How did you find out partner cheating again

[beetroot69]

Really want hard evidence so I can make decision about relationship. Don't want to accuse without hard facts.
Phone glued to him. Light sleeper.
Uses cash to pay for some things although joint account.
Doesn't know I have online banking too.
Need tech skills to check somehow.
Just got a bad vibe again but cant put my finger on it.
He's all nice lovey dovey but something feels off.
Can people tell me how they caught partner as due to his previous dalliance he will be very switched on to me.
I really need help.
If nothing turns up I would be happy.
I get feeling he might be parking up for work and leaving phone etc there and maybe going in her car for time away together. I might be overthinking this but zero trust now.
Maybe I am just too stressed/depressed now.
Any advice/tips/hiding places etc would be helpful

Why are you still with him? It's not a healthy relationship.

Exactly I know but been together along time.
Got family.
Not easy.

Want to believe nothing is happening but worrying because previously almost left marriage.
He tells me he would never do now. But I have lost all confidence.

I feel like if you really feel something is off then you don't need evidence, you need to end the relationship. Even if you find nothing, the fact that your trust is so broken is enough.

I know what you mean but I couldn't end relationship without that evidence.
But I understand why you are saying that.
When you've been with someone along time and family it's not a easy decision to make.

Sorry you're going through this.

I read a good tip on here before. Let the battery die on your own phone, get a fried or family member to call you on his phone saying it's urgent then go to another room to speak to them. You'll then hopefully be out the room with his unlocked phone (I say hopefully as I think it depends on the handset whether it's unlocked when you're on a call) and can have a look through.

The previous poster I'd seen doing this waited til her 'D'P and kids were all in the room together so she had a good excuse to leave the room for some privacy and she just said her friend had been really upset and didn't want everyone to know about xyz

Hire a private investigator.

Completely understand, OP. I've been in a similar position - family, long term relationship and a mortgage and a feeling that something just wasn't right after past bad experiences and I left in January and it was tough for a while but I spoke to someone and I am the better for it now. I can't offer any advice on how to catch your DP but it will eat you up trying. I really hope it works out for you

Through LinkedIn. He was messaging his work colleague via this platform along with others claiming they were job opportunities ha ha best lie ever really. He started treating me really badly, his looks were of pure hate then he if I questioned it why he would say uh no I love you. Really confusing. Also he started arranging activities with work on weekends then tell me he had told me when if fact I never even knew, totally gaslighting me. Had me under his thumb completely so he knew where I was all the time. Probably to schedule his little encounters. He knew exactly what to say as he has been a cheat in all his previous relationships, so was a clever liar. He was a devil in the hone but angel in the stray. So glad I am no longer with this man. I did not need proof of him cheating on me, i simply told him that I knew my worth after 4 years of pure hell and chucked him out.

Devil in the home and angel in the street. Have a raging headache sorry for the spelling mistakes

@ILoveShula

Hire a private investigator.

I agree. It sounds like this is your only option, OP, if you cannot access his phone. Do you have a good friend who he doesn't know who could visit where he should be during the time you think he might be meeting someone else?

What model of phone does he use?

You say you think he's leaving his phone and going with her in her car. What makes you wonder this? Is it a hunch? Can you track his phone?

Personally I would have never stayed in the first place..

But private investigation?? Call work to see if he is there ? Get a friend to follow him? Plant a microphone in his car ?

I seriously doubt the phone ruse will work if he's that wedded to it, and is probably also attuned to your suspicions. Agree wholeheartedly with the PI suggestion, and actually think it's the only workable one
as you seem to need absolute proof (which of course you don't; you should have LTB first go around, which you know). Get a few quid together and contact one.

I googled the screen name he had used to join a dating site. The results showed he had joined an escort site so I got the pleasure of reading his reviews of sex with prostitutes and seeing the photos of these women. He described one woman as "value for money". He had used the same screen name for all his sites, he joined 27 no strings attached casual sex hook up sites in eighteen months, that is when I stopped counting. I am now awaiting treatment for PTSD. It's not worth staying after the first time.

Don't know as previously I found him through location tracker on my phone.
He always leaves location switched on now but went out for lunch with other women who he still has contact with now as and one time because I could see her and him online same time I sent him a romantic message to remind him who he's married to and since then he has switched off last seen??!
I can still see him online but could be talking to someone else/mate.
I am so jealous now. Not great is it.
Just need the hard evidence so I am sure if I decide not to be in relationship anymore as we are trying now and happy but my trust issues are very bad.
He doesn't know extent but I have rung Samaritans etc and felt desperate sometimes.
A long relationship since 1980's hard to just let go of it

Tbh whats happening here is you took back an unremorseful cheater who clearly hasn’t done the work to make you feel safe. I’m not sure I read this right but is he still in touch with the other woman, this is absolutely awful if he is!

It is entirely possible to reconcile a marriage after cheating, IF the cheater does the work needed to make you feel safe and you do the work to ensure that you feel strong enough to leave if it happens again. I can see that both things haven’t happened here.

Read ‘how to help your spouse heal from my affair’ and ‘not just friends’ to understand what he should be doing. Then open up a conversation about this.

You can’t keep living like this with extreme hyper vigilance, it is hell.

I’d get into individual counselling at the same time to find your inner strength to be able to walk away if your husband continues to behave in such a shady manner.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to hold your family together BUT he needs to support you in feeling safe and he’s not doing that, so yes that’s a huge red flag!

'He's all nice lovey dovey but something feels off'.

I can completely understand this, OP. If you need to hash out specific examples, feel free to send me a private message.

I'm feeling very bad at moment😰😰
I felt I was moving forward but all the low moods, anxiety, desperation of a couple of years ago flooding back this week.
I feel like i am churning up inside and crying on own when no one about.
Can't afford investigator.

I feel like I'm out of control inside.
Just want to feel like I used to.
So disappointed in him but love him and can't imagine him not in my life.
Have talked about two years ago but feel like I can't bring up again as he will see it like I can't move forward but I have no self esteem/trust now.
I was so happy before.

Do you have a friend you could rope in to help? A girl I used to work with was excellent at shadowing her friends' cheating blokes. Almost made a hobby of it 😂
Won't be as effective as a PI but might be able to manage to gather enough info to set your mind at rest one way or another.