Should I be concerned

[isobel79]

This incident happend last Wednesday.

So I have been dating this guy since end of February. Didn't have any reason to be concerned about anything at all.

Anyway, last Wednesday we were in bed. It was coming up to 1am. His phone rings. He doesn't answer it. It then rings again so he looked at the phone then said it was his kids mom. Again he didn't answer it. It then rang for the third time and then he answered.

Then came this barrage of questions from the mom:

1. Why didn't you answer the phone and I been calling you?

1. Which dutty gal (she was talking patois) you have dey?

1. Why you always put gal before you kids?

1. How come it take so long for you to answer the phone?

And so on and so on......

The whole time he didn't even say "yes I have my woman here and he didn't defend the fact I was there"

So since then I have this gut feeling that either he is still with her although he tells me 100% they ain't. Or that something just don't feel right...... I don't know what to do tbh.

I asked him when the last time they were intimate and he said four years ago. I asked him is that how she goes on and he says that's how she is. I asked him why does she call at that time of the morning and apparently is a regular thing.

I like him but this incident has just made me feel very insecure. I just don't know how to move forward. Shall I call it off. Shall I distance myself. Thing is if she is like this now what she gonna be like in the future?

Oh god, run. This sounds like some Jeremy Kyle shit.

He's living with her and shagging around. Or have you been to his home?

Seriously, I would be out of there if I was with a guy and his ex called at 1am, and he didn’t mention you at all?

@HollowTalk

He's living with her and shagging around. Or have you been to his home?

I was at his home

@LoopTheLoops

Seriously, I would be out of there if I was with a guy and his ex called at 1am, and he didn’t mention you at all?

That's my thing too. Apparently they have that kind of banter but it just concerns me

It sounds like they are still involved somewhat. If he's not stopping her and going along with it hes compliant with this too. Sometimes exes remain bonded in a strange way which is difficult for new partners to live with.

Sounds simple, he's got his own place and his partner maybe who he has children with is living separately as a single mother in her own home.

I would exit this relationship.

Some women can be possessive about ex’s / the father of their children. They feel they have a right to them.
He could not have mentioned you because he’s worried she’ll stop him seeing his children.
Some women are nuts.

Run for your life.

Even if nothing is going on with them do you need that level of crazy in your life?

Run

A guy I was seeing had an ex like this, she felt that as the mother of his children she should always have first call on his time. She would often call at stupid times, always drunk, and always with some tenuous reason for calling, just to disturb his time "off".

I walked away, that level of crazy doesnt change. From what I have heard my ex's ex still does it and it has lost him every single GF he has had since they split. That said......he will never tell her to sod off because he is a wimp!

OP if he'd have said you were there she'd have probably gone on and on. Threatened him with not seeing his kids, and such.
Also what business is it of hers what he's doing? Or who he's doing it with? He probably sees his kids, tolerates her, and keeps his private life, just that private.

Either he’s still involved with her to a much higher degree than he’s admitting , or she’s crazy . It could be he didn’t mention you were there as he didn’t want to rile up his ex so she would make it hard for him to see his kids , every bit as likely, if not more so , he said nothing as he will be denying to her you were even there.
I’d move on, you’ve only been together for a little over 3 months, way too early for all this drama

Thanks all replies.
I spoke to him again last night about it. He tells me that I have nothing to worry about and that's just how she is. And that nothing is going on. It's his kids mom and that's that. It's funny though because it's like she has a hold on him. If she is using the kids against him then that will eventually reach a tipping point for me. His kids come first always but it seems she also feels that she comes first too!!
I feel like the time I am with him I could meet someone else and not have to deal with this uncertainty. He says they were together for 20 years and that he will always respect her. But that respect seems to be interfering in his life.
And yes his life is private but would she make things even more toxic if she knows he is with someone else???

Even if as pp said and it’s all true and he is just scared she will stop him seeing the ex and she is “crazy” is that something she should really get involved in? Imagine having to put up with that in your life where her bf is too scared to tell her that he is dating anyone... run!