum. If anything less they instantly get upset. It can be hard to take a hour sometimes more from my busy day. I end up using my break time, my travel to work etc to call them. If they stress me out about their petty stuff. I'll have a bad day.
When I had my dd. I almost ended up in icu due to multiple organ failure. I was high on medication etc I still had to call them. They went on and on and to this day I don't know what they was saying. Otherwise they where bombarding my husband. Who was shocked and scared of what was going on. A almost dying wife and newborn baby he didn't need them in his life to.
With a newborn it was so hard to get 5 mins for me. Yet had to make time for them sacrificing "me time"
I've told them no one I know has to call up parents like this. Yet they think it's normal. If I was to stop. Then I'm a bad child.
I am their only child. I don't have option to walk away they are mid 60-70 it will be devastating for them. So I must just carry on.
Only respite I get when on holiday abroad. I pretend my phone don't work. Network issue etc. Love the escape!!!!
I also deleted WhatsApp. I couldn't be dealing with non stop messes and video calls from them.

My mother started to be like this when she got a phone and figured out how to send text messages. She'd send a pointless text that didn't need a reply, so I wouldn't. Within 10 minutes, I'd get an email with "did you get my text?". Yes I did and I don't really need to know you've been to B&Q, so i don't need to reply.

In the end I told her that she isn't going to get a reply from me when she thinks she should. If I'm working, I won't reply until I've finished and if I think it doesn't need a reply, she won't get one. She's didn't like it (tough shit), but has cut right down.

Just put your phone in do not disturb and set specific people to be able to break through.

I am their only child. I don't have option to walk away they are mid 60-70 it will be devastating for them. So I must just carry on.
FGS mid 60s is young nowadays.
Why pander to this nonsense.
If you think this is bad wait til they are confused 80 year olds.
I'm nearly 70 and can't be arsed with pointless txts/ calls. We contact family when there is actually something interesting to say.

You can make a favourites list with everyone on it but her. You then put your phone on do not disturb and only her calls and texts will be muted. Stop being held hostage to this. It's ridiculous.

TherMeo My dh is mid 60s and l am not much younger. We hear from out dc once a week and sometimes less. We are busy ourselves and have to remember to call them at times. Your dps are being totally unreasonable we all get on great and there is no resentment on either side. Let them get upset. Just tune out!
Op your relative has mental health issues and needs treatment. Be tough. Tell her exactly when you can take a call eg every Wednesday evening at 8 and that's it. She is never going to be satisfied anyway so let her complain. You are doing nothing wrong.

Your life is worth more than being the poor sod who has to listen to this person's constant moaning. They don't respect you, you have to learn to respect yourself and block or ignore. Don't say 'but I can't' , just do this for yourself. You role in life isn't to just put up with this bombardment.

Naz Then be a bad child. Why is it ok for them to behave badly but not you? Getting angry, upset and annoyed with you.? They don't think you've died. That's just emotional blackmail to keep you at their beck and call. I'd be very resentful of their parenting and massively fearful for the future.
You do have options. You have to choose to take them before they get older.

I will look at the settings on my phone and see if I can change them.

I know people think I am week and letting this happen but she is quite a bullish character and I know that if I stopped contact with her or even blocked her number she would stop me seeing her kids which would break my heart. I think part of the problem is that no one really stands up to her so she seems able to get away with whatever she wants.
I am about to have a baby and I really don't want the stress of constant calls but equally don't want a family war to break out at a time when I need calm.
It can all be quite triggering and I am certainly becoming a lot more aware of how it effects me - I can be on cloud 9 having had a great day and then brought to my knees minutes later by one of her calls. I guess I need to find a way of stopping so many calls and being assertive to the things she says.

I blocked my mother's number on my landline as she used to call at all times of the day, first thing in the morning, late at night, about nothing. I turn my mobile off at night and she can only contact me on my mobile. I can also tell when she's calling as I've set it to a specific ringtone.