Advice when ex get new partner pregnant.

[Abstardust]

Bit of background first, me and my ex have been split for just under a year after just over 10 years together. We have DC together so have to keep in contact on and do get on well together most of the time.
Since we split he had one relationship which lasted a few months, the DC met her and things were ok, this relationship was meant to be great, they were going to move in and get married etc. They split just into the new year.

He told me Monday that he was seeing someone else, I suspected someone else was on the scene as his behaviour changed. I would say it's been about 6 weeks they've been together though he is saying it has been longer which for a number of reasons I don't think it is much longer than that. He will lie a lot if it will make him look better but after 10 years you kind of know. Tonight he called to discuss them meeting her, we had discussed this previously and he had said 6 months before either of us introduce new partners. He now wants to get them all together this weekend, I told him this was changing what he had wanted before and I wasn't happy but there is nothing I can do to stop it. I said about the previous relationship not lasting and the affect it had on the DC, it got a little heated over the phone and he blurted out his new girlfriend is pregnant.

I will admit I'm angry, not about her being pregnant but the affect it'll have on my DC, they've not spent any time with her, this is likely to result in him moving in with her which will completely throw out their routine. The baby is, understandably going to take priority over them. They are suddenly going to be meeting a new women and her DC, spending contact time with all of them, and a new sibling in such a sort space of time.

I have a horrible feeling this could get really messy and I'll be picking up the pieces. At the moment they know nothing of this but it won't be long, how to I start preparing for it? Do I just keep going with how things are and hope for the best? Or do I start preparing for the worse case, that he reduces contact and maintenance in favour of his new family. There is enough threads on here that show that'll likely happen. I hope he will still put our DC first but can't guarantee it. I know I'm going to have to help them with their feelings because they always come to me when some thing is bothering them. I knew this would likely happen at some point but I just didn't expect it to be so soon.

Bumping

What a mess. So many people's lives affected here. All you can do is be there for your kids when their dad has other priorities.

How old are your kids?

I think you shouldn’t be all dome and gloom. Things like this happen- it’s life. They will have a new sibling which you should try helping nurture a relationship with their sibling. Even if he breaks up with the girlfriend m, the child will still come over to his father’s and hopefully your kids will maintain a relationship with their siblings.

Apart from that - not sure why the routine should change unless your ex-partner is freak-less. I think it’s best not to say anything to your kids and let their father and his partner discuss it with them.

Good luck

I agree with not telling the childten, let their dad do it.
It's a less than ideal situation. Their father has got someone else pregnant very quickly. Will it last? Who knows.
Regarding maintenance unless you are very lucky if will reduce and the law backs this up. The more kids she has the less maintenance he has to pay for his existing kids.
I'd also prepare yourself for your children to feel forced out. Sadly plenty of fathers start putting the new baby first or that's how it will appear to your children.
Your ex sounds very irresponsible I have to say.
Having a child with someone he barely knows when he already has 2, not good by any standards.
You will just have to wait it out.

Just be there and provide a,safe secure home for dc. Carry on as usual.
Let them talk. Listen. Acknowledge their feelings.
Read
how to talk so kids will listen
It s life.
You cannot change this.
One day at a time.
Save your anger .

I know it’s naff but there’s honestly nothing you can do other than be there for your children. I’m guessing he didn’t plan to have another child with someone he only just met but life happens and all you can both do now is accept the situation and move forwards. It’s best for your children if you don’t fall out over this, it can’t be changed so it’s best not to get angry because it’s a waste of your energy.

It's really difficult when you're in the thick of it. My ex got his affair partner pregnant, left the family home and had another baby within 6 months of leaving, it was horrendous at the time. But you are their constant and they will take their lead from you. You don't have to be wildly ecstatic about it with them, you can say you're all going to take it one day at a time and wish dad all the best and just keep the routine as best you can, it is hard because it's all out of your control, but for me it's 7 years later and I barely give that time in our lives a second thought. Good luck

Thanks everyone. I wouldn't tell the DC it'll be up to their dad to tell them. I'll just be there for them as they need me and continue to keep things civil between me and him. Hopefully it'll all work out ok for everyone involved.