Can a divorce be amicable, success stories?

[Wishbee]

Husband and I have separated. He is still staying here the days he doesn't work away.

Honestly, he isnt my friend right now. He doesn't think that anything he has done has been unreasonable (drugs, drink etc). He continues to be horrible and ridicules me, undermines my parenting etc

I recently quit my job in a naive attempt to 'save' our marriage so I'm reliant on benefits that don't even cover the rent which means I'm at his mercy financially.

I'm also in the middle of a huge mental health crisis, so I'm also at his mercy with everyday help until he goes back to work next work.

Please someone tell me this is doable and it can happen amicably 🙏

I'm still struggling with the whole, I love him, I want to be with him.. I want our old life back until he did something horrible and decided to be a wanker.

We have been married nearly 11 years and I don't know how to be a single mum 😭

Hi op. I was married to my ex husband for 13 years when he had an affair and we separated.

I was so hurt, angry, upset to start with as we'd honestly had a great marriage and family so I just couldn't understand why he'd done it ad he couldn't give me any answers that made sense.

Anyway, after speaking to a solicitor early on, we decided (or I did and he agreed) that we would wait 2 years to divorce so that we could go 'no blame', which I thought would be easier on everyone, but mostly our 2 children.

In those 2 years, he spit with the OW and gradually our relationship became a lot easier and we now co-parent well and get on fine. BOth also in new relationships.

2 years came and then Covid hit so 3.5 years later, we are still legally married but in the last couple of weeks I have got the ball rolling and started proceedings.

I spoke to him on the phone to let him know and he agreed it was time. We both agreed we wanted things to remain amicable, which is also what I told my solicitor and my main aim is for me and our children to remain in the family home, which he agrees is reasonable, so we are looking at options to make that happen.

Basically, despite our separation being under horrible circumstances, we are (hopefully) divorcing amicably. He made some shit choices but he is a decent person so I count my blessings there when I read some stories on here.

So yes, I think it can be done if you communicate properly. I do think the time elapsed between separation and divorce helped a lot in my case though. I know quite a few couples who have divorced straight away and in anger and it has been awful.

As for being a single mum, you don't know what you are capable of until you have no choice. It's never in a million years what I wanted or expected but I think, on the whole, I'm doing a pretty good job. I do have a co-parent though so not as 'single' as a lot of single mums.

Thank you so much for your reply. I'm struggling so much, he holds a lot of hate towards me right now... says I controlled him, which is not the case. How can you 'control' someone who isn't even staying in the same county as you for 5 days a week? I'm telling myself that he is saying that to try to justify his own actions.

I'm totally and completely heartbroken and I'm hoping that once that pain goes away that I can try to get over the situation.

I hate this so much. I just want my children to go through as less stress as possible 😭

How long ago did you separate? Maybe you need to give it a little more time before divorcing, but your situation re living arrangements doesn't sound ideal. Neither of you can move on while you are under the same roof, and your children are likely to pick up that something isn't right.

My main anxiety was our children too. They had led a relatively sheltered, happy life with two parents who loved who they thought (as did I) loved each other, so their world really did come crashing down on them when we told them we were separating, but wanting to protect them as much as possible gave me strength I didn't know I had and I channelled most of it into being the stable parent they needed while their dad had fun with his younger woman. What was left, I kept in until they were in bed or with their dad and then I cried, i talked to friends, i had counselling and gradually, bit by bit we were doing ok.

I think anger is normal in many separations/divorces and there's no magic fix to that other than time.