Sons

[CafeMochaVodkaValiumLate]

I have DS8 and it's just me, him and DH. I really really hope that as he grows up we stay really close.

I am 1 of 3 siblings and the eldest with 2 younger brothers. I'm really close to my parents but my brothers really aren't. They never respond to messages, only really see them for birthdays/occasions etc. My mum and my gran always joke and say well, that's sons for you!

I really hope that's not the case with my son. But I do wonder if there is a theme.

Does anyone have adult sons that they are really close with?

No adult sons, but I know plenty of men who are close to their mothers.

Your brothers don't feel the need to be close and they get away with it, so it's probably down to the mothering.

'Boys will be boys' attitude is IMO misogynistic.

@ILoveShula I tend to agree yes. I guess I just hope my son doesn't feel like if he can get away with he will avoid us.

I appreciate this is a very irrational post

Ds 26 texts me every day. Rings several times a week and comes for tea once night and coffee a few times!! Ds 19 is in the army and we are still as close as ever. Ds 17 is still needy!!

Well, don't raise him to think like your mother and grandmother, that longterm emotional/familial attachments are something experienced or nurtured by women only. I'm one of three sisters, with a younger brother, and the pattern is the same as in your family, but I think that is largely down to my parents' personalities and parenting. My father is probably on the autistic spectrum, and is incapable of handling any personal relationships at all I've said this before on here under a different name, but when I phoned my parents, almost hysterical with relief, to tell them that my unborn baby didn't in fact have a serious condition, my father interrupted me to tell me about a radio he had sent off to repair and my mother (because of this, and because of her own dysfunctional upbringing) thinks boys and men 'don't do emotions'.

My son was a bit absent in his early twenties but now he happily married with dc he's positively needy again

I’ve got three sons. I’d say I’m reasonably close to all of them. At different times in their lives we are closer. One isn’t much of a texter but then he doesn’t text anyone much.
But they are all grown and have their own families now.

I've got 2 sons. No daughters.
My sons are 27 and 24. My youngest I am extremely close to. We have the same sense of humour and we talk nearly every day as well as text regularly.
My eldest wasn't an easy teen but now he's in his twenties, we are much closer. I see him at least once a week and whatsapp every other day.
I also get on very well with their other halves

This is nice to hear. I'm definitely parenting differently than my parents did and agree that their acceptance of this behaviour is probably part of the problem.

My ds is only small still but I have an adult brother.

I live in a different country to my parents, we are very close text / phone / skype every few days but it's not the same as being together. Thanks to covid I haven't seen them in over a year and things aren't looking great for this year.

My brother lives in the next town to my parents, he went round every week during covid to bring them shopping, have a socially distanced chat across the garden in all weathers. My parents collect my brothers kids a couple of days a week from school (well before covid) and have them for dinner. They often get together at weekends for dinner, bbq, a trip out. They are all really close, my mum and my sil have days out together and my brother always pops in to see if my mum has done any baking

I think the old ideas that sons move on and daughters stay are long gone. Just enjoy being with your son and building a great relationship that will mean as much to him as it does to you in the future.

@ChilliMum ❤️ hope you get to see them soon.

OP my brother is probably closer to my mum than us sisters are x

Two DSs here, aged 32 and 28, neither in a relationship, both living away.
We chat on WhatsApp, individually and in family group (two DDs too) every day; also on phone sometimes, but online chat is great as you can just pick it up and put it down whenever.
I think as long as parents have a close affectionate relationship with boys in their childhood it will last into adulthood (ignoring the odd fiery purple patch in teens ) and it sounds as if you have that

I’ve 2 sons, both in their 30s, married with children and both living close by.
One is in frequent contact, pops in, invites us to their house we go out for coffee and lunch occasionally. He goes to sports and shares DIY projects with DH.
The other infrequently pops over, always with DW and GCs, which is lovely, but we never see him alone and rarely get an invite to their house.
I do find it strange when they have both been brought up in the same way, and given the same opportunities by us.
I’m afraid that’s life and we just have to enjoy the good bits.

I should add that they were very easy teenagers and were brought up in a very caring home.